-A condition that most people feel after a 24 hour period or when arriving back at home after EDC
-There is a feeling of depression that EDC is over or that you are no longer around your EDC friends
-Your mind keeps replaying images and favorite memories of EDC like a movie of sometime that happened a long time ago
-The only thing that can help you through this condition is by talking to your crew about EDC and how much you miss it or make plans about when the next time y’all gonna see each other
I know that EDC just happened. So does my friends and fellow rave crew members The ZipperSquad. You may have seen us around taking gianormous group pictures in front of the zipper ride at midnight. Or you might have seen my car which was tagged #sorryasianparents.
Well, any who, a bunch of us have this disorder ATM. EDC was the shit. I’ll put together a longer blog post later when my brain isn’t trying to attack itself or my skull. This hangover is deadly.
Alright Bros, with festival season quickly approaching us, or here with EDC just a few hours away, we have to kick our asses in high gear and whip it in shape!
Let’s look at this, so you wanna get girls like her:
So you realize that you need to look like this:
However, you look like this 😦
But have no fear, here are some simple things that you can either do at the gym or around your house to get into that ripped, sweaty abs showing, buff-fist-pumping shape to get the “Bytches.”
First workout that I recommend is the pushup. Every bro out there loves chest, which is why every testosterone-pump-jockey hounds the bench. But you don’t need a bench to have a nice chest; all you need is the ground and your body.
The great thing about pushups is that it doesn’t only work out your chest, but it also works out your shoulders, back, triceps, and yes, the ever so mighty core. When you’re benching, the bench takes away from working your core and just focuses on your bigger muscles, neglecting the smaller muscles that is needed to hold everything together. When you are in a pushup position, you force your core to use itself to hold still, which also engages your back muscles. And this is just from holding that position alone. Remember, the missionary position is basically a plank, or a push-up position; you’re not gonna bench a girl during sex.
“Oh Airec, if I only do pushups, my chest won’t get bigger.”
Maybe your chest won’t get bigger, but it will be more toned. And do you really need a big chest at a rave anyways? You’re trying to look RIPPED here, not match-that-hot-chick-next-to-you bra-size.
Second workout I would suggest is the pull-up. The pull-up is great because it works out your shoulders, back, biceps, and forearms. There many different ways to do a pull-up. You can do overhand or underhand grip, close grip or wide. Of course the different grip and width of your pull-up will target and shape your back differently. I’m not gonna go into the different kinda pull-ups, but you can click on the hyperlink and explore it yourself.
The reason why I believe pull-ups are important is because when you are dancing and a girl is checking you out (AKA creeping from afar), it’s from either the side or the back. Usually the back as you’re fist pumping away to LEVELS (bro). So when she’s checking you out, you want her to think “damn, that guy gots a nice back,” not “damn, you can see his flab vibrate every time he fist pumps. It kinda goes to the beat.” This way the longer her eyes are on you, you have a higher chance of catching her predatory glare when you turn around.
A third workout that is super important is squats. Friends don’t let friends miss leg days. Think about it, at a festival you’re always on your feet, jumping around, or “shuffling.” I put that in quotations because come on guys, when we’re seeing an artist (drunk or sober) we all jump around and move our feet. We like to think we are shuffling although we are just jumping around like dumb-asses hoping that everyone else would understand your spastic leg movements as shuffling. (I do this all the time.) If your butt is too sore, just jump around. WORK OUT THOSE CALVES!!!
Also, another important thing about doing squats, or lower body workouts in general, is your ability to hoist a girl onto your shoulders. I mean come on guys, we have all been there. Whether there is a random cutie around or a girl that you’re into, you wanna show her how awesomely strong you are and hope that she asks you to put her on your shoulders. This way you can impress her with your strength as she admires the crowd from a skyline view and all the other bros can respect your strength.
So do those squats, make that ass clap.
These three workouts should help you out for festivals. If you do these workouts with high reps and increase frequency to increase heart rate, then you’ll be burning away your beer belly in no time.
