After surviving to the age of 23, with the help of alcohol, I started noticing that everyone was entering serious-long-term relationships. Then after the age of 24, everyone and their mammas were getting married. Since then, I’ve been to a few weddings and engagement parties. One of the reoccurring tasks that I noticed couples doing at these occasions is the retelling of how they first met. I’m sure it’s a story that they have all rehearsed and painfully enjoy telling. Those love birds. It’s their day after all.
One newlyweds, Justin & Jill, created a lifehack to tell their origin story to all of their families and friends at their reception in one fell swoop. Like many that have come to pass before, they created a video. However, it’s not just any ordinary video, it’s a parody of Comedy Central’s Drunk History. If you have no clue what Drunk History is, then let me explain: it’s basically a bunch of comedians getting drunk and retelling history. Pretty simple and awesomely funny. You should check it out.
I first caught news of this awesome video on BuzzFeed. I was hesitant at first, but I’m so glad I clicked on it. At first, I thought that it was going to be one of those sappy post about how two people met and fell in-love, like those on EliteDaily. Well it is . . . but this is soooooo much better and a million times more awesome.
A few words from the drunk lovebirds about the video:
Yesterday we got married. We didn’t want to waste time at the wedding reception having to answer the question “how did you two meet?”, so with the help of a few friends and a lot of booze we made this video to show at the rehearsal dinner. Enjoy! (WARNING: a few f-bombs from my drunken bride, delicate ears beware.)
What were their guest thoughts about the video after viewing? I don’t know. But I can assume that some definitely had a lot of side clinching laughs . . . along with some cringing disapproved faces. I would pony up an open bar at my wedding if my how-they-met-video can be as cool as this.
Simon Gilmore released this about video of him shopping, or rather his girlfriend shopping and he annoying, her at an IKEA. In the two-minute video, the Australian relentlessly throws puns after puns at Dona. Got to hand it to him, his quick wit is something to admire as he unleashes ’em one after another. Some may say that these puns on the Swedish labeling of items are painful and that he should stop, but then there people like me who enjoys the play on words and loved every minute of the video!
Puns are amazing, they have been around since the dawn of comedy. Sure puns are easy to make, but my God, that one good pun can knock you on your little punny! No, I don’t think that works but you get what I mean. There is just an art form to the comedy of a painfully bad, but yet good, pun.
Here, have CollegeHumor explain it to you!
Well anyways, I can understand this mans pain(s). I’ve been shopping with girls before and it kinda sucks; there’s too much time looking at stuff and thinking about maybe buying the stuff. So him making a day out of it seems like the right way to spend his time walking around IKEA. At first Dona doesn’t seem to enjoy it, but she eventually comes around.
If you want a play-by-play of how it all went down, check out The Australian coverage of it. Actually from reading their piece, we learn that Gilmore is a part-time comedy writer. Well, who would have thought.
Check out the video and have a few laughs, I know I did.
It’s that time of year again where everyone’s posting Facebook or Twitter political updates, telling everyone that they care for more than just funny memes or cat pictures. I’m not here to push some kind of political agenda upon y’all, I’m just here to post funny videos and links.
Funny Or Die just released a video projecting Bernie Sanders campaign as a music concert tour titled “Bernie Sanders Summer Tour.” It’s pretty funny. The two comedians asks the people in attendance for their “favorite hits,” referring to Sanders stance and political platform (like free education and higher taxes on the wealthy). Some of the attendees are in on the jokes and some look lost with the festival fever trope.
Remember that I’m not here to push some kind of political candidate on you, just to make you laugh. If I did however had some kind of stance on Sanders, then I would probably post a video like that below for you to see. That’s how you would know if I had a stance on this whole Democrat primary election.
NYLON Magazine released a video of Harry Potter star, Daniel Radcliffe, as their receptionist earlier this week. The British actor (for lack of a better word) acted as their receptionist for an hour because he sure as hell wasn’t good at the job. Radcliffe even pointed out his shortcomings when he stated: “Yes, I am very new and very shit.”
