Month: February 2014

Rick Rolled w/ Avicii While I Square Dance w/ a Dog

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Nilsofficial released this month a hilarious mash-up video of Avicii’s “Wake Me Up” and Rick Astley “Never Gonna Let You Down.” It’s so funny that you won’t mind getting Rick Rolled, over and over and over again.

I’m one of the few of my festival friends that like Avicii and his new country-folk-infused-EDM style. Everyone else seems to hate it and that “twanging” noise, as my friend Noco the Mouth would say. (We call her the Mouth because she likes to chime in her two-cents every time she’s blacked out and not because she has a big mouth, or at least I didn’t say that. But we love her.) Avicii’s new style is less foreign to me because I actually like country music; this is probably derived from growing up in the Central Valley, in Visalia to be exact.

Sue me; I’m an Asian boy who likes country music and college football. Breaking effin’ stereotypes baby.

Of course when Avicii first debuted his new infused style at Ultra Music Festival 2013, not many people were happy and just fugging hated it. Many people took their hate to the forums online and became keyboard heroes. Many called him an un-pure form of House music and discriminated his attempt to desegregate EDM and folk. Many people believed that he fell off his wagon and hit his head on “shitty country music,” shaming him for his quest to venture out into the new and unknown. And those many are just haters behind a computer screen who are blinded by a uniformed formula of a “successful” house song.

Listen to his set from Ultra here:

I was there in Miami that night and I know I enjoyed it! I got my hoe-down on, surprising everyone at Ultra to see an Asian boy square dancing away. For it was them that night who was squinting, just to make sure their vision was not lying to ’em at the sight of a country dancing panda. <(:))

Despite what many have said (when I say many, I mean those EDM snobs that only listen to crazy sub-genre-techno-deep-house) about his new style, it has gained huge success. “Wake Me Up” actually topped the British music charts as number one for a few weeks. True, the albums name, is a huge success.

Give his album a listen:

Ultra wasn’t the first, nor was it the last, time I gave the hoe a little down. Any chance I get, I’ll square my elbows and flail out those knees in a seizure kinda manner, it’s what I call dancing I guess. Here is a few times my friends and I have gotten really drunk and decided to square dance to “Wake Me Up:” (the volume sucks so you have to turn it up on high.)

Notice how you can hear the MasterBlaster bellowing his Mexican laughter at our expense.

Again, at a different time, my friends and I are drunk and decided to do another country swang, this time with a puppy:

Forgive us, this is after hitting up five different bars, and it’s 4am. And also, I believe I did an off-the-wall-upside-down twerk after this was filmed. It’s not that hard.

Country-folk, love or hate it, Avicii has infused it with his own style. I mean, its fun to jump around to so why hate. Just embrace it, let it in, if not then try just the tip and we’ll see where it will lead . . . So for the time being, enjoy getting Rick Rolled.

-Sype.

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A Bros Insight to ‘Her’: Along with Subconscious Hipsterisms

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Her

Along with subconscious hipsterisms

A few days ago, my bromigo, Jose, and I decided to spend our evening watching the new Spike Jonze film, Her. Now it’s perfectly normal for two heterosexual males to watch a sci-fi romance movie, it’s not gay.

Seriously, not gay; we men have an emotional side too, with feelings and shit.

A Quick Recap of the Movie:

            Written and directed by Spike Jonze, Her is a complicated movie where Theodore Twombly, played by actor Joaquin Phoenix, falls in-love with his operating software, or O.S., after suffering a heart-breaking divorce.

Or according to my inner-bro, Her is a movie where some loser hipster falls in-love with his Apple computer (probably since he’s a hipster and all) that sounds like Scarlett Johansson (and nothing like the realistic Siri, that little smart-mouth-twat) and wants to bang it but can’t and can only creepy and weirdly vocal-bang it.

her status

Broster-view (Broster = Hipster + Bro):

            Let me start off by saying, still not gay.

THE END OF THIS POST CONTAINS PARODY VIDEOS of Her, or you can just skip to the end if you don’t wanna hear a bro complain about #hipsterproblems.

My first reaction to the movie,as ripped from my Facebook comment:

“i like it. it was chill. felt like everyone in the movie shopped at american apparel or urban outfitters. but it was a good movie. i wouldnt watch it again tho. it was too depressing for me. but it does show the true concept and troubles of love. super hipster tho man. like fucking hipster as fuck. but it was done really well and was good. but super fuckin hipster. like emo hipster. but good. but hipster. but also really good. i hope this redundant review of the movie helped you. just fuckin watch it.”

But anyways, Her is surprisingly a very good movie. Yeah, it’s kinda weird (pretty fucking weird actually), but it’s a good movie. It has a very hipster-esk quality to it. Everyone has mustaches and looks as if everyone shopped at American Apparel or Urban Outfitters. Seriously, not a bro was in sight. I didn’t know that in the future, Hipster-Apparel has dominated the clothing market and people only wore high wasted slacks with a fully buttoned-up shirt. And oh yeah, EVERYONE HAS A MUSTACHE!

