Airec’s MisAdventures

Merry Christmas from Koko and Airec and Deadpool

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I forgot to re-blog this from Xmas. Opps. Typical Airecisms

#SorryAsianParents

By Airec Sype.

Howdy y’all. It’s been some time since we both have posted on our blog but here we are today. We both have been working on various different projects and still have been writing on different platforms. So it’s sad that we have been neglecting our baby. I (Sype.) am posting on this site because my credit card that was funding the payment for A Dark Minded Giggle expired and it was gonna cost me about 100 bucks to buy back the domain name . . . yeah, f*ck that. So I’m using this.

Let me start off with MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Whereas most families are spending their Xmas together, my dysfunctional but functional Asian family is spending it not together (I’m sure there is a better word for that). Any who, I’m sure we will all be together right before I leave.

Some khao poon and sticky rice with chicken and Thai green chili lime sauce Some khao poon and sticky rice with chicken…

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Exploring Microaggression: What the hell is Microaggression?

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ever wanted to say something but didn’t because it might be a little offensive? well there is now a way to do that with the help of MICROAGGRESSION!!! Check out what that word means by reading my latest post on Sorry Asian Parents.

Laters.

#SorryAsianParents

By Airec Sype

The internet has always been a hub of good ideas: if you’re into stuff like DIY’s or trying to find a non-trendy-but-trendy-hipster place to brunch, or trying to gather up magical tips to help you lose your virginity for the first time. (Porn isn’t a reliable source for educational virgin tips for getting women or losing your virginity btw. Not everyone is lucky enough to just stumble into a threesome). But if you troll the internet a lot, like I do, you will notice that it is a Wild West of ideas with raw-uncensored thoughts. Which, of course, without filtration, the internet is saturated with a lot of racist (but sometimes hilarious) comments.

Instead of me calling it “internet racism,” lets ground this phenomenon in the scholarly world. First coined by Harvard professor Chester M. Pierce in 1970, psychiatrists have described these light “insults and dismissals” as

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A Very Asian Christmas: A brief history about Christmas and Asians

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On the first day of the new year, I decided to post share a little knowledge I found concerning Asians and Christmas with a little Sype commentary. check it out and tell me what cha think!

#SorryAsianParents

By Airec Sype

not trying to break Santas lap not trying to break Santas lap

As I reminisce about my Christmas vacation, the overpowering memory of me sitting in my parents living room watching my six year old baby brother play Call of Duty on the PS3 underneath the 62’’ TV, as my eleven year old baby sister watched Ugly Betty on the iPad by the decorated artificial Christmas tree with wrapped presents underneath, this makes me wonder . . . where the fuck was my Christmas when I was 10 years old?

Growing up in the Central Valley, a predominantly White Christian Conservative area, the concept of Asian culture was foreign to kids of other ethnic culture in grade school. So a question I was often asked was, “Do Asians celebrate Christmas?”

Yes. Yes Asians do celebrate Christmas, you racist!

LOL, well let me elaborate on that. Yes and no, and well kind of.

For…

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#SorryAsianParents: A documentation of my failure and success as an “Asian-American”

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Hi this is Airec here. So of y’all might know that I’m Asian, no shocker there. So I decided to have a new writing project call SorryAsianParents. It should be funny, wacky and super random so check it out.

#SorryAsianParents

I just found this hat and I really love In-N-Out I just found this hat and I really love In-N-Out

By Airec Sype

I am Asian-American.

What does that mean exactly? Shit, I don’t really know.

I guess if you break AA down to its two root words, my ethnicity is composed of Asian and American. (Also being American can mean a bunch of different things, in this sense I’m talking about mainstream “white-America,” I guess. But I’m not trying to be racist here, or at least not too racist).

So I’m Asian-American. Parents were born in Asia, I was born in America; I have spiky hair and sharp eyes, but I don’t have an Asian accent . . . most of the time, sometimes it just slips out, just the tip (;P). All of these things that compose me are borrowed cultural stereotypes and figures that mix the two worlds into my own.

Even though two different cultures are…

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First Slap: Hits Harder Than a Kiss

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By Sype

 

 

Everyone has heard of the “First Kiss” video where 20 strangers together to kiss for the first time. Filmmaker Tatia Pilieva, born in the Republic of Georgia and received her MFA at the American Film Institute, was the one responsible for this internet craze. The film is in an artsy black and white, it’s beautiful, it shows an intimate moment between two strangers (straight, gay, lesbian) with some indie music in the back ground, yada yada yada!

Cool, feelings, I get it bro. But have you seen “The Slap?”

“The Slap” is one of the many videos inspired by “First Kiss” that has flooded YouTube.

Max Landis, an American screenwriter, originally created “The Slap” as a parody but it became something “much more interesting” as he explains in his follow up behind the scenes video “The Slap – Point of Impact.”

I actually saw “The Slap” before “First Kiss.” And I don’t regret it.