When Radcliffe first took his temp-position behind the desk, not many people recognized the man of Gryffindor. But it didn’t take long for someone to notice the magic IRL. Then just as someone would expect, the office girls (and some boys) went nuts after they realized that their new Brit is the legendary wizard himself.
TheEllimst had the best comment on the YouTube page: “You’re a receptionist Harry.” Well, I guess he kind of was one. Due to his poor performance, I’m sure he would have gotten fired within minutes of his first day. This kinda makes you think of all the jobs out there that seems easy to us but in reality are a little difficult to do. Like the host position at my restaurant. Sometimes those poor kids, mainly Irish kids, are just thrown into the chaos! It’s kinda-sorta funny to watch them fail. Seating people seems easy, but holy hell do they have to do some sh*t. You could see towards the end of the video Radcliffe shouting for Lauren’s help. I bet this is one of those situations where he wished that he had his magic wand for help.
Here’s to hoping that Anna Kendrick will pop up at my restaurant to play a host, Sype.
Finger Blasting (verb) – The act of inserting one’s finger(s) repeatedly, with vigorous force, into another person or their vagina or anus.
“Bob is a little pissed that I finger blasted his ex-girlfriend last night at the movies.”
Now that we got the technical terms out-of-the-way, let’s talk about finger blasting. For those who are not used to vulgar and crude humor (or were not in the Greek system in college), the term ‘finger blasting’ may be a foreign or familiar concept. This is not the case for me; every time I say it, I cannot help but giggle at the sheer silliness of the 14 letters that compose such an act.
My friend Heaven (yes that’s her real name and not her stage name) did not believe me that this word -this word that made her cringed at a bar during Taco Tuesday- was valid. She believed my fraternity and I made it up, until I showed her proof. I don’t know if the idea or culture of ‘finger blasting’ came from the ancient Greeks themselves or from the early frat houses of young America, but it’s currently sweeping the Nation with giggles and disgust! Here is the ever so reliable Urban Dictionary providing the evidence of finger blasting!
Now the reason why I’m so juiced up on this rediscovered word is because I realized how American the term ‘finger blasting’ is. This realization came when I was trading hook-up terminology with my Irish friends who are here on their J1 visas. They shared with me the term ‘shifting.’ Which means to ‘make out with,’ or ‘French kissing.’ So then I traded them the marvelous F.B.!!!
I’m sure this wasn’t the first time these pale kids with cute accents have heard of ‘finger blasting,’ but I’m sure this is the first real time that they had to really think about it. As their cognitive brains slowly processed the term and stored it in their memory banks, their faces showed their reaction: the girls cringed to its imagery of their own flowers getting blasted, while the guys giggled as they pictured a rapid penetration of someone they yearn for by their own hand-gun.
The reason why I believe ‘finger blasting’ is such an American word is because of the aggressiveness of the implied action. When you look at the terms ‘shifting’ or ‘French kissing,’ they just seems so elegant, peaceful, and so European. Now when you say ‘finger blasting,’ it’s so American to take charge and impose one’s will. You’re not simply fingering but you’re also blasting! An act of passion that holds a key to open the door to sex has now become a barrage of angry SWAT members knocking down lush (and hopefully shaven) pink doors, guns a-blazing!
If you need another reason to giggle at the marvelous term ‘finger blasting,’ check out Amy Schumer’s skit that is posted above. I’m sure it’s going to shock you (;P) I don’t even want to ruin the video for you by describing it. So. Funny!!! Now, if you even need more proof how Americans have owned up to the term ‘finger blasting,’ Thought Catalog has compiled “Top 5 On-Screen Fingerblangs” by Kat George in popular American media. You’ll probably see some familiar faces there!
Also, if all this talk about finger blasting gets you in the mood to call over a Tinder date, then make sure you do it right. Kat George, here she is again, has an another F.B. article on Vice about common finger blasting mistakes. It holds tips such as- clip your finger nails and make sure you don’t blast your way past the clit. A good read for you rookie blasters out there who just got your gun licenses.
