It was my 26th birthday about two weekends ago; my brain, body and, especially, liver felt the wrath of the catastrophe. Lil naughty Asian boy I was. Pretty sure I drank enough alcohol to kill a baby elephant. Probably, but I’m not a doctor (#sorryasianparents).
So after the mess Pineapple Express caused in the Bay Area, another shitshow (my birthday) also caused reckless damages in San Francisco. Luckily, I survived both storms and have learned some valuable things from the event. Well not from Pineapple Express, but from turning 26 (yeah I know I’m an old man).
I know that some of this will not apply to everyone. Not to boast about myself, but I do have a lot of friends. And some of my friends are assholes, but they are my assholes. They may be cruel at times, but they’re cruel with good intentions . . . to f*ck you up on your birthday.
You’re friends will try and kill you with alcohol.
The beginning of the night started off with a reluctant whiskey pre-game. Which then turned into a full fledged pre-game with about 15 people crammed into my room, all trying to shove alcohol in my face. Not to mention that once I got to the bar everyone was trying to buy me drinks. So for those who are new to the “of age” birthday game, DO NOT PRE-GAME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! The main point of a pregame is because you’re either a poor bastard or because you’re cheap and/or Asian like me. But when it’s your birthday, everyone will buy you shots and beers and any random poison: a privilege that is normally reserved for cute girls. I learned this lesson first hand on my 21st: my buddy bought me a 4 horsemen and I puked my brains out! THREE TIMES! They say friends care, but best friends want to see you burn!
You will get drunk, trust me.
Like I said, don’t pre-game. You’re going to get drunk if you go out to a bar where about 30 or more people are there to celebrate the day of your birth. So if you don’t want to get drunk then grow some balls and reject those free shots or just keep it casual and simple. I didn’t last to midnight.
Your house will get destroyed if you don’t manage to leave your house.
I unintentionally hosted a pre-game and post-party and a sloppy brunch. So if you don’t want your house in shambles and spend your actual birth day cleaning with your roommate pissed off at you, then I would recommend that you raise your voice like Hilary Duff and tell everyone to get the hell out! Drunk friends equals a wrecked house. It’s simple math.
People will show up and some people won’t, it’s life.
In my case, a lot of people showed up. So make sure the venue you chose can fit and accommodate everyone! The only problem with this is that because of the vast amount of people, I did not get a lot of quality time with everyone. So if you’re the kind of person who likes to have hearts to hearts with your friends, then don’t invite more than 15 people. While some people show and some don’t, you can’t be upset at them. Life is bigger (brace yourself) than your birthday. We’re all adults now so understand that as adults we all have things to do.
Nothing ever really goes as planned.
You can plan and plan, but nothing ever goes to script when you’re planning on gathering a group of drunk people. Also if you’re the birthday boy, nothing will ever go as planned if YOU’RE DRUNK. Simple, don’t plan stuff if you’re planning on being drunk. Never works out, trust me.
You will be disappointed. So it’s ok to get mad and break shit. It’s your birthday!
Sure we’re all adults and sure we all have our own logical reasoning. But we can’t help but feel angry and betrayed if a friend doesn’t show up or if you miss your birthday brunch because of your drunk-ass friends, or if your house is filled with drunk loveable idiots destroying shit. So get mad, get angry, break some bottles or push a friend over a bush. It’s your birthday, you do what you want!!!
No matter how old you are, there will be drama.
When you gather a group of 20 or more drunk people together, there will be drama. No matter how hard you try avoiding it, drama always follow drunk people. You can hope to not be involved and gather some popcorn to watch the drama occur around you. Or do the simple mature thing by cutting the drama out of your life. But if you have an uneventful life like mine, the drama adds a little spice.
Try to embrace the chaos.
Like I said, things don’t go as planned or you will get angry. CHAOS WILL HAPPEN! So try to embrace it and enjoy the ride. It’s much easier to enjoy the destruction while being under the influences of alcohol. So before the sun rises and your hangover kicks in, enjoy it. It’s your birthday, have some fun!
Learn from your mid-20s because you’re quickly about to hit your late 20’s.
Right before I hit 25, I was going on vacations, attending frat parties, going to music festivals and just living life. Then after graduation and my 26th birthday, I quickly learned that sometimes you’re toooooo old for shit. Sure I still like a good rager. But as I got older, my focus started shifting onto different things. I started, what’s that word? Maturing! Slowly tho. It’s just life, you can’t live in Neverland pho eva. Have fun now, make some mistakes and, oh, have some fun. Your late 20s will be the time of growth and maturity, so be prepared because life is a bitch.
I hate birthdays; too much pressure in my case from family and friends. I’m going to be honest, I always felt like birthdays are for other people. I do enjoy the times and making memories that I won’t remember, but birthday celebrations sometimes suck. Gotta enjoy your alone time. #FullEmo
With that all being said, I did enjoy my (not so mature) birthday, with its ups and downs. These are just the lessons I learned from this particular b-day. I love all my friends and their impact on my life. It’s sad to remissness on how some friends whom I’ve became close with came and went, but hey that’s life. You can’t dwell on past memories, just got to move on and cherish the time you have now.
26 is going to be an interesting year pho me. Those student loans are going to catch up and I’m getting more wedding invitations as the day passes. So here’s to life. Wish me luck on my 26th. I’m going to need it.
ever wanted to say something but didn’t because it might be a little offensive? well there is now a way to do that with the help of MICROAGGRESSION!!! Check out what that word means by reading my latest post on Sorry Asian Parents.
The internet has always been a hub of good ideas: if you’re into stuff like DIY’s or trying to find a non-trendy-but-trendy-hipster place to brunch, or trying to gather up magical tips to help you lose your virginity for the first time. (Porn isn’t a reliable source for educational virgin tips for getting women or losing your virginity btw. Not everyone is lucky enough to just stumble into a threesome). But if you troll the internet a lot, like I do, you will notice that it is a Wild West of ideas with raw-uncensored thoughts. Which, of course, without filtration, the internet is saturated with a lot of racist (but sometimes hilarious) comments.
Instead of me calling it “internet racism,” lets ground this phenomenon in the scholarly world. First coined by Harvard professor Chester M. Pierce in 1970, psychiatrists have described these light “insults and dismissals” as