And don’t even get me started on the computers. It looks as if Apple had defeated the P.C.s in the great computer war in the future. I mean, the movie did not specify what kinda computer that universe was using, but it sure as hell looked like G.D. Apple.

Despite this whole complex-futuristic-concept of a man trying to finger-bang (as well as cock-bang) his O.S., it does raise some important philosophical questions about love. I wouldn’t say it’s a new concept since movies like Weird Science and Catfish had previously explored this “Man loves Computer” theme. Well, Catfish might be a different scenario since its some lady pretending to be somebody else, but it does have a lonely depressed guy falling in love with a computer screen in the mask of Facebook.

Random tangents aside, the question that I was confronted with after seeing this movie is if love belonged to just us humans in a form of mind and flesh, or is it a more universal emotion that only requires the ability of thought and desire?

I personally do not know the answer to that question because there has been relationships in the world that have been solely built on online dating and weird World of Warcraft marriages and shit. And I don’t really know jack-shit about love.

Here is what my friend Cameron has to say about the movie:

“i really liked Her. i feel like it spoke to something inside of me, on a more primal level about what it really means to connect with other beings and how limited our minds can be when it comes to who we decide to connect with/let into our lives, and what defines a true genuine connection for that matter as well.”

Aside from the hipster-accepted-form-of-insanity-love in the movie (if you saw the movie you would get that last jumble of words), some awkward parts in this movie are the sex scenes. When Twombly first have online sex (which reminds me of a not-so-distant-past of AOL Instant Messenger “cybering”) in a chat room, you are left kinda freaked out after a cat gets thrown into the mix, followed by tears of either joy or subconscious unresolved sexual problems. It was definitely weird, but funny. But weird fosho. It was also super hipster tho. I could imagine some hipster people drinking PBR in a tiny apartment in the Mission saying, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you can have online sex with a girl and her cat somehow gets involved.” And especially the first sex scene between the A.I., Samantha, and Twombly, it’s super uncomfortable and a little over the top. Sure Samantha is voiced by the blonde bombshell Scarlett Johansson, but . . . but . . . WE DON’T EVEN GET SIDE BOOB OR ANY BODY PARTS OF JOHANSSON!!! ALL WE GET IS JOAQUIN PHOENIX FACE CLIMAXING!!!

But speaking of hot chicks, I didn’t realize that Amy Adams is Amy. Yea, I realize how ironic the characters name is now. This is due to Adams blonde hair in the movie instead of her natural red. But never-the-less, she’s still pretty hot. She kinda looks like the hipster girl of my dreams, high wasted jeans and all.

All-in-all, Her is a good movie but I probably wouldn’t see it again. I could live without hearing Joaquin Phoenix make sex noise again, and I deff don’t wanna bang my computer.

Some Awesome Parodies of Her:

My favorite parody is with Johan Hill on Saturday Night Live called Me.

I love the awkwardness of Johan Hill mixed in with super awkwardness of trying to bang your computer; it just makes it super fucking awkward. And the ending scene with Michael Cera nails it. This could almost be better than the movie. It made my favorite line of the movie (the whole “love is like a socially accepted form of insanity blah blah blah”) seem super stupid. Ah, now you see that world jumble I had earlier. And man, that Cera robot-sexy-dance is one pimp move I gotta try on the ladies; panties droppin in no time.

This parody is called Him and is produced by Paul Gale Comedy. Instead of Johan Hill, we have Seth Rogen’s voice in this one and with a more stoner feel. It’s like Pineapple Express had sex (real or computer) with Her and birth this. Again, this parody makes fun of the great hipster stuff that Her has, including that insanity line.

I’m sure you can find more parody online of Her. But anywho, like always, you don’t have to take my word pho it. Just watch the movie yourself and see what you think. I mean, I saw it and I like it. But it still doesn’t mean my bro side can just forget about all the hipsterness of the movie. Iono, just watch the effin movie.

-Hope you have a good one, Sype

PS, don’t try to bang your computer, I don’t think Apple care supports damages done by your dick.

PPS, either via phone or AIM, we all cybered once in our life. Don’t deny it.

PPPS, don’t bang your computer, Apple doesn’t have a warranty for that crazy shit and you might cut your junk up.

A Bros Insight on Valentine’s Day: A Day of Hate & Love?

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Ah yes, it’s that time again, a time where couples ravish one another with elaborate gifts and post Facebook status singling single people out, once again reminding them of their lonesome partner-less life. It’s mother fugging Valentines Day!

A little history lesson (after browsing Wikipedia): Valentine’s Day is also known as Saint Valentine’s Day, named after the saint (you probably guessed it) Valentine. And who is St. Valentine? He was a saint back in the day who was imprisoned by the Roman Empire because he preformed weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry.

Anyways, blah blah blah, wrote a letter to the daughter of his jailer before his execution and signed it with “Your Valentine,” blah blah blah. Christian churches also celebrate his feat with the Feast of Saint Valentine, blah blah blah.

Yeah, that’s probably all the history lesson we need.