Welp, I hope you all get the idea of finger blasting. This post isn’t to promote people to blast away at in a dark night club, or in a dim movie theater; this post is to poke fun at the word and giggle inappropriately. I’m not a ‘finger blasting’ advocate trying to make the term into Websters. (Those fraternity days are behind me!) I just think F.B. is a funny word. If you do decide to partake, make sure you finger blast intelligently; you don’t know when you’re going to accidentally hurt someone or get kicked out of a Carnage pool party in Vegas for ‘finger blasting’ some random chick in the pool during EDC week. Those guns are meant to be used responsibly and behind closed doors!
One of my favorite holidays is around the corner- the 4th of July! Not only do we celebrate this great nation’s independence, but that means I’m going to get more tips at my restaurant and I get to show my Irish co-workers on J1s their first AMERICA DAY!!!
FLAMA is here to remind us ‘Muricans about how ridiculous we can be when we celebrate other countries’ ethnic “heritage day” with their video “If Mexicans Celebrated the 4th Like Americans Celebrate Cinco De Mayo.” I put heritage day in quotations because we all know Americans will use almost anything as an excuse to rage and take shots.
I know that there is more to the 4th of July than bbq and Budweiser, but every now and then it’s nice to laugh at ourselves.
MegaBot, Inc. challenged Suidobashi Heavy Industries yesterday to a battle of robots! HOLY CRAP!!! If you watch the video provided by MegaBot’s YouTube page, then you will know that these mechs can do some damage.
You don’t understand how much this tickles my nerdy side. The little Asian boy inside my big boy body is just giggling with excitement. Do you know how many hours of anime I have watched?!?! Something like this becoming tangible is just mind-blowing.
This is great timing too since 4th of July is around the coroner. What’s more American than challenging another country to WAR??!!!
!!!USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!
Of course you gotta love the YouTube comments under the video. In one funny but unnessary exchange:
SmarterEveryDay: “Why can’t I stop giggling? I am way more excited about this than I should be.”
theblazer: “Cause you’re a f*cking q*eer who’s never got laid.”
Geeze, way to step on our fun bro. If you’re watching this video then you must also be excited to watch two giant mechs, that took a team of scientists to build, battle it out with crazy weapons! How is that not excited?!?! And how does that make us nerds gay? Someone’s a lil in the closet.
Another exchange that included at little bit of history:
NinjaCharlieT: “Challenging Japan to a robot battle is not a smart thing to do.. but then again, it’s ‘murica!”
Futurefighter49: “We’ve taken japan before! How hard could it be to do it again?”
It could be too soon for that joke, but hot damn it was cringingly funny.
Well, I hope this really does happen. I will join the mass of oversized man-childs waiting for that epic moment in Gundam history . . . I mean robot battles. Getting a little toooooo ahead of myself here.
As many knows by now, Trevor Noah will be replacing Jon Stewart on The Daily Show later this year on September 28th. Noah will be the 3rd person to succeed a host for the show and the fans were not too happy when they heard the announcement. You can read this Huffington Postarticle on what Stewart ha to say about Noah and why the fans were outraged, but I’m here to talk about the video of his standup that I shared.
Pride week is upon us in San Francisco, and this weekend is about to be crazy. I work in a “tourist” restaurant so I’ve been preparing for the chaos that is about to unfold: there will be drunk people in short shorts (mainly dudes rocking out with their c*cks out), out of towners coming into SF f*cking the city up, leaving a rainbow puke trail that’s composed from many and countless dance parties with music ranging from hip-hop to funky house.
Just to be clear, I don’t hate what Pride stands for, I just hate how the city is trashed with people who don’t respect the cause. For example, someone got shot two years ago at the parade party at Civic Center. That doesn’t seem too prideful to me . . . well thats a different kinda pride.
So to mentally prepare myself for this upcoming weekend, I like to have a few laughs. I saw this video today and had to share it to the world (of blogging). Noah recounts his journey in Zambia and tells us how it’s a crime to be gay. He paints a funny picture; especially the idea of a gay crime force taking down undercover gays (or G-Foroce or G-Unit for short).