I remember seeing my Facebook news-feed blowing up with re-posts of Pilieva’s video. And quite frankly, it did not seem that appealing to me. If I wanted to watch a video about two strangers kissing I would much rather watch lesbian porn, at least I knew that would go somewhere more interesting. But I will give Pilieva credit, her video was chill.

I didn’t need to watch a video about strangers kissing to ignite something mushy in me about intimacy. I have romantic comedies for that, along with the reminder of how I don’t have a girlfriend.

However, Landis “The Slap” had a different reaction in me.

From the moment the first palm smacked a cheek, I. Could. Not. Stop. Laughing!

There is something hilarious about watching a bunch of (attractive) strangers slap the sh*t out of each other. And the music that Landis choose for the video fits perfectly as its mellow-indie sound contrast the actions of the strangers. Oh man, pretty hipster girls slapping each other.

Within the first 14 seconds I just started laughing!

You can see how at first the strangers are awkwardly feeling each other out and the WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA’AM! After the awkward slap-a-duction, it’s just a full on slap-fest!

Look at these hipsters go as they just unwell a furry of face-hi-fives. There was no anger, it was just fun! These two girls even made a little back story to their slap-a-thon.

Also, you may even notice the “I see dead people” kid, Haley Joel Osment, in this bombardment of slaps, as well as other actors and actresses. The woman that is faced off with Osment cannot hold in her excitement as she realizes that shes about to slap one of her childhood icons.

Landis is right when he says that when you take violence out of slapping someone, it really is an intimate moment. (Kind of an anger bang.)

Think about all those times you randomly slapped your friend(s) from across the quad in high school. Or those times when your buddy was thinking of being a little b*tch and you had to slap him out of it. It’s funny! The Three Stooges and members of Jackass are a prime examples of this slapstick style of laughter.

So watch the video, then slap a buddy. Trust me, it’s going to be one hell of a time.

Also, don’t blame me if your friend kicks your a*s after you slap him.

Here are some random funny slap videos to keep your time till next time, peace.

Top 10 Things that K&A Hate and Love About EDC (or any other festivals as well)

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By: Koko and Airec

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Zips chillin for a pose at EDC 2012. Rage.

The Electric Daisy Carnival is the most magical place on Earth (sorrywerenotsorry, Disney). Over the years the location of this magical insomniac wonderland has changed, but that doesn’t mean that the aesthetic feel of its importance is lost. (Dem feels bro). The current home of this electronic fairy tale, that is waiting to be written by the likes of 400,000 attendance , is in the Graceland, or Sin City, of Las Vegas.

There are so many reasons to love EDCLV! This event has got it all. DJs, rides, art … and of course your best friends by your side. With the good comes the bad, and the world wouldn’t be balanced if there wasn’t a sense of Yin & Yang to the Electric Daisy. Here is a list of the top 10 things we utterly hate and absolutely love about the past 3 years of Las Vegas’ Electric Daisy Carnival.

the picture of our credentials of past EDC, Koko and I are in all 4 of em, the only members of our group to do so
The picture of our credentials of past EDCS, Koko and I are in all 4 of em, the only members of our group to do so.

Please feel free to add your hates & loves in a comment below!

HATES

1. LACK OF SANITATION

This is more of a personal problem but we know we’re not the only ones with our panties in a bunch about it. Not all port-o-potties have hand sanitizer in them. Yuck! Come on Insomniac.

Sype: Dudes, just make sure you drip properly and try to not get any piss on yourself. Being drunk isn’t an excuse. However if you do, just wipe it off on your pants; no one will know if you don’t tell anyone . . . not even your bros . . . cuz that sh*t is gross

2. DJ OVERLAP

Insomniac forces us to make some serious life decisions when they decide to have some of your favorite DJ’s playing their sets at the same time. If only it were possible to be in 2 places at once, but this isn’t Harry Potter and we can’t all have Hermione’s magical pendent. (We both LOVE Emma Watson FYI. Especially Sype because he’s a creeper).

Sype: So plan your time wisely. Even if you do plan on seeing half a DJ’s set to make it to another, you can still miss out on some of the best drops or musical performance the set. Tip: see your favorite DJ last 30 minutes instead of the first. I know this because Ish was forced to carry me KICKING AND SCREAMING as we left Mat Zo’s set when he dropped “Rebound” last year. I will never forgive him. Also remember that sometimes things change; I didn’t expect to leave Above & Beyond for Fedde Le Grand, but hey, it happened (thanks Koko).

3. THE SUNRISE BOOT

When the last DJ finishes the his/her set, the Speedway security will try to kick everyone out right away. Thus abruptly ruining your magic as you’re reminded that once you leave the top stairs of the Speedway- reality awaits you.

Koko: It would be really nice to ride a few rides and refill my water bottle before making the journey back to the strip.

Sype: Girls, don’t forget to use the restroom or else you’re gonna be like that one girl at EDC 2012 rushing out of the shuttle bus and peeing on the side of the road as she beaver shot everyone. Guys . . . well we’re pretty much covered. Thank you penis.