But here in America, Valentine’s Day is more of a commercial celebration instead of a religious stature. Like I said, on V-Day (I know, it sounds like a horrible STD, ironic right) singles are reminded of their singleness (Valentine’s Day AKA Singles Appreciation Day), and couples try to outdo one another; framing their courtship via social media.

Lets say it’s V-Day morning and you decide to wake up and browse your news feed and lo and behold, your news feed is dominated with couples doing couply things, pictures bragging their love and valentine gifts are in your fucking face telling you they have someone and you don’t. But you can’t be mad at them, it’s not their fault that they’re annoying the love out of you . . . oh wait, no, it is their fucking fault!

Elite Daily has some examples of these habits you’re doomed to encounter on social media:

http://elitedaily.com/humor/the-most-annoying-people-youll-encounter-on-social-media-this-valentines-day/

Check out their three examples of people you will see on V-day, its pretty spot on.

Social media is not the only place where you will encounter Valentine’s Day frustrations. Once you step out of your dark and lonely room and into the love tainted world of Feb. 14, you will run into couples, lovey dovey couples, everything is painted fucking pink and red with false shaped hearts every-fucking-where, alongside the war-zone of cupids’ arrow. And prepare for the worst when approaching young love birds. At first, they will seem cute and warming. . . and then once their innocent love is tainted by lust and pornographic heathenism, you cannot help but avert your eyes!

Here is Guyism telling us 7 of the Worst Things about Couples:

http://guyism.com/humor/worst-things-couples.html#1-7-of-the-worst-things-about-couples

I probably agree with number 4: PDA the most. Especially in enclosed environment, such as public transportation, is the fucking worst. Seriously, we’re on the bus and not a fucking rave, take your hands out of her pants and stop trying to eat your partners face. You don’t need to show me your “love” on the MUNI because it’s fucking disgusting. PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK INTO YOUR MOUTH AND SAVE IT FOR HOME!!! I don’t care if in the comfort of your own home you cats like to make out or practice the Australian Kiss (a kiss from down under), just not next to me on the bus. The SF MUNI is already vomitous and full of diseases; I don’t need to worry about catching anything else.

Well, all of that said, we single people are not the beez-knezz either. Yea yea, we are reminded that we’re single and (imagine me saying this in a hippy-hipster voice) “Valentine’s Day is a lame consumerist holiday made up by the card companies” blah blah blah . . . but we can’t help but  feel left out in all of cupids’ magic: so we hate.

Here are some people who felt left out of the magic and tried to make up for it (and probably some of these are parodies):

http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6952530/13-baes-caught-slippin-this-valentines-day

Or, you could be one of those people who’s actually in a relationship but actually wanna break up with your partner because you hate Valentine’s Day – or you secretly hate them – but you’re too pussy to break up with them so you just ride it out. . . I guess you can take some helpful hints from Jimmy Tatro on how to instead of breaking up with your partner, you can annoy them in breaking up with you:

Seriously, watch this video. Fucking. Brotastic.

But V-day is really a day to celebrate love with your partner.  I mean sure, you can rebut that you don’t need a day to show your love, but fuck it, you don’t need a day to give presents but you have Christmas; you don’t need a day to get super drunk while your friends try to kill you with free alcohol but you have birthdays; you don’t need a day to randomly drunkenly kiss a stranger but we have New Years; you don’t need a. . . I’ll probably just stop here.

Oh, here’s a tip guys: If your girl, or whatever she is, says to you that she doesn’t wanna do anything for Valentine’s Day then she’s a FUGGING liar. She’s just saying that so the words Valentine’s Day is in your head. Just do something, if anything something small. Shit, get her a Happy Meal. Just something.

Death Cab for Cutie will explain my emo feelings for this day:

valentines day pic

My friend Juno posted something on my Facebook wall with the caption of #ForeverAlone to remind me of my Valentine’s Day defeat.

And yes, he has a girlfriend, and yes, he is a douchebag.

But the link he posted up was a Facebook study stating that San Francisco is the worst place to try and obtain a relationship. Hmm wait, I currently live in San Francisco . . . shit.

http://www.theverge.com/2014/2/13/5408968/facebook-relationships-singles-data

Oh well, you can’t depend on Facebook for everything. But I can try and beat the odds. I guess if I wanna get into a “relationship,” according to Facebook, I’m either gonna have to move to Colorado or somehow con a woman in getting into a relationship with me and passing the benchmark of three months. Seems easy enough.

Personally I like Valentine’s Day and would love to ravish some girl with my courtship n’ all-up-in-that. But sadly I’m single and do not have anyone to give my seed **cough** I mean my gifts, to. I guess I could do what I did last year and take a friend out on a Valentine’s Day date and throw money around just say I did something . . . or I can gather a group of single people my age and say FUCK IT and go to a rave. . . I think I’m gonna do the latter (:P)

-Till next time and hopefully you wrap your tool and not get an STD this V-Day, Sype.

-PS, here are some funny anti-Valentine’s Day gifts from Buzzfeed:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzz/Anti-Valentines_Day_Gifts

-PPS, I love bad bit***s and that’s my fucking problem. –A$AP Rocky