Please don’t take any offense from it. He doesn’t mean no harm and neither do I. I played football so I’ve done a little towel whip or ass slap or c*ck sucking pantomimes. No homo. I kid, but I do have respect for those who have embraced themselves and chosen to come out of the closet; I’m straight and I don’t hate gay or lesbian people. Well I love lesbians . . . but that’s besides the point.
I wanna make a shout-out to two of my homosexual #Bros4Life, Bryan Chu and Lance Blair. Chu is an amazing gymnast and borderline ninja (also an amazing writer, but shhh don’t tell him that.) Blair, well, I hate that guy, his dark skin, pretty face, ripped abs. I hate/love (no homo ;p) him, but he is one awesome dude. Two of the coolest gay bros I know.
*That white guy isn’t one of the two.
If y’all do decide to take part of San Francisco Pride, please be safe and don’t trash the city. I know I’ll be out there in support of all my G-Bros out there. No hate y’all, equality for all!!! Yeah, I know that was lame. If you don’t know what to do for Pride and need some pointers, check out BuzzFeed list of 16 tips for a successful weekend.
Also, a bonus video since we’re talking about gay bros, here is a classic LifeAccordingToJimmy video called “Pinky Promise.” Gotta love that classic middle school question, “Does your dad know you’re gay?” Super funny. Bro.
YouTube bro-king, Jimmy Tatro, produced a “How To” video about having sex on a plane with Brittney Furlan on his LifeAccordingToJimmy page. Although I doubt that this would work in real life, especially now that this guide for all you bros and hoes out there is out for all GDIs to see. It does provide some useful tips just-in-case you wanna try having sex on a plane.
So if you feel ballsy enough, try it out. I know I wouldn’t try it. Not because I wouldn’t mind joining the “Mile High Club” but mainly because I’m a giant p*ssy. This isn’t attributed to my Asianness, it’s just because I’m scared of getting caught. Also the idea of having sex next to the shitter probably would make me wanna shit myself. Iono, I just have a bowel problem and I enjoy my time on the throne. Or at work I call it “my office.”
I’ll admit that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed a Jimmy T video as much as this one. I will agree with other people, via Internet, that the old Jimmy is back.
Also, I don’t know who this Brittney Furlan is but it seems like the YouTubers in the comment section hates her. She’s hot enough to get my attention. Unless she’s like a racist or doesn’t date Asians then I don’t really have any reasons to trash her name.
The Electric Daisy Carnival will always and forever hold a special place in our hearts. We both have been to 7 EDCs, and hopefully more. So we say with deep regret that we will not be attending this year’s extravaganza. KokoKai won’t be able to attend because, of course, she’s in SOUTH AFRICA, and Sype will not be attending because he can’t stand the thought of an EDC without Koko there. (Airec here, Koko is a liar. I can live a future without her, I just choose not to.)
We will be back again in the future, but for now here are some things that we’re going to MISS about EDC this year.
1. Preparing for the trip/the road trip there.
I (Koko) recently had a dream about the Zipper Squad renting a giant yellow school bus for the road trip to Vegas and to EDC.
But for real, the journey into the desert is full of aspirations, hopes and dreams of a young adventurer into Wonderland. If you’re driving or flying into Vegas, you get the pre-festival jitters just visualizing the magic that awaits you at the Motor Speedway. Whether it be seeing random cars with EDC on the back of their windows, hanging with your close mates or passing a beer to a random fellow EDC attendee from a moving car, cherish this journey and make the best of it. With so much energy and enthusiasm, the trip into Vegas is like a mental pre-game for EDC.
2. Vegas and its nightlife!
Anyone in Vegas around the time of EDC knows that the entire city goes absolutely apesh*t. Even if you don’t actually go to EDC, just being in Vegas for EDC week is an event in itself. EDM celebs decorate the pool parties as festival-goers and regular people alike dance the day away while splashing around and spilling overpriced drinks into the pool water. Oops. This might be your only night to really do the ‘Vegas thing’ and go nuts. Spend that hard-earned cash that you’ve been saving up, buy that random hot girl a drink and eat at all the buffets. Once EDC starts, the chance of you doing all this stuff is slim. We won’t tell (;P)
3. Seeing all of our favorite DJ’s in one space.
Dat 2015 line up doe. :O I. Cant. Even. With. It. Like, it was really hard not to cry when I (Koko) saw the lineup for the first time. Most raves and festivals will have a few DJs you really want to see, but EDC is like the mecca of all festivals. Anyone who’s anyone will be playing at EDC. Not only do we have the pleasure of seeing our faves, but there’s always the discovery stage as well – a chance for up & coming artists to showcase what they’ve got to offer the EDM world. We get to see the famous people before they become famous.