Now I’m not saying that these three workouts are the only things that you should only do. Of course throw in some abdominal exercises, cardio, and the piece de resistance, arm workouts (suns out guns out baby). Gotta make sure those abs are rock hard just in case you wanna wipe the sweat off your face with the bottom of your tank exposing your abs discreetly. We’ve all been there bro, yadda mean.
Obviously I’m not a kinesiology major, or a doctor, like my partner KokoKai, so you can take what I say with a grain, or a canister, of salt. I’m not in the best shape ever, but I still know a little bit of helpful advice. This is what has worked out for my friends and I so I just wanted to share some of it with you, with some additional (panda) commentary. Plus you don’t want to be that awkward guy at a festival telling your in-shape friends to put on their tank/shirts just because they have abs and you don’t . . . I’ve been there before.
So good luck hunting my fellow bros, #tanktoptime
P.S. Don’t forget cardio and diet, workouts are nothing without a good foundation of cardio and diet.
P.S.S. But that doesn’t mean stop eating your fave food or drinking beer, cuz I know I enjoy shitty food and beer (;P)
That’s right. The #1 way girls ‘get in shape for EDC’ is by eating less.
Notice: I didn’t say ‘watching what you eat’ or ‘making smarter eating choices’.
Oh, no. That would require legitimate knowledge of nutrition and healthy diet planning.
This is the thought process girls go through…
“Instead of eating 4 cookies, I’ll eat 3. I need to lose weight for EDC.”
“Maybe I should only have soda every other day. Gotta get that EDC body ready!”
“If I eat a salad with my burger, the greens cancel the fat out- its a wash. So it’s like I didn’t eat.”
No need worry about healthy substitutions or purposeful meal planning to stock up on necessary vitamins and minerals for the upcoming marathon of drinking and substance abuse. Nope. Just eat less. That’ll do the trick.
Step 2 for getting that bod ready for a week of partying is to work on ‘abs’.
Traditional situps and crunches are the way to go. The abdominals are only engaged during the first 45 degrees of the movement, while the second 45 degrees engage the iliacus and psoas major more than the abdominals. Which is exactly why we transition into crunches. So we can not target the abs, but we think that we are!
Attempt a ‘lemon water cleanse’ in the final days leading up to the event.
Eat nothing. Drink only water with lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup.
Swallow down this terrible concoction 5 times a day, and don’t you dare eat any solid foods.
You must deprive yourself of all nutrients, resulting in low energy and dehydration so that you are fully prepared to rave in the desert in the middle of June.
Who cares if you dabble on the line of heat stroke? As long as you look sexy as you’re getting hauled away on a stretcher.
Just a random thought while trolling on the internet (which is something I’ve been doing a lot lately since school is out and I have a bunch of free time in-between my two jobs).
I read a ridiculous conversation on Humor Couch about British vs. American English. The British are complaining about how Americans spell things differently. The English (that decided to speak out on Humor Couch) are complaining that Americans were doing it wrong.
There was a dispute over the Americans way of spelling things. Such as color vs. colour. Or the use of ‘ize’ over ‘ise.’
Of course the way Americans and the British speak are different, so the way things are spelled are going to be different. It depends on the speller I guess.
Like the word ‘spelt.’ I personally like this word over ‘spelled.’
There were some some good points, there were some bad points; and there were some smart points, and there were some stupid points. Points everywhere.
Although I personally thought it was a ridiculous conversation, I found it humorous that two different groups people who uses the almost-same-language are arguing on who is right and who is wrong in this pissing contest.
One of the funniest comments was “my iphone that was developed by Steve Jobs says your wrong.” An obvious Apple purist stating his point. Then a funny rebuttal from a Brit was “*you’re”
But in the end, the only thing that popped into my mind was that if the British wanted their spelling so bad they should have won the war.
Here is the link to the comments that I was talking about.