4. DOUCHEBAGS & BITCHES

Me flexing, I just turned 21. . .yes I know I looked like a douche bag for taking this picture, but hey, I just turned 21
Me flexing, I just turned 21. . .yes I know I looked like a douche bag for taking this picture, but hey, I  had just turned 21.

And when we say D-Bags and B-Word, we mean it in the most constructive, positive way. Maybe we don’t understand you, so we don’t know why you’re acting like this; maybe you had a bad childhood and the only way of life that you know how to live is one full of rudeness and vile attitudes that cause you to lash out in society with your scowl. But please, even with all of your baggage, this does not give you the right to be a fugging as*hole!

We hate it when someone is pushing through the crowd with fierce elbows, stomping on our feet as they try to bull-rush to the front. We also hate it when someone runs into you without saying sorry. We also hate . . . well, we simply hate it if you’re just being plain rude! (Exclamation marks times infinity!)

Why you gotta be like that?!? We understand you may be high or whatever, but please be considerate of the people around you and mind your manners. We know yo mama didn’t raise you to be no fool!

Koko: So be kind, practice your PLUR.

Sype: Or just don’t be an AS*HOLE!

5. PEOPLE ASKING YOU FOR DRUGS

We understand that you like to party, but please stop asking us if we have drugs. And if we say no, please don’t nag us with statements like: “we know you have some” or “please, it’s my first rave.” That just makes you desperate and a rave sl*t. And girls, don’t whore yourself to guys for free hits of molly, just because you have a pretty face doesn’t mean it will always get you what you want. (Like those hot Canadian girls who tricked our friend at EDC 2012, his little head won their battle but lost his war)

Sype: Also, just because I’m Asian and I’m wearing a panda cap smiling as wide as my eyes, doesn’t mean I’m rolling!!!

asian boyfriend
Asian hat + Asian eyes = makes for a cute Asian boy ;P

6. LOSING YOUR FRIENDS

Losing your friends is never fun. It’s dark, it’s loud, and there are a million people around you. SO DON’T FREAK OUT. You wanna see your favorite DJ but you fear never being able to find your friends again in all the madness.

Losing your friends sucks, but what’s worst is losing your girlfriend or boyfriend, then that would really suck. You don’t know who’s trying to squirrel up your nut. The worst part about this is that there is slim to none cell-phone reception so . . . good luck.

But if you’re a #zip then you know your crew has specific meeting times in case anyone is ever lost. Genius!

Meeting at the Zipper, #Bros4Life
Meeting at the Zipper, #Bros4Life

Just try to enjoy the moments as EDC throws them at you when you get lost. Make the best of it. Sometimes the most fun is when you’re by yourself and free to do whatever you want.

7. HAVING TO LEAVE WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD

This has happened to all of us, we’re enjoying a set and we have leave for some reason or we just gotta get out of there. Leaving a crowd always sucks! You gotta push and shove your way out of a sea of sweaty, angry people because you’re disrupting their experience as they brush off your “sorry’s” and “pardon me’s.”

I'm just wondering around
I’m just wondering around..

Then to tack onto this not-so-pleasant experience, the trip back. If you left a girlfriend/boyfriend or your crew, you are faced with the decision of fighting your way back through the same people you just pissed off or, do you enjoy the set from outside of the mass? Your choice.

Sype: Yeah, fugg that, I’m old. I’ll just stay out there and enjoy it from afar. My friends know where to find me.

Koko: Especially at Circuit Grounds. WTF is going on that there is a 20 degree temperature difference if you walk an extra 5 feet toward the stage? Eff that. I’ll stand in the back where I can get a breeze. Or get a VIP wristband from somebody and enjoy that Very Important Person view 😉

Koko getting a breeze . . . and just adding a little sex appeal ;P
Koko getting a breeze . . . and just adding a little sex appeal ;P

8. HIGH WINDS/BEING COLD

High winds in Vegas can ruin your EDC experience . . . like how the vicious winds of Las Vegas robbed us of Markus Schulz EDC 2012. We had just experience a pleasing set from Calvin Harris and had just arrived at Markus before the winds kicked it. WE WERE ROBBED!!! Our 2nd day ended early. This maybe unrelated but our friend DeathMetal puked his brains out after Markus reluctantly told the crowd they had to leave the majestic A State of Trance stage . . . but that might be because of something else.

High winds ROBBED us of DAY 2 of EDC during my (Sype) fave DJ set, MARKUS SCHULZ
High winds ROBBED us of DAY 2 of EDC during my (Sype) fave DJ set, MARKUS SCHULZ

Koko: Being a girl, we know that when we go to raves, we might not be wearing the most father-approving clothes. So when those high winds kick in, we’re freezing out little tutus off. Burr. This is the most appropriate time to create a cuddle puddle in the grassy field or ask a guy friend for his sweater (;P)

9. LEAVING THE SPEEDWAY

When the sun is already high in the morning sky that can only mean one thing, the festival for the day is over. This also means another thing . . . RAVE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!