4. The costumes.
The Zips thoroughly enjoy planning and creating custom, unique costumes for each day of EDC every year. Airec not so much because it intrudes on his masculinity. (Which is why he always has an awkward combined costume of bro and kandi kid.) Coordinating themes and characters then transforming them into outfits is something to look forward to, and is a platform for our creativity to come out to play. Not only will be miss our own dress-up time, but seeing everyone else’s costumes is something we will definitely miss. (Not just the hot rave booty.) People be wearin’ some crazy shiz, and no matter how outlandish, we appreciate EDC for providing a safe space to express diversity and creativity.
5. InstaGram ruins my life.
-For the days leading up to EDC, the 3 days of EDC, and at least 2 weeks after EDC, we’re just not going to look at InstaGram. Everyone and their moms are gonna be posting elegantly filtered photos and strategically edited videos all over social media about EDC. Not gonna lie, it’s gonna make us upset and a little jealous and angry that we’re not part of this year’s magic. If you’re going to EDC 2015, don’t expect us to like any of your IG posts. F*ck you.
6. The dancing.
Talk about an undercover cardio fest! EDC is like the triathlon; each of the 3 days is an athletic event. It’s a marathon and not a sprint. Well, you could try sprinting, but then you’re gonna be under a table an hour before EDC like Airec was in 2012. A Lady Zip decided to put on the step counter of her iPhone on for a day of EDC (for funsies) and it calculated over 20 miles of dancing and grooving :O Holy sweet Jesus, that’s a lot of steps for an “experience”. But sports talk aside, EDC creates a space where everyone can dance their little hearts out underneath the electric sky; you can move, shake, wiggle, fist pump and undulate in whatever ways your mood desires, no judgements here on your creative dance moves. (especially Airec’s awkward Asian dance moves in which looks like he’s spazzing out.) And the icing on the cake is that you’ll accidentally lose like 10 pounds in the process. Dance monkey dance!!!
7. The Magic in the Air
There is something to be said about EDCs atmosphere. Your head may be pounding and your body sore from the night before, but once someone yells out ‘EDC’ or just gives you the look of hope and passion for the night to come, your body will become possessed with this euphoric energy that will send chills down your spine and goosebumps on your skin. Mixed that with some fireworks and oh, the feels. These pyrotechnicians know exactly when and how to light off these glorious firework shows in such a way that they can cause 300,000 people to all stop what they’re doing and just stare up at the sky in complete awe of the beauty. The hangover that once was in your head will now be cured by the excitement Under the Electric Sky. It’s EDC, you can’t wuss out and let anything stop you from the adventure you’re about to embark on.
8. The friends and the memories!
The people whom you surround yourself with can make or break your experience. So make sure you surround yourself with the right people. For us it was the ZipperSquad that accompanied us through our magical ride. That doesn’t mean that we didn’t make the effort to meet other people, but it was the special group of people who helped us feel the warmth of EDC, transforming it from an EDM festival to a spiritual journey. Sure we raged, but we also frolicked around in what can be compared to Pan’s Neverland. Friendships will form and memories will be forged. Even now we still think of our time at EDC 2013, the best EDC so far (in our opinion). Cherish the time you have with one another because you never know when someone from your crew will randomly text you ‘Are we still meeting at the Zipper at midnight?’ to send tears down your cheeks.
Well there you have it. Make sure you be safe out there. It’s easy to forget about safety when you’re having fun . . . not trying to sound like the older sibling though. EDC is a magical experience, so enjoy it. Check out our other tips and write ups about EDC and festivals.