From Football and the Broncos to Snapchat and Balls
***Note: This is not a sports blog, but I like sports, and I like shit-talking***
I don’t think it’s a secret that I am a Denver Broncos fan. If you’re my friend on Facebook you probably know that. That being said, I am NOT a bandwagon jumper-macgumper. I’ve been a fan of the Broncos since Tim Tebow took a snap for the franchise (despite his lack of ability to throw the ball) and since my buddy Yanze wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Champ Bailey in high school of 0’7.
So of course my friends like to give me a lot of shit (!!!) for this. One of my best friends, Juno, is a Patriots fan. He’s from New Hampshire so of course he’s gonna root for Brady and company. What makes this situation worst is that his girlfriend, Xtina, is a San Diego Chargers fan . . . this power couple are fans of two teams that are in the AFC . . . meaning that whenever the Broncos play one of these two teams, there is going to be a lot of shit-talking.
This isn’t one of those behind closed doors kinda shit talking, this is I’ll-fucking-text-you-when-your-team-fuck-up-and-I’ll-post-some-kinda-rediculous-shit-on-your-Facebook-wall-and-tag-you kinda shit talking. When the Patriots were victorious with a come from behind victory against the Broncos this season, I received a text from Juno and (real) his brother to suck a phallic. In fact, I still have a bet that needs to be fulfilled with Juno that dealt with the disappointing outcome the last time Tebow took a snap behind center while facing Brady. (Shh, it’s a secret but it involves alcohol and Vegas. And no I’m not going to suck any phallic.)
Here is the comment that started it all, the Facebook-shit-talking-seen-around-the-world (of my News Feed) from Mizz. Sweet Xtina herself.
***Note: SDF is an inside joke that I drunkenly created and now has been a catch phrase amongst my friends and I. It stands for Suck Dick ******
I’m not one to start shit (maybe, kinda, sometimes, just maybe sometimes), but like a kid in kindergarten defending himself and his retaliation from a timeout, she started it first!
Yes, yes, yes, I know that during this season, the Broncos lost to the Chargers and the Patriots . . . but look whose still in playoffs, nay, looks who’s playing for the FUCKING SUPERBOWL!!!
As I learned from a very wise man this past weekend: never talk shit because you never know when it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass. (Yet I still have not fully grasped this lesson. But hey, I’m still maturing!)
So after a taunting like that from Mizz. Xtina, I had to say something. At least a little boast of victory.
Yes, I’ve made my case and demanded my righteous victory Facebook post. But this is where things get a little derailed from football and into something completely different, something gross and outrageous and hairy, something so, I don’t know how to say it . . . ahh, something so Airec Syprasert: a comment too far.
This conversation has now turned it focus from Manning and his flawless team and onto my crouch. And yes, for some of y’all who don’t know, it’s hairy. Unlike those sleek and hairless Asians you see on TV or kung-fu movies, I’m one hairy bastard. God has cursed me with the tedious task of shaving my pubic regions every so often. I know that this is probably gross information because those of you who are reading might know me in person, or you might not even know me at all, but this is the truth of the matter: I am one hairy Asian-American male. Fucking sue me for not meeting the zeitgeist of how Asians should look like.
But anyways, like I’ve said numerous times beofre, Snapchat (an app for smart phones where you take a picture and send it to someone and it deletes itself after 5 seconds, great for sending nudies. Also, girls, you’re stupid if you send a nude Snapchat thinking he’s not gonna save it or that he’s the only eyes that are gonna see. I mean, seriously.) is stupid. I fucking, let me reiterate this, I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN I SEE PEOPLE TAKING STUPID SNAPCHAT PICTURES. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE A FOOL WHEN YOU MAKE THOSE FACES AROUND CAMPUS OR ON THE MUNI OR IN A CROWDED ROOM AT A PARTY OR ANY-FUCKING-WHERE-IN-GENERAL. Yes, I know I’m hating, but I just hate it so much.
So me being me, I decided to send my friends a Snapchat of my balls from my friend Tim’s iPhone the night before when I was witnessing this stupid act occur. Let me just say, they can wash their eyes, but their brains will never be clean again as my balls are imprinted into their memory. And no, I don’t feel sorry for their eyes. Maybe Lance’s eyes, his Snapchat back showed a very scared black man. I never thought tiny little Asian me would scare a big African-American him. #firstvictory
Is there a point to this post besides my infatuation with sending people pictures of my balls? Yes, don’t talk shit on Facebook because you never know when what you posted (its online so it’s always gonna be alive somewhere) is gonna come back and bite you in the ass. If you’re gonna talk shit, do it in person. This way, you can tell your friend to suck dick, or kiss your ass, or go hop on a wooden stake and die, or whatever you want to say while doing some obscure gestures. I know that’s what I do. Like how Stifler does in the American Pie series (my fictional hero).
