Editorial

Puns in Ikea . . . Yeah, Puns Are Still Funny

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By Airec Sype.

Simon Gilmore released this about video of him shopping, or rather his girlfriend shopping and he annoying, her at an IKEA. In the two-minute video, the Australian relentlessly throws puns after puns at Dona. Got to hand it to him, his quick wit is something to admire as he unleashes ’em one after another. Some may say that these puns on the Swedish labeling of items are painful and that he should stop, but then there people like me who enjoys the play on words and loved every minute of the video!

Puns are amazing, they have been around since the dawn of comedy. Sure puns are easy to make, but my God, that one good pun can knock you on your little punny! No, I don’t think that works but you get what I mean. There is just an art form to the comedy of a painfully bad, but yet good, pun.

Here, have CollegeHumor explain it to you!

Well anyways, I can understand this mans pain(s). I’ve been shopping with girls before and it kinda sucks; there’s too much time looking at stuff and thinking about maybe buying the stuff. So him making a day out of it seems like the right way to spend his time walking around IKEA. At first Dona doesn’t seem to enjoy it, but she eventually comes around.

If you want a play-by-play of how it all went down, check out The Australian coverage of it. Actually from reading their piece, we learn that Gilmore is a part-time comedy writer. Well, who would have thought.

Check out the video and have a few laughs, I know I did.

Till next time, Sype.

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Bernie Sanders Tour: Just In Time For Festival Season!!!

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By Airec Sype.

It’s that time of year again where everyone’s posting Facebook or Twitter political updates, telling everyone that they care for more than just funny memes or cat pictures. I’m not here to push some kind of political agenda upon y’all, I’m just here to post funny videos and links.

Funny Or Die just released a video projecting Bernie Sanders campaign as a music concert tour titled “Bernie Sanders Summer Tour.” It’s pretty funny. The two comedians asks the people in attendance for their “favorite hits,” referring to Sanders stance and political platform (like free education and higher taxes on the wealthy). Some of the attendees are in on the jokes and some look lost with the festival fever trope.

Remember that I’m not here to push some kind of political candidate on you, just to make you laugh. If I did however had some kind of stance on Sanders, then I would probably post a video like that below for you to see. That’s how you would know if I had a stance on this whole Democrat primary election.

Till next time and vote intelligently, Sype.

 

 

Old People Things: Part 2

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sleeping airec

By: Koko and Airec

Welp, here we are again to tell the world that we’re getting older! During one of our frequent conversations about our aging bodies and our concerns of today’s youth, we realize again that time is still not on our side. So as we grow older (and hopefully wiser) we start to notice all the things we do differently, and the changes in the ways we view and navigate the world. This lead us to some realizations (again) that makes us a little more our age and young adult-ish.

So here is our continuation of Old People Things. We present to you, the long-awaited, part 2!

1. If 2 or more things must be remembered- you have to start a list

2. Personal property insurance

3. Planning what your children’s names will be

4. Having several bank accounts, all for different purposes

5. Your body has its own bedtime

6. A cup of coffee is a morning ritual

7. A ‘crazy Friday night’ means a bottle of wine and The Bachelorette (Airec is animes and sitcoms)

8. It takes 2 days to recover from 1 night of drinking

9. You wish you could still dial POPCORN to find out the accurate time so you can properly adjust your wrist watch

10. You wear a wrist watch

11. You’re old enough to know what POPCORN was

12. You always have Pedialyte in your fridge- ready and waiting

13. Thinking of how inappropriate a girl’s  clubbing/festival attire is

14. Standing around awkwardly at an 18+ Club

15. Having Icy-Hot within arm distant

16. Thinking of names for your future pet and what kind

17. Tipping correctly

18. TUMS. So many TUMS.

19. Choosing to get a hotdog before heading home to cook over partying with a bunch of 21 year olds on a Thursday night

There it is, 19 ways we are older now. We both have felt the cruel wrath of time as our own bodies continues to break down. It doesn’t feel like it now, but you will get old someday; it’s just a sad fact of life.  We’re sure that soon we’re gonna have another list of how we are entering adulthood. So watch out for that. There’s no denying that our party side is now slowing down and our ideas of fun are shifting. We just accept the fact that we’re old people now, but hey(!), we’re still cool!

Till next time, Koko and Airec.