RAVE ZOMBIES!!! Thank God we don't dress like this or get as zombified anymore
RAVE ZOMBIES!!! Thank God we don’t get as zombified anymore.

And trust us, nobody looks good in this zombie light. When the day is over, there are hella amounts of brainless ravers trying to rush out the Speedway in a slow Walking Dead like fashion. Everyone smells like cigarettes, body odor, and of course Vicks.

Don’t even get us started on leaving the Speedway parking lot. There is no such thing as PLUR in the Speedway parking lot. It’s over packed with people who are coming down and trying to GET THE HELL OUT! Everyone is cutting each other in-line and doesn’t seem to know where they’re going.

One time leaving the Speedway on the last day of EDC we saw some ravers get out and start shuffling outside their car in traffic . . . while they must have still been high, this irritated us. Get in your car and move! While stuck in traffic, the only thing we could have done was channel our anger to these kids who were still living EDC . . . damn those kids.

damn kids and their shuffling
damn kids and their shuffling

Koko: While stuck in leaving-the-speedway-traffic, we exchanged booze and kandi with some nice ravers in the car next to us. Traffic isn’t all that bad when people uphold the PLUR.

Sype: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE! Be safe.

10. SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS AND RETURNING TO REAL LIFE

saying goodbye always suck #demfeels bro
Saying goodbye always sucks. #demfeelsbro

After spending an amazing week in Vegas and living in a magical wonderland of EDC, no one wants to leave. Trust us when we say there will be water works; floods of tears will fill hotel rooms as one-by-one your crew starts to take off into the abyss of adulthood.

It’s hard to say goodbye to something that made you really happy for a whole week, it’s also hard to say goodbye to your friends who you only see once in a blue moon, or this could have been one of the rare times where everyone is together, fact of the matter is that no matter how tough you are, saying goodbye at EDC is going to feel like one giant Death Cab for Cutie concert. It’s clinically depressing.

Koko: Every time I leave my friends after EDC I cry. I just can’t help it. We’re all depressed, the highs have plummeted to painful lows, and everyone’s climbing aboard the feels train. All we can do is start the countdown for the next year’s EDC.

Sype: We men don’t cry, but we can go on walks. Trust me, when everyone is leaving just say a quick goodbye and give a light hug so you can jolly-off on a dark stroll down the bright neon lit Vegas strip, it helps.

 

 

LOVES

1. FREE WATER!!!!

Need we say more? Don’t pay for that shiiiiizzle.

2. FREE RIDES

What other carnival/fair offers free rides!? Pretty dope.

weeeee pho fleeeee
Weeeee pho freeeee

3. FRIENDLY COPS

Once you’re inside the motor speedway, the security and cops are super nice! You can always spot them fist pumping at a stage or trading kandi with ravers. It really makes the whole experience more comfortable when you know that the cops will party with you and protect you at the same time.

4. LAS VEGAS LOVES US.

The city of Las Vegas had no idea what hit them EDC 2011. L.V. citizens were like ‘WTF is EDC and why are all these kids running around in tutus!?’ Now the city welcomes us with open arms by holding EDC week where all major hotels, clubs and pools are on board with the raving mayhem. They love us for bringing in millions of dollars in revue in a week’s time, and we love them for being so accommodating.

Cheers! WE'RE IN VEGAS
Cheers! WE’RE IN VEGAS

5. EDC SCHEDULE

We love that the EDC website has an interactive schedule maker so you can create your schedule for each day and even share it with your friends through social media! Remember the days of having to hand write a schedule of DJ sets? Yikes.

6. THE PRODUCTION

What makes EDC standout from other festivals is the time and money that Insomniac puts into their production: the art, the variety of colorful stages in tuned with the music that is being preformed there, the lights, the vast amounts of performers and entertainment, ALL OF IT!

Clowns plus a marching band?!?!? oh yeah that's sick . . . unless you're afraid of clowns and hate music, then sucks for you
Clowns plus a marching band?!?!? Oh yeah that’s sick . . . unless you’re afraid of clowns and hate music, then sucks for you.

Sype: One of my favorite memories of last year EDC was after Koko and I left Above & Beyond to see Fedde Le Grand and she pointed out the lights in the sky. As I looked up, I saw multiple streams of white light from all around the Speedway that met in the middle. This I thought gave EDC that final touch of a magical environment that sealed off any influence of the outside world and strengthened the illusion of being in a magical wonderland. Unless that production *cough Art Cart cough* blocks your view and plays loud amateur DJ music robbing you 10 minutes of Ferry Corsten’s set, then yeah the production sucks! But everything else is awesome.

7. RANDOMLY FINDING YOUR FRIENDS

We found each other! lets make hearts with our hands!
We found each other! Let’s make hearts with our hands!