Also another lesson, nay a warning, if you get into a conversation with me, the end comment or topic is probably not going to be what you started with; I mean, how do you go from football to hairy Asians . . . just one of pro’s (depending on how you look at it and depending if I’ve shaven or trimmed yet or not) of an Airec Syprasert comment.
Till next time, Sype.
PS. Go Broncos and FWAK the Seahawks!!!
PSS. Here is a funny Buzzfeed article about why the Broncos should be the least hated team in the NFL
Random Texts, KokoandAirec Style
It has been awhile since one of us has posted anything, which we’re sorry for. So I (airec) took the time to write down some of the random text messages we corresponded over the weekend, which involves ice-skating, a tween rock show, fitness motivation, and aimless humor that probably doesn’t make much sense to anyone but us.
Me: Who knew that ice skating without fireball in you is a lot easier; you don’t trip over little kids
Koko: Buuut ice skating with Koko and fireball is way funner!
Me: Iono, going ice skating with this girl, her boyfriend, and the finger blaster does have its benefits
Koko: haha, I love that his name is finger blaster >.<
Me: haha, and you wanted to name him Tecate!!!!
Koko: Hahaha I thought Tecate would be a more appropriate rave name. But Finger Blaster is a funny nick name
Me: I guess that’s more of his bro-rave name #B4L
Koko: What’s my #B4L nickname?
Me: Iono, I like KokoKai. What’s my #B4L nickname?
Koko: Hmmm it’s hard to pick one! What do the bros call you most? Cuz I just call you Asian >.<
Me: Well, we live in a society where you have the power of choice, so pick a nickname for me!
Koko: Asian. Haha (:P)
Me: Im rly sore 4m an intense cross training session but I want to do interval training. What do I do!?
Koko: Pop some L-glutamine. Take some pre-workout. And STOP BEING A BITCH
Me: I think you and my mom are the only women that I take orders from and that im scared of.
Koko: No need to be scared . . . you know this unicorn is a big softie
Me: (Tears up) I’m glad u respect and embrace my weakness. Please stop.
Koko: I’ll stop when you learn to get dinner on the table on time!!!
Me: Why are you so mean?
Koko: It’s because men have been oppressing us since the beginning of time! It’s time to fight back!
Me: I’m scared.
Koko: Oppression doesn’t feel goo does it?
***(Later on that night)***
Me: I’m at a punk-pop show and they’re so many tweens
Koko: Hands off! No roofies!!!
Me: WTF, how dare you accuse me of such behavior?!?
Koko: Haha well I’ve seen your EDM-harmony dating profile….
Me: Shut up, those are lies.
Me: Whatever, you’re leaving off to South Africa anyways
Koko: That just means we gotta make the most of my time left in America!
Me: Stop trying to get me to go to Hawaii
Koko: You know you want to
Me: Stop it, stop Jedi-ing me
Koko: Yup, I am a unicorn with Jedi mind powers
A Comment Too Far, The Mind of Airec Syprasert: Put a book in front of it
Will Scott Your womanhood is showing.
Koleana Kai McGuire Thanks? Haha
Airec Syprasert nope, that’s her erection
Koleana Kai McGuire You boys are so silly
Airec Syprasert well, just put a book or a backpack in front of that womanhood next time so it doesnt show. thats what i did in 6th grade #lessonlearned
Koleana Kai McGuire I’ll just hide in the closet. That solves everything.
Airec Syprasert oh no, you get out of that closet, you might accidentally fall into Narnia and then everyone there will see your womanhood; might take someones eye out
Koleana Kai McGuire MAYBE I WANNA GO INTO NARNIA! Aslan is my homie…he understands me
Airec Syprasert fine, you and aslan can flant your guys womanhood together. just make sure you shave asland, because no one likes a hairy . . . lion
Will Scott ……
Uhhh…. All I mention I’d that you look more lady like
Airec Syprasert Yea I kinda ran with that. Haha
This is another one of those incidences where I take a innocent compliment to the next level; a level too far. But I guess that’s how my random mind works (;P)
But other than that, it’s a very nice photo of Koleana during her weekend trip in Vegas. Growing into a fine young woman . . . they grow up so fast :’)
I Always End Up Being the Asian Housewife(Husband)
I haven’t posted in awhile, so I thought I would take this opportunity to post up another conversation that Koleana and I had, in which we somehow came to the conclusion that I end up getting emotionally/physically abused in our fake marriage.