Finger Blasting: It’s Such An American Term 

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By Airec Sype.

(NSFW Content Ahead)

Finger Blasting (verb) – The act of inserting one’s finger(s) repeatedly, with vigorous force, into another person or their vagina or anus.

“Bob is a little pissed that I finger blasted his ex-girlfriend last night at the movies.”

Now that we got the technical terms out-of-the-way, let’s talk about finger blasting. For those who are not used to vulgar and crude humor (or were not in the Greek system in college), the term ‘finger blasting’ may be a foreign or familiar concept. This is not the case for me; every time I say it, I cannot help but giggle at the sheer silliness of the 14 letters that compose such an act.

My friend Heaven (yes that’s her real name and not her stage name) did not believe me that this word -this word that made her cringed at a bar during Taco Tuesday- was valid. She believed my fraternity and I made it up, until I showed her proof. I don’t know if the idea or culture of ‘finger blasting’ came from the ancient Greeks themselves or from the early frat houses of young America, but it’s currently sweeping the Nation with giggles and disgust! Here is the ever so reliable Urban Dictionary providing the evidence of finger blasting!

Now the reason why I’m so juiced up on this rediscovered word is because I realized how American the term ‘finger blasting’ is. This realization came when I was trading hook-up terminology with my Irish friends who are here on their J1 visas. They shared with me the term ‘shifting.’ Which means to ‘make out with,’ or ‘French kissing.’ So then I traded them the marvelous F.B.!!!

I’m sure this wasn’t the first time these pale kids with cute accents have heard of ‘finger blasting,’ but I’m sure this is the first real time that they had to really think about it. As their cognitive brains slowly processed the term and stored it in their memory banks, their faces showed their reaction: the girls cringed to its imagery of their own flowers getting blasted, while the guys giggled as they pictured a rapid penetration of someone they yearn for by their own hand-gun.

The reason why I believe ‘finger blasting’ is such an American word is because of the aggressiveness of the implied action. When you look at the terms ‘shifting’ or ‘French kissing,’ they just seems so elegant, peaceful, and so European. Now when you say ‘finger blasting,’ it’s so American to take charge and impose one’s will. You’re not simply fingering but you’re also blasting! An act of passion that holds a key to open the door to sex has now become a barrage of angry SWAT members knocking down lush (and hopefully shaven) pink doors, guns a-blazing!

If you need another reason to giggle at the marvelous term ‘finger blasting,’ check out Amy Schumer’s skit that is posted above. I’m sure it’s going to shock you (;P) I don’t even want to ruin the video for you by describing it. So. Funny!!! Now, if you even need more proof how Americans have owned up to the term ‘finger blasting,’ Thought Catalog has compiled “Top 5 On-Screen Fingerblangs” by Kat George in popular American media. You’ll probably see some familiar faces there!

Also, if all this talk about finger blasting gets you in the mood to call over a Tinder date, then make sure you do it right. Kat George, here she is again, has an another F.B. article on Vice about common finger blasting mistakes. It holds tips such as- clip your finger nails and make sure you don’t blast your way past the clit. A good read for you rookie blasters out there who just got your gun licenses.

Welp, I hope you all get the idea of finger blasting. This post isn’t to promote people to blast away at in a dark night club, or in a dim movie theater; this post is to poke fun at the word and giggle inappropriately. I’m not a ‘finger blasting’ advocate trying to make the term into Websters. (Those fraternity days are behind me!) I just think F.B. is a funny word. If you do decide to partake, make sure you finger blast intelligently; you don’t know when you’re going to accidentally hurt someone or get kicked out of a Carnage pool party in Vegas for ‘finger blasting’ some random chick in the pool during EDC week. Those guns are meant to be used responsibly and behind closed doors!

Dance downstairs safely, Master Blasters.
Sype.

What If Mexicans Were As Excited About USA Like Americans

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By Airec Sype.

One of my favorite holidays is around the corner- the 4th of July! Not only do we celebrate this great nation’s independence, but that means I’m going to get more tips at my restaurant and I get to show my Irish co-workers on J1s their first AMERICA DAY!!!

FLAMA is here to remind us ‘Muricans about how ridiculous we can be when we celebrate other countries’ ethnic “heritage day” with their video “If Mexicans Celebrated the 4th Like Americans Celebrate Cinco De Mayo.” I put heritage day in quotations because we all know Americans will use almost anything as an excuse to rage and take shots.