As anyone would know, getting lost fugging sucks. And to make this worst, due to the massive amounts of people at EDC, that smart phone that you flashed to all of your friends with its bells and whistles (and especially in front of that one friend who still has that museum-grade-flip-phone) is now useless. It basically becomes an overpriced camera with a digital clock. When you’re lost and really really really want to find your friends, this can kill your experience. But somehow with a stroke of luck and a pinch of EDC magic you do happen to find your friends, there is a sheer thrill of happiness that one cannot describe. Finding your friends allows you to not only create memories, but it also allows you to have the pleasure of knowing that you created those memories with your friends and loved ones.

8. NEW FRIENDS

6 of 70, the first of us to enter in EDC 2013 Day 3
We just met these cool people from New York.

You know that song “No New Friends” by DJ Khaled featuring that crippled guy on Degrassi Drake? Well that’s bullsh*t! That kind of mentality does not fly here at EDC. Sure you came with people, but you got to realize that you have the potential of making 400,000 new friends in this magical wonderland.

Given if that person isn’t an as*hole or a c*nt. Then steer away from them; they’re just here for the beer and b*tches. Try to look for goodness in everyone, but try not to get taken advantage of.

We started our festival group with a handful attending EDC 2009, and now we’re about 70 people large and GROWING! #ZipperSquad So make some new friends, it’s totally worth it!

9. SEEING YOUR FAVORITE DJ/ THE MUSIC

Why do we go to EDC? WELL IT’S FOR THE MUSIC!!! We love the music that EDC offers us. Or else we wouldn’t be spending a bunch of money risking our health by dehydrating ourselves in the middle of a freaking desert.

I couldn't help but life up one of my best friends when we heard Sander Van Doorns "Eagles"
I couldn’t help but lift up one of my best friends when we heard Sander Van Doorns “Eagles”

Sype: If I wanted to do that I would have stayed in Fresno. There is something about the combination of music and friends that when you combine those two, that song or DJ set will forever hold a place in your heart. So every time you listen to an old live set or hear that special song, your mind will be rushed like a fireman’s hoes with euphoria as your body shivers as your reminded of that time and place where you and your friends jumped in joy when that song first encompassed you guys like a warm blanket of merriment.

10. THOSE MAGICAL MEMORIES

Those little magical memories make up our story, as told to us by Above & Beyond
Those little magical memories make up our story, as told to us by Above & Beyond

We may not know the meaning of life, and it’s probably not hidden in the subtext of EDC, but we do know the meaning of “live in the moment.” Not YOLO, because that is a load of bullsh*t young kids say before they do something stupid or slutty. But EDC is our favorite place to create these magical memories which was forged by “living in the moment” that will forever binds us to our friends, helping us on the road to happiness down this “meaning of life.” Despite the constant alcohol abuse and head injuries, we will never forget the magic that we and our friends have fostered at EDC, in the Las Vegas Speedway or on the Strip.

May it be the memory of someone clogging our toilet on the third day of six at EDC 2012, forcing us to use the lobby bathroom every time we had to pee or poo, or may it be the memory of seeing the sunrise on the last day of EDC that year as we watched and heard Aly & Fila perform their hit “We Control the Sunlight.”

All of these joyous times we will carry with us until the day we die. We will forever remember our time at EDC and the happiness we felt. It truly is a magical place, we hope that you guys will be able to make your own magic during your adventures there because even if, God forbid, EDC gets shut down, EDC will forever be alive in our hearts and memories.

Till next time, please have a safe and fun EDC from Koko and Airec. Laters.

night 2
EDC 2013 Night 2, everyone, plus a few new friends, together

P.S. A last note from Sype: Koko will not be attending EDC this year due to her amazingly-awesome responsibility (and representing us #ZipperSquad) in the Peace Corps in South Africa. I will have to admit that my group and I will be deeply sadden with her absence. Not having a partner in crime, who has been with me closing out EDC for the past 4 years, is going to not feel (opposite of happy feelings words jumble). But when she comes back, we will rage. Even in 20 years when we all have kids and are married, we shall meet up and live it up, cherishing our moment, everyone’s moment, together. It’s a promise.

We dressed classy to get trashy for this trance event, POP NYE 2012/2013
We dressed classy to get trashy for this trance event, POP NYE 2012/2013

 

 

Bros v. Pros: The Mens Guide to EDC While Trying Not To Be a Douchebag

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I know not really, but during festival season this becomes more and more true
I know not really, but during festival season this becomes more and more true

By: Sype.

With only just a few days till the Electric Daisy Carnival in Las Vegas, I think it’s time for me to provide some BROs v. PROs tips from my six years of attendance (embarking on my 7th year down the rabbit hole this year). This will be a continuation of my partner, Koko’s, blog post, “Hoes vs Pros: An Empowering Women’s Guide to EDC 2014.” So make sure you check her post out as well, she has a bit more information for the ladies than I do.

Before I continue on with this long laundry list of BROs vs PROs do’s and don’ts, I would like to say a DISCLAIMER!: I am not an expert in any field, except for the field of disappointing my Asian parents (which is why I created the hashtag #sorryasianparents), so I would like you to read this with a grain of salt; especially the BRO tips, those are to be taken lightly. These are things that I’m doing and that have worked for me in the past. I don’t want you hurting yourself or others and be coming after ME for it. I don’t wanna get sued.