I don’t know how it turned out like this. Of course we never intentionally meant to make fun of abusive relationships; it just started off as emasculating jokes against me and now I’m her Asian housewife who makes her imaginary Facebook dinners.
I’m pretty sure in the future I will write a post on how this all started, but for now enjoy this great post that turned into useless banter- accompanied with memes that I created!!!
Here’s one of the memes that started it all:
Now here’s the conversation!!!
Airec Syprasert to Koleana Kai McGuire
- today i met a sophomore who is studying human bio at ucsd and she expressed interest about becoming a physical therapist, but she spoke of the difficulties, so i told her about the legend of Koleana the doctor McGuire and I think she was inspired.
Top of Form
Koleana Kai McGuire Hahaha glad i could be an inspiration! I hope you didn’t give away too many of my secrets
Airec Syprasert haha what should i tell her when i see her next? ride unicorns to the top?
Koleana Kai McGuire Tell her the solution to everything is glitter and unicorns!
Airec Syprasert umm . . . on second thought, maybe i wont say anything more, you know, i wanna end the tale on a high note bahaha
Koleana Kai McGuire Hahaha you dick. Real talk though, tell her the solution is having a strong stomach, she’s gonna spend a lot of time in cadaver labs…especially being a human bio major
Airec Syprasert she said shes cool with everything . . . but needles. and no your a dick: a dick covered in glitter that shoots out rainbows
Koleana Kai McGuire So she gets squemish around needles, but not dead bodies? Haha ok.
Airec Syprasert i thought all white girls were squemish around needles lol
Koleana Kai McGuire Well you thought wrong!
Airec Syprasert you snow flakes surprises me everyday
Koleana Kai McGuire How dare you make generalizations based on race/skin color! Now go make me some dinner!
Airec Syprasert no please lower your voice or else people on facebook will hear; i didnt mean to make you mad. ill be a good asian wife and get started on dinner now. :*(
Airec Syprasert i hope fried rice is ok
Koleana Kai McGuire I suppose. JUST MAKE SURE ITS VEGAN!!!!
Airec Syprasert *sob *sob ok, just please dont hit me again. i told you that that pork fried rice i made you was accidental *sob *sob *hellokitty *sob
Koleana Kai McGuire No excuses! *slap*
Airec Syprasert *cries my mother warned me about white girls. why must you beat an immigrant child even more with the right hand of america
Koleana Kai McGuire Hahahahahahaaha ok this is getting outa pocket & the unicorn needs her glitter sleep for tomorrow
Airec Syprasert yeah, i think the rest of this conversation should be done on text messaging or fb message. but next time i see her ill tell her the secret to success is by beating an Asian house husband and blowing a load of glitter in his face. lol night
Daniel Uchiyama Fucking hilarious
Airec Syprasert thats the comedy style of #kokoandairec
Koleana Kai McGuire Yes, crude and almost offensive.
Airec Syprasert thats right! Good job partner *high fives laptizzle screen*
Now here is a rebuttal to my original meme (which I still forgot to post pictures from Hawaii).
-Hope y’all have a good one, Sype
Bros4Life: Roommate Farts
Me: Oh man, I got so stuff at dinner while watching the game
Eric: Yeah, those beers are killing my stomach though
Me: Yeah, me too (pause) by the way, I just farted
Eric: Nice, me too
Nothing like living with one of your best friends who’s on the same level as you. Three years strong.
Random Domestic Humor: Two in One Day
Here is a random conversation that lead into one of our normal husband-abuse-tangents. I don’t know why but most of the battles end with me (Airec) making a sandwich.
Koleana Kai McGuire: Just opened another savings account…I feel like such a grown up (^_^)
Airec Syprasert I have two checking a and two savings with two diff banks. Get in my level girl
Airec Syprasert Got on
Koleana Kai McGuire 2 checkings & 2 savings between 3 places. In yo face!
Airec Syprasert 2jobs and I pick up the kids n make dinner boo-yaaa
Koleana Kai McGuire I bring home the bread, I expect dinner on the table every night!