I know that there is more to the 4th of July than bbq and Budweiser, but every now and then it’s nice to laugh at ourselves.

I hope y’all have a good and safe 4th, Sype.

8 Things We’re Going to Miss by NOT Going to EDC

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By Koko and Sype.

The Electric Daisy Carnival will always and forever hold a special place in our hearts. We both have been to 7 EDCs, and hopefully more. So we say with deep regret that we will not be attending this year’s extravaganza. KokoKai won’t be able to attend because, of course, she’s in SOUTH AFRICA, and Sype will not be attending because he can’t stand the thought of an EDC without Koko there. (Airec here, Koko is a liar. I can live a future without her, I just choose not to.)

the picture of our credentials of past EDC, Koko and I are in all 4 of em, the only members of our group to do so
Credentialing of EDCs passed, Koko & I are in all 4 of ’em, the only members of our group to do so

We will be back again in the future, but for now here are some things that we’re going to MISS about EDC this year.

1. Preparing for the trip/the road trip there.

I (Koko) recently had a dream about the Zipper Squad renting a giant yellow school bus for the road trip to Vegas and to EDC.

But for real, the journey into the desert is full of aspirations, hopes and dreams of a young adventurer into Wonderland. If you’re driving or flying into Vegas, you get the pre-festival jitters just visualizing the magic that awaits you at the Motor Speedway. Whether it be seeing random cars with EDC on the back of their windows, hanging with your close mates or passing a beer to a random fellow EDC attendee from a moving car, cherish this journey and make the best of it. With so much energy and enthusiasm, the trip into Vegas is like a mental pre-game for EDC.

Jose and Daniel posing during a gas stop
Jose and Daniel posing during a gas stop

2. Vegas and its nightlife!

Anyone in Vegas around the time of EDC knows that the entire city goes absolutely apesh*t. Even if you don’t actually go to EDC, just being in Vegas for EDC week is an event in itself. EDM celebs decorate the pool parties as festival-goers and regular people alike dance the day away while splashing around and spilling overpriced drinks into the pool water. Oops. This might be your only night to really do the ‘Vegas thing’ and go nuts. Spend that hard-earned cash that you’ve been saving up, buy that random hot girl a drink and eat at all the buffets. Once EDC starts, the chance of you doing all this stuff is slim. We won’t tell (;P)

Blurry but it's us at a pool party
Blurry but it’s us at a pool party
The girls
The girls – EDC week funtivities

 

3. Seeing all of our favorite DJ’s in one space.

Dat 2015 line up doe. :O  I. Cant. Even. With. It. Like, it was really hard not to cry when I (Koko) saw the lineup for the first time. Most raves and festivals will have a few DJs you really want to see, but EDC is like the mecca of all festivals. Anyone who’s anyone will be playing at EDC. Not only do we have the pleasure of seeing our faves, but there’s always the discovery stage as well – a chance for up & coming artists to showcase what they’ve got to offer the EDM world. We get to see the famous people before they become famous.

4. The costumes.

The Zips thoroughly enjoy planning and creating custom, unique costumes for each day of EDC every year. Airec not so much because it intrudes on his masculinity. (Which is why he always has an awkward combined costume of bro and kandi kid.) Coordinating themes and characters then transforming them into outfits is something to look forward to, and is a platform for our creativity to come out to play. Not only will be miss our own dress-up time, but seeing everyone else’s costumes is something we will definitely miss. (Not just the hot rave booty.) People be wearin’ some crazy shiz, and no matter how outlandish, we appreciate EDC for providing a safe space to express diversity and creativity.

5. InstaGram ruins my life.

-For the days leading up to EDC, the 3 days of EDC, and at least 2 weeks after EDC, we’re just not going to look at InstaGram. Everyone and their moms are gonna be posting elegantly filtered photos and strategically edited videos all over social media about EDC. Not gonna lie, it’s gonna make us upset and a little jealous and angry that we’re not part of this year’s magic. If you’re going to EDC 2015, don’t expect us to like any of your IG posts. F*ck you.

