Interneting in Real Life: Collegehumor shows us how to not leave Facebook

By Airec Sype.

“Not everybody wants to share the painful details of their lives.”

“Oh really? You ever heard of Facebook?”

-The Odd Couple (2015)

CollegeHumor just released a video this week that hyperbolizes the annoyance of someone leaving the popular social online universe of Facebook by placing their departure in #RealLife.

I’m not talking about the “I’m turning off my Facebook for finals” person. I’m talking about that egotistic a-hole or b-word announcing to the world how much better of a person they are for choosing to leave a narcissistic social hub because they feel that they are better than everyone else . . . who ironically they consider their “friends.” WEEE all have that one friend on Facebook who thinks of themself as having a demigod-like-intellect, let’s admit it. And not all of them are hipsters, just some of them.

This kinda of reminds me of the people who only drink wine as they eat fancy French cheese, or people who obnoxiously throw their vacation in your face. Yeah, I know you went to Italy, but don’t coincidentally bring up how exotic the trip was or how great the pasta tasted when I ask if you wanna eat at Olive Garden.

Just don’t blame Facebook for everyone’s problems or validate your own shortcomings with the F.B. (fun buddy) addiction. It’s not this program’s fault that you can’t keep off it during dinner and social gatherings. I love it, you can share information, keep tabs on old friends and victories of old high school rivals, and let’s not forget that F.B. can help you do recon on that new crush of yours (AKA creeping). Everyone Facebook flirts, it’s just a rite of passage.

So if you’re going to leave Facebook, just provide a means to contact you and leave it be. Don’t write about how much better a person of the world you are for not being a slave to social media. You could just as easily turn your phone off or make that personal phone call instead of commenting on someone’s wall. It just seems like attention whoring if you write a whole speech on how different you are from everybody else.

Like at the end of the CollegeHumor video, I’ve definitely seen some friends return to Facebook after some kind of big news happens so he/she could brag about it to the world. Yeah, nonchalantly coming back to show the world your ring or new baby after that sweet witty departure, not narcissistic at all bro/hoe. Weeeee all do it, it’s human nature to want to announce to the world about your trials and victories. And yeah, some of it might come off as bragging. Leaving Facebook makes you no better than anyone else, the only difference is that you no longer have an app on your phone.

Also, if you’re leaving Facebook for another social media platform, please don’t brag about it like its the new MySpace. You just seem like a fucking douche-bag trying to one-up us the “sheep” of society. Now that would be hipster.

-Till next time, Sype.