Airec Syprasert You told me you didn’t care bout that and wouldn’t bring it up anymore!!!! we are equals you said!
Koleana Kai McGuire Well I lied. Now get back in the kitchen & make me a sandwich
Airec Syprasert Ok, you know what, I lied too; it wasn’t good, I faked it (O.O)
Airec Syprasert shared a link.
i found unicorn helmets and armor . . . play (HALO 4) with me
Koleana Kai McGuire Can we dress up in these and make a harlem shake video pweeaasseeeeee
Airec Syprasert i thought u dont like thsoe kinda videos and thought they were overkill?
Koleana Kai McGuire The beyonce shit was overkill
Airec Syprasert so what ur telling me is that you’re willing to dress up in a halo unicorn helemt as long as we do the harlem shake>?
Airec Syprasert and i emphasize in the word HALO
Koleana Kai McGuire If only there were a way to wear a spirithood OVER the unicorn helmet. Hmmmm
Airec Syprasert why, why would you wanna desecrate the sanctity of halo with a spirithood?!?!
Airec Syprasert maybe u wear the helmet and ill wear the spririthoody? with a ski mask?
Koleana Kai McGuire No I wear both!
Airec Syprasert no, you always do this! like when you didn’t let me choose the color for the drapes, you never let me get what i want
Koleana Kai McGuire You’re so damn high maintenance!
Airec Syprasert (but real talk, you can wear both unicorns cuz ill probably end up slaying the unicorn anyways. im down to make the music video if i can wear the ski mask)
Airec Syprasert and you are a control FREAK!!! always being a man and never letting me have an opinion :*(
Koleana Kai McGuire You’re opinions are irrelevant. I bring home the bread = I make all the decisions.
Koleana Kai McGuire (real talk though: this is going on the Hawaii To-Do List)
Airec Syprasert you’re never appreciative
From Cupcakes and Candy to Big Booty Hoes
Here is a random conversation that happened on Facebook tonight. It went from Koleana and I talking about our addiction to sweets to whose workout (resistance bands or strip aerobics) can give them a bigger and better butt. Other people chimed in on this conversation. In fact, Koleana’s older sister, Melissa, taught me something new today: Kiki means vagina in Tagolog. Welp, I guess we all learn something new everyday.
about an hour ago near Honolulu, HI ·
- I have a confession to make…I’m a cupcakeholic.
Top of Form
- Angela Michael and 10 others like this.
Daniel Mateus Deadly addiction
Airec Syprasert its ok, we can get through this together
Koleana Kai McGuire It’s a serious problem
Airec Syprasert i have a confession to make, im addicted to candy and soda. lets get diabetes together
Jeff- Nalu Barbieto This is old news koleaner lol
Koleana Kai McGuire Jeff – You never see it as an issue, cuz you’re always eating them! Haha
Koleana Kai McGuire I’m a diabetes pusher. I push pastries on people. Hahaha
Airec Syprasert i think someone needs cupcake mail
Airec Syprasert i think the worst is when i eat sour candy and drink 7up at tge sane tune cuz it mixes well together
Koleana Kai McGuire True Life: I’m Addicted To Sweets.
Airec Syprasert what if we had a sweets off. gather all of our fav sweets and tried to eat them in a days sitting
Koleana Kai McGuire Damn, you’re really tryna kill me huh?
Koleana Kai McGuire Is it cuz my blog posts get more views than yours?
Airec Syprasert koleana, u know i care for you, but you gotta remember, you’re still a unicorn. in the end, I’m going to have to slay you one way or another.
Airec Syprasert and ouch! you and ur blog post can get out of here. u know what, why do u do your resistant bands and ill do my stripper aerobics and we will see who gets in better shape
Melissa McGuire Kiki what’s your blog? I would love to read it as long as I’m not in it again -___-
Melissa McGuire I meant kook lol
Melissa McGuire Wow auto correct lol koko!!! Omg lol
Airec Syprasert haha kiki
Melissa McGuire Kiki means vagina in the Philippines lol
Airec Syprasert haha wtf. how do you know this blasphemous language?
Airec Syprasert and dont call her that, she will beat you
Koleana Kai McGuire Bahahaha you guys are hella funny
Koleana Kai McGuire Guaranteed I’ll get my ass cheeks more well defined from my resistance band workouts than you from your stripper aerobics.
Melissa McGuire Sadly she weighs as much as my leg but she could kick my ass! I wouldn’t even be able to our run her I would have to curl up in a ball and protect my face.