(Asian accent) One more ting, I want to emphasize on the element of friends: The people you surround yourself with at EDC can make or break your experience. Make sure you trust the right people and make sure your friends are there for you and you for them. I know from experience that sometimes in the lowest of lows, your best friend can become your biggest enemy. EDC has shown me some of my friends’ true colors and it has affected those bonds, so pick your friends wisely.

The final group picture of EDC 2013 as the sun was rising.
The final group picture of EDC 2013 as the sun was rising.

Now let’s begin.

BEFORE EDC

DIET/Exercise

im still not in the best shape now but im trying. And I cut out my friend Grumpy Cat from the picture haha.
im still not in the best shape now but im trying. And I cut out my friend Grumpy Cat from the picture haha.

Usually everyone, from the moment you buy your ticket and even from the moment you leave the speedway the final day of EDC 2013, you think about how for the next EDC you’re gonna be in better shape. And if you’re already in better shape, you want to be in even better shape.

BRO TIP: Alright bros, it’s almost time for EDC and you wanna be  swoll as fu*k. So how do you get there? It’s time to take some pre-workouts and magic diet pills where you can workout and eat as much as you want. Do a bunch of bicep workouts and chest flies, show them other betas and bitches that you’re a mutha effin Alpha at this rave. Suns out, guns out.

PRO TIP: Well, the best advice is to watch your diet. Sure you workout, but that only gives you a little leeway and doesn’t excuse you from eating whatever you want. You can chose to diet however you want, just make sure you listen to your body to avoid pushing your “weight loss” to harmful limits. Eat right and do a lot of cardio; trust me, your lungs will appreciate this.

REMEMBER: Supplements are there to help you, not build a magic body with no foundation. Supplements can help you obtain your goal of getting into better shape, but once you’re in Vegas and journeyed through the 3 days of EDC, workout supplements aren’t gonna be of much use. Your body is going to go through 3 days (even more days since you’re gonna be in Vegas for more than those 3 days of EDC) of partying, and a supplements-fueled body is going to be reduced to its basic form.

Also, I’ve been doing a lot of leg workouts to help me prepare for all the jumping that will occur. So DON’T SKIP LEG DAYS: lots of squats, calf raises, and of course body weight jump squats. You’ll never know when you’re gonna put that hottie that you’ve been eying all night on your shoulders for a ride so she can see her favorite DJs from a sky view.

lifting chicks up on the Golden Gate Bridge
lifting chicks up on the Golden Gate Bridge

Asides from diet and exercising, REST is really important. Your body cannot heal itself, nor lose the weight you desire unless you get rest. A good amount of rest is just as important as an E-stack.

Cpt. A and Tiny Ginger passed out at 6am in Vegas
Cpt. A and Tiny Ginger passed out at 6am in Vegas

Supplies/Attire: Stuff will get destroyed so be prepared to lose shit.

Life always favors the well prepared. I forgot who said that, or maybe that is just grinded into my brain because I’m Asian and we always like to plan things, iono.

BRO TIP: Tanks, sunglasses, dr*g, money, tickets, hoes. All. You. Need.

I mean, you can't fit all of these in your fanny-pack but you get the idea.
I mean, you can’t fit all of these in your fanny-pack but you get the idea.

PRO TIP: You don’t want to wear some flashy Nikes to EDC, you want to wear something that is comfortable to jump around in or something that you wouldn’t mind destroying. Trust me, after 3 days in the Speedway your going to want to throw those shoes out with all the dusk and holes (not to mention all the urine or other humanly fluids that you will have stepped on in the port-a-potty) that they will accumulated.

PRO TIP: You also can’t show off those awesome (or in my case awkward-standing-and-twitching) dance moves without the proper bottoms. Shorts are usually ideal for this kind of situation, especially in the heat of Vegas. Sometimes I would wear hipster jeans that I cut off at knee length (they show off my nice ass and hard calves baby). But make sure you chose the right kind of jeans. The first time I tried this I used Abercrombie jeans . . . horrible mistake. The ones that work for me are Levis jeans, they are a bit more elastic and comfortable. If you have a pair of raver pants, by all means wear ‘em if you can stand the heat.

PRO TIP: You shouldn’t care about how you dance, IT’S EDC and no one else is going to care. This is a judgment free zone where you can express freely through your own form of dance. Go ahead and let loose, have some fun; move your arms and jump around. You’ve waited a whole 365 days for this and you can’t let someone judgments weight you down! Be yourself and the fun will follow.

REMEMBER: Although EDC is the main reason why you’re in Vegas, it’s important to bring some “Vegas” clothes just in case you decide to hit up a club. It never hurts to look nice.

REMINDER: It’s also really important that you bring some comfortable clothes. That Vegas heat will kill you if you don’t prepare for it. Plus, you don’t want to be sweating balls I’m sure.