6. The dancing.

Talk about an undercover cardio fest! EDC is like the triathlon; each of the 3 days is an athletic event. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. Well, you could try sprinting, but then you’re gonna be under a table an hour before EDC like Airec was in 2012. A Lady Zip decided to put on the step counter of her iPhone on for a day of EDC (for funsies) and it calculated over 20 miles of dancing and grooving :O Holy sweet Jesus, that’s a lot of steps for an “experience”. But  sports talk aside, EDC creates a space where everyone can dance their little hearts out underneath the electric sky; you can move, shake, wiggle, fist pump and undulate in whatever ways your mood desires, no judgements here on your creative dance moves. (especially Airec’s awkward Asian dance moves in which looks like he’s spazzing out.) And the icing on the cake is that you’ll accidentally lose like 10 pounds in the process. Dance monkey dance!!!

trying to us we are
Trying to dance, we are

7. The Magic in the Air

There is something to be said about EDCs atmosphere. Your head may be pounding and your body sore from the night before, but once someone yells out ‘EDC’ or just gives you the look of hope and passion for the night to come, your body will become possessed with this euphoric energy that will send chills down your spine and goosebumps on your skin. Mixed that with some fireworks and oh, the feels. These pyrotechnicians know exactly when and how to light off these glorious firework shows in such a way that they can cause 300,000 people to all stop what they’re doing and just stare up at the sky in complete awe of the beauty. The hangover that once was in your head will now be cured by the excitement Under the Electric Sky. It’s EDC, you can’t wuss out and let anything stop you from the adventure you’re about to embark on.

FIREWORKS!!!
FIREWORKS!!!

8. The friends and the memories!

The people whom you surround yourself with can make or break your experience. So make sure you surround yourself with the right people. For us it was the ZipperSquad that accompanied us through our magical ride. That doesn’t mean that we didn’t make the effort to meet other people, but it was the special group of people who helped us feel the warmth of EDC, transforming it from an EDM festival to a spiritual journey. Sure we raged, but we also frolicked around in what can be compared to Pan’s Neverland. Friendships will form and memories will be forged. Even now we still think of our time at EDC 2013, the best EDC so far (in our opinion). Cherish the time you have with one another because you never know when someone from your crew will randomly text you ‘Are we still meeting at the Zipper at midnight?’ to send tears down your cheeks.

The final group picture of EDC 2013 as the sun was rising.

Well there you have it. Make sure you be safe out there. It’s easy to forget about safety when you’re having fun . . . not trying to sound like the older sibling though. EDC is a magical experience, so enjoy it. Check out our other tips and write ups about EDC and festivals.

We dressed classy to get trashy for this trance event, POP NYE 2012/2013
We fancy, huh

EPIC HALO vs CALL OF DUTY!!!

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By Airec Sype.

RackaRacka released an epic video of Call of Duty players battling Master Chief on YouTube earlier this week. This video contains it all: pestering grandmas, nerdy man-child(s), Elite energy swords and yes, even the non-stop barrage of C.O.D. zombies. Well instead of Nazi zombies, we have a bunch of old people . . . so kinda like zombies.

I came across this video while at work and I instantly knew that I had to sneak away in the bathroom to watch it. One of my managers walked in half-ways through and I didn’t care because I had a smile that stretched across my face, as wide as my eyes because this video is that got dang awesome.

This short has it all, all the weapons and mods and care packages that every F.P.S. (First Person Shooters for you non-virgins-before-19 out there) nerd can want in a live-action video. Although the ending of the video doesn’t really answer the age-long question about “Which FPS shooter is better, Halo or Call of Duty?” You can still leave satisfied as you watch these fans duke it out in attempt to please the inner-nerd in all of us.

THEY EVEN GOT THE HALO T-BAG!!!

For anyone who no longer has the time for video games, RackaRacka will remind you of that childhood that was not too long ago. I can’t help but think of microwavable foods, stale cherry pies that cost a dollar from Food4Less, the stench of man-boys who haven’t showered in days because of the relentless video game playing. (Well, this went on until high school because I eventually started playing sports and had to hide my nerdy Asian side from all the cute white girls . . . go ahead and ask me about Dance Dance Revolution.) Oh yeah, this definitely touched that little Asian boy inside of me . . . in a non-sexual way.

Be sure to check out other RackaRacka videos on their YouTube page. They got some good ones on there for your other nerdy pleasures.

Till next time and keep playing video games, growing up is a trap!!!