Koleana Kai McGuire https://kokoandairec.wordpress.com
Inside the Dark Minds of Koko and Airec
we danced, we blogged, we conquered
Melissa McGuire *out run
Airec Syprasert so you, a lil irish girl, is going to challenge me, a southneast asian boy who some people think is mexican so you know i got the latino booty, to a ass off? face off ass off? is this happening?
Airec Syprasert haha yeah i know melissa, i usually curl up into a ball too when i know koko is coming home and i dont have dinner ready
Koleana Kai McGuire Blasphemous is a big word airec. 11 letters?! I’m proud of you.
Airec Syprasert hey hey hey, i can use big words and big sentences. i only limit myself to 5 words so you can understand
Airec Syprasert im a big boy remember
Koleana Kai McGuire http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbJt8UmPebg
CAndy By the PAck- really cool song-itz freaky though
Airec Syprasert haha wtf? when did u start video spamming? am i rubbing off on u?
Airec Syprasert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnMge9j5SYA
2 Live Crew – Hoochie Mama (HQ + Lyrics)
14th track off of the Friday Soundtrack I do NOT own this track, or the picture…See More
Airec Syprasert ^^^ i found the perfect song for you and ur resistance band booty
Is Stripping Aerobics for me?
Girl: Anyone know where they offer stripper pole aerobics classes in the area?
Me: My house ;P
Today via Facebook, one of my friends back from home posted a status that announced her interest in a new form of exercising, Stripper Aerobics.
The girl is a good friend from high school, so I decided to take the opportunity to make a witty remark. I mean my friend is a pretty attractive girl, no lie about that, so she probably (or actually, if you look at her FB wall) gets a lot of guys randomly hitting on her. It’s the small town of Visalia, so you have those kinda guys creeping on her FB all the time. I guess it’s the small price you pay for being pretty.
Also, trolling on FB is something I’m really good at.
But stripper pole aerobics? YES!!!!!!!!!!!
Stripping is not degrading; therefore, there is no shame in wanting to do stripper aerobics.
Here is an article by Jean Lawrence on MedicineNet.com explaining how stripping aerobics can shed off those unwanted-latenight-icecream-binge.-
To give professional strippers credit, stripping is hard. And yes this is a real profession known as EROTIC DANCING. In fact, anytime you have to pay taxes (I’ve learned), it’s considered a real job in the eyes of the United State Government.
But you know what, I applaud you stripping aerobics. Stripping is hard, I’ve tried it. And trust me, my so-called-strip-show for a bunch of sorority girls one random drunk night was not as good as the ones I’ve seen on Broadway Street on a late night in San Francisco.
Think about all the movements you have to make, all the muscles you have to use to climb up that slippery (and gross I know) silver, sometimes gold, pole, and all the dance moves you’re going to have to choreograph or reinvent to entertain your tent-pitching-guest.
Look at Carmen Electra. With her series of videos Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease, she is one of the first pioneer of stripping aerobics. You know what, say what you want. But at age 40, she looks good.”
So girls, if you want to pick up stripping aerobics, I encourage you to. I mean when you walk into a really professional strip club, you should look at how good of shape those girls are. And I use the words “really professional” pretty loosely.
Of course however, stripper aerobics can’t fix a stripper’s face; but that’s your luck of the draw when you decide to stumble into a strip club after you and your buddies decide to leave the bars.
Who knows, maybe one day what you learn in stripping aerobics can come in handy. Maybe one day, you’re going to be trap in a fire and the only way out was to shimmy up a greased up pole that smells like cheap perfume. Or maybe perhaps (this would probably be the more practical use) one day, you and your future partner are brain storming ways to spice up your marriage and voilà! You’re able to pull out what you’ve learn in your erotic dancing [;)] classes. Then after you give your marriage a lil-spicy-salsa, you’re going to think ‘Thank you Airec, for convincing me to take stripping aerobics.’
Wishing you girls all the best and please don’t hurt yourself, Airec 😉
its like myspace all over again.
Airec: Holy shit today we had 36 ppl view our WP
Koko: Holy shit we’re popular!
Airec: It feels like high school again. Haha. Alot of ppl told me we’re funny
Koko: Its like getting views on myspace. Haha
Airec: Haha. Ur old making that reference
Koko: -_- dick
“Realizing that you can’t party till the sun comes up anymore since your back aches and knees throb after the first 4 hours and you’re younger friends want to continue for 6 more hours, senior citizen.”