PRO TIP: The Fanny-Pack! I know that some people make fun of me for wearing a fanny-pack at raves, but come-on, they’re so useful. You can put stuff in it like cigarettes, maps, water-bottles, lighters, iono whatever, in it so you won’t feel discomfort while twitching around at EDC. Other useful fanny-pack items are Vicks, gum, and chapstick. Well, if you go to raves then I don’t really need to explain this one. You might have to sneak some of these stuff in so guys, I recommend clenching ’em between your balls. But make sure to wrap some kind of tissue paper around ’em so when you actually use these illicit items, they won’t be smelling the your ball-sweat. (Side Story: Juno and I during EDC 2009 snuck in Vicks vapor rub sticks and our entire group ended up partaking it’s menthol aura . . . so in a non-direct way, we kinda t-bagged our friends.)

PRO TIP: Extra supplies like cigs, chapstick, Vicks, candy, whatever, are great tools for making new friends. Offer some to those in need and a friend will be made in the exchange.

BRO TIP: Use em to get hoes!

PRO TIP: Avoid being selective to those in need and (when you can) avoid being a douchebag (I know I sometimes don’t think and fall to this trait.)

Snacks are important, especially if you’re broke or just don’t wanna leave your hotel room. Bring something easy to chew- y’all know this one, right? Another thing that I like to bring is a meal replacement shake or something like Ensure or Slim-fast. You don’t really have to listen to this one, but I recommend it. In those times of post-hungover-don’t-want-to-eat EDC moments, these shakes are easy to digest and has lots of protein, carbs, fiber, and calories that your body is desperately needing due to 12 hours of raging with alcohol and other party favors.

!!!IN EDC!!!

6 of 70, the first of us to enter in EDC 2013 Day 3
6 of 70, the first of us to enter in EDC 2013 Day 3

Scheduling

BRO TIP: Walk in with your bros after a hard pregame because shit aint cheap at EDC. Pregame your dome off and try to meet some cuties on the shuttle buses; get them digits. Then you walk in with your bros and find some hoes to grind on. F*ck the timesluts (timeslots)! LETS GET FU*KED UP!!!

PRO TIP: Solidify your schedule. I like to make sure I know who I’m seeing and who else wants to enjoy those DJs with me. When I go to EDC, it’s for the music and the experience, not to get laid. Well, I mean if I meet an awesome girl then I guess that’s a little extra. So I like to make sure I look at the time slots to make sure I know where I’m going and my friends know where I’m going to be.

PRO TIP: Since I don’t have a smart phone and just a flip-phone (this is because I’m poor and I’m spending all my money at raves), I like to text myself and my friends the car’s location. The parking lot of the Speedway is gridded so each section of the parking lot has a specific spot.

BRO TIP: Just get into EDC as fast as you can so you don’t miss anything. It doesn’t matter if you don’t remind yourself where your car is, just get in! If you do lose your car, just aimlessly wander around in the dark parking-lot. You’ll find the car . . . eventually.

PRO TIP: Make sure everyone in your car has each-others’ numbers and a specific time  and place of where to meet up. This happened to me last year when my phone died and my iTouch didn’t have my friend, Cpt. Ahab’s, number. This caused a lot of frustration. You can also write down important numbers and important (hotel) addresses on a card and keep it in your wallet. This also depends on you NOT LOSING SHIT!!!

PRO TIP: Have a meeting spot. If your festival group is as big as mine, about 70 people big #ZipperSquad, then you will need to have designated meet up times. Last year we usually did every 3 hours or so. This will help on group pictures. We all know that one person in the group, or in my group 5 unnamed girls, that loves to take group pictures all the time. This way you can help them complete this Xbox achievement now instead of hearing them nag about not being able to take a group picture later.

raving bring us together

PRO TIP: MAKE SURE YOU GUYS AGREE ON A MEET UP SPOT! Last year my group was suppose to meet up at the Zipper ride, but little did we know that there were TWO DIFFERENT ZIPPER RIDES! With the lack of telecommunications, a bunch of us kept appearing at different Zippers. Which then cause us to run around from one end of EDC to another. One of the negatives that this meet up situation is that the meet up could be during one of your favored DJ sets. You gotta pick and choose on what you want to do; I can’t choose for you.

Getting LOST!!!

BRO TIP: If you lose your friends then try and find a hoe. If you can’t find a hoe then FREAK THE F*CK OUT!!!

PRO TIP: Chances are you will lose people, or you yourself will get lost. So it’s important to keep track of your friends. I’ve seen some couples wearing chains made up of kandi before in the past. That’s a good idea . . . if you’re dating them! DO NOT engage in that kind of commitment (I know I hate commitment of any kind, ask the few girls I’ve tried dating) if you are not dating that person or not wanting to . . . how do I say this . . . have a magical evening with he/she. You can also hold hands with someone while traveling through crowds, but we all know bros don’t hold hands, it’s in our masculinity manual. I mean, I’m not homophobic but bros usually just don’t hold hands with bros . . . unless you’re a gay bro, then you can hold whatever you want. But I’ll hold your hand Lance (;P)

PRO TIP: If you do get lost, then I just enjoy it. Some of my most fun moments was when I got lost at EDC and wander abouts by myself. Try to enjoy the experience and don’t freak out. If you remember your meetup times then you should be safe. Also, try to make some new friends out of this. Mostly everyone at EDC is friendly and knows that (mostly) everyone is there to enjoy the magical wonderland of the Electric Daisy Carnival.

NEW FRWEND!!!!
NEW FRWEND!!!!

GIRLS!!!!! Why men do sh*t that they don’t want

GRIND BABY GRIND!!!
GRIND BABY GRIND!!!

BRO TIP: When looking for a mate, it’s easier to find the most fugged up one. If she’s trippin’ when shes a walkin’ then you best be stalking. Once you find that hot babe where you think her E and C needs your D to complete her set, then you just keep eying her, make sure she knows you’re staring at her. You can either try using one of these sweet pick-up lines from LessThan3 or follow my simple bro-oves. First, you slowly start pumping your fist towards her. As you get near her make sure she smells your man juice. After she notices your presence, take her from behind with a sneaky back-attack like the Alpha you are and start grinding on that ass. If she doesn’t like it then it’s not your fault, she’s probably a slut anyways. Repeat. Done.

PRO TIP: Despite my lack of knowledge with girls (most of the time I try to act as if girls don’t even like me), I know it’s not a good idea to knife a random girl from behind. I mean, yeah sure it has worked for me in the past, but not every girl likes to be grinded on with your cubby; as BuzzFeed explains to us why grinding can be unpleasant. Well, unless you look like Channing Tatum of course, then you can grind on whatever girl is willing. So I had to ask Koko for this part of the tips. She says that it is important to make sure the girl notices you first before sneaking up on her from behind, and that it’s best to converse with her before trying to ask for some bump & grind. She says that it’s even better to ask a girl to dance. Also remember guys, dancing with a girl does not mean any grinding has to be involved, you can still dance with a girl and not have your lusting semi rubbing all up against her.

PRO TIP: If a girl rejects your invitation to dance or hook up, make sure you respect her decision. It doesn’t make her a slut if she chooses not to participate in your lustful intention. However, if she does reject you for being, oh iono, Asian or having a flip-phone, then maybe (just a little bit) she might be a bitch.

And remember girls, not every guy who approach you is trying to get into your pants (maybe). Try to make a friend out of it. And if the guy is a creep then just tell him to leave. This blog article by Eberhardt Smith, titled “Stop Saying “I Have a Boyfriend”” offers some good advice in this field. If he continues to aggressively pursue or if he calls you names, then remember that you have about 100,000 friends who will help you out of the situation. A real gentleman will respect you for your body as well as your mind.

END OF THE DAY 

Leaving EDC

Rave Zombies . . . EVERYWHERE!!!!
Rave Zombies . . . EVERYWHERE!!!!

BRO TIP: GET THE F*CK OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN. F*CK EVERYONE ELSE AND SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!

PRO TIP: Make sure you have all of your stuff before leaving. If you happen to lose something, walk over to lost & found to see if they have your stuff. Also, make sure your friends are with you.

PRO TIP: Make sure you refill your water bottles and use the bathroom before you leave, it’s going to be one long dreadful ride back to the hotel.

BRO TIP: If you need to pee, just go off the side of the road. F*ck the police.

Back at the Hotel

BRO TIP: Stop being such a p*ssy and drink up, snort up, and get ready to hit the pool parties. Since you didn’t eat anything and just danced for 12 hours straight, you’re gonna look hella ripped bro.

REMINDER: Girls always have a cheap ticket for pool parties, or free at times. Guys, you’re kinda f*cked on this one. Unless you know a promoter. But then again, EVERYONE is a promoter in Vegas. So try and get tickets in advance by searching for pool-parties online. Here is Global Dance Electronic list.

PRO TIP: After a solid night of raging it’s important to eat & rest. Even if you nap for 3 hours, it’s still more important than pounding a Red Bull and heading off to a pool party. I mean by all means attend a pool party, but make sure you’re in the right condition to do so.

Getting that well needed rest under the table
Getting that well needed rest under the table

Well, after powering through this you can take my “PRO” advice or just simply laugh along with my BRO-vice. Just remember that it’s important to put your health first. You can “live it up” or “YOLO,” but make sure your body can handle it. You’re at EDC to have fun, not die and END EDC for all of us. Also make sure your friends around you are safe and in good health as well. I know some of us festival goers like to partake in party favors, but don’t be afraid to approach the medic tent. Your life is more important than getting in trouble by mom and dad for partaking in the festival dark side. Insomniac has a list of do’s and don’ts as well, take a look at ’em. But just remember, always be a PRO raver and not (just) a BRO.

Here is this year’s teaser trailer: