america
Bernie Sanders Tour: Just In Time For Festival Season!!!
By Airec Sype.
It’s that time of year again where everyone’s posting Facebook or Twitter political updates, telling everyone that they care for more than just funny memes or cat pictures. I’m not here to push some kind of political agenda upon y’all, I’m just here to post funny videos and links.
Funny Or Die just released a video projecting Bernie Sanders campaign as a music concert tour titled “Bernie Sanders Summer Tour.” It’s pretty funny. The two comedians asks the people in attendance for their “favorite hits,” referring to Sanders stance and political platform (like free education and higher taxes on the wealthy). Some of the attendees are in on the jokes and some look lost with the festival fever trope.
Remember that I’m not here to push some kind of political candidate on you, just to make you laugh. If I did however had some kind of stance on Sanders, then I would probably post a video like that below for you to see. That’s how you would know if I had a stance on this whole Democrat primary election.
Till next time and vote intelligently, Sype.
Finger Blasting: It’s Such An American Term
By Airec Sype.
(NSFW Content Ahead)
Finger Blasting (verb) – The act of inserting one’s finger(s) repeatedly, with vigorous force, into another person or their vagina or anus.
“Bob is a little pissed that I finger blasted his ex-girlfriend last night at the movies.”
Now that we got the technical terms out-of-the-way, let’s talk about finger blasting. For those who are not used to vulgar and crude humor (or were not in the Greek system in college), the term ‘finger blasting’ may be a foreign or familiar concept. This is not the case for me; every time I say it, I cannot help but giggle at the sheer silliness of the 14 letters that compose such an act.
My friend Heaven (yes that’s her real name and not her stage name) did not believe me that this word -this word that made her cringed at a bar during Taco Tuesday- was valid. She believed my fraternity and I made it up, until I showed her proof. I don’t know if the idea or culture of ‘finger blasting’ came from the ancient Greeks themselves or from the early frat houses of young America, but it’s currently sweeping the Nation with giggles and disgust! Here is the ever so reliable Urban Dictionary providing the evidence of finger blasting!
Now the reason why I’m so juiced up on this rediscovered word is because I realized how American the term ‘finger blasting’ is. This realization came when I was trading hook-up terminology with my Irish friends who are here on their J1 visas. They shared with me the term ‘shifting.’ Which means to ‘make out with,’ or ‘French kissing.’ So then I traded them the marvelous F.B.!!!
I’m sure this wasn’t the first time these pale kids with cute accents have heard of ‘finger blasting,’ but I’m sure this is the first real time that they had to really think about it. As their cognitive brains slowly processed the term and stored it in their memory banks, their faces showed their reaction: the girls cringed to its imagery of their own flowers getting blasted, while the guys giggled as they pictured a rapid penetration of someone they yearn for by their own hand-gun.
The reason why I believe ‘finger blasting’ is such an American word is because of the aggressiveness of the implied action. When you look at the terms ‘shifting’ or ‘French kissing,’ they just seems so elegant, peaceful, and so European. Now when you say ‘finger blasting,’ it’s so American to take charge and impose one’s will. You’re not simply fingering but you’re also blasting! An act of passion that holds a key to open the door to sex has now become a barrage of angry SWAT members knocking down lush (and hopefully shaven) pink doors, guns a-blazing!
If you need another reason to giggle at the marvelous term ‘finger blasting,’ check out Amy Schumer’s skit that is posted above. I’m sure it’s going to shock you (;P) I don’t even want to ruin the video for you by describing it. So. Funny!!! Now, if you even need more proof how Americans have owned up to the term ‘finger blasting,’ Thought Catalog has compiled “Top 5 On-Screen Fingerblangs” by Kat George in popular American media. You’ll probably see some familiar faces there!
Also, if all this talk about finger blasting gets you in the mood to call over a Tinder date, then make sure you do it right. Kat George, here she is again, has an another F.B. article on Vice about common finger blasting mistakes. It holds tips such as- clip your finger nails and make sure you don’t blast your way past the clit. A good read for you rookie blasters out there who just got your gun licenses.
Welp, I hope you all get the idea of finger blasting. This post isn’t to promote people to blast away at in a dark night club, or in a dim movie theater; this post is to poke fun at the word and giggle inappropriately. I’m not a ‘finger blasting’ advocate trying to make the term into Websters. (Those fraternity days are behind me!) I just think F.B. is a funny word. If you do decide to partake, make sure you finger blast intelligently; you don’t know when you’re going to accidentally hurt someone or get kicked out of a Carnage pool party in Vegas for ‘finger blasting’ some random chick in the pool during EDC week. Those guns are meant to be used responsibly and behind closed doors!
Dance downstairs safely, Master Blasters.
Sype.
What If Mexicans Were As Excited About USA Like Americans
By Airec Sype.
One of my favorite holidays is around the corner- the 4th of July! Not only do we celebrate this great nation’s independence, but that means I’m going to get more tips at my restaurant and I get to show my Irish co-workers on J1s their first AMERICA DAY!!!
FLAMA is here to remind us ‘Muricans about how ridiculous we can be when we celebrate other countries’ ethnic “heritage day” with their video “If Mexicans Celebrated the 4th Like Americans Celebrate Cinco De Mayo.” I put heritage day in quotations because we all know Americans will use almost anything as an excuse to rage and take shots.
I know that there is more to the 4th of July than bbq and Budweiser, but every now and then it’s nice to laugh at ourselves.
I hope y’all have a good and safe 4th, Sype.
USA Challenges Japan in a Robot Fight
By Airec Sype.
MegaBot, Inc. challenged Suidobashi Heavy Industries yesterday to a battle of robots! HOLY CRAP!!! If you watch the video provided by MegaBot’s YouTube page, then you will know that these mechs can do some damage.
You don’t understand how much this tickles my nerdy side. The little Asian boy inside my big boy body is just giggling with excitement. Do you know how many hours of anime I have watched?!?! Something like this becoming tangible is just mind-blowing.
This is great timing too since 4th of July is around the coroner. What’s more American than challenging another country to WAR??!!!
!!!USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!
Of course you gotta love the YouTube comments under the video. In one funny but unnessary exchange:
SmarterEveryDay: “Why can’t I stop giggling? I am way more excited about this than I should be.”
theblazer: “Cause you’re a f*cking q*eer who’s never got laid.”
Geeze, way to step on our fun bro. If you’re watching this video then you must also be excited to watch two giant mechs, that took a team of scientists to build, battle it out with crazy weapons! How is that not excited?!?! And how does that make us nerds gay? Someone’s a lil in the closet.
Another exchange that included at little bit of history:
NinjaCharlieT: “Challenging Japan to a robot battle is not a smart thing to do.. but then again, it’s ‘murica!”
Futurefighter49: “We’ve taken japan before! How hard could it be to do it again?”
It could be too soon for that joke, but hot damn it was cringingly funny.
Well, I hope this really does happen. I will join the mass of oversized man-childs waiting for that epic moment in Gundam history . . . I mean robot battles. Getting a little toooooo ahead of myself here.
SNL Offends EVERYONE on the Internet with Teacher Rape Skit
By Airec Sype
The internet was lit on FIRE when Saturday Night Live premiered their skit, “Teacher Trail,” last week which displayed a fictional trail of a teacher who is accused of having sex with a student.
I’m usually a MadTV fan, but once in awhile I’ll come across a SNL skit that I didn’t find too over-the-top-witty and just damn right funny. This was one of those moments.
After watching the skit and hearing the outrage of the moms of Twitter, I didn’t find it offensive at all. It was just a satire on these hot female teacher rape cases (AKA every prepubescent boy-who-has-ever-watched-porn dreams). I mean, I wish I had sex with the cheer-leading coach when I was in high school, but I guess that rite is reserved for the chosen ones.
Harry Shuldman of the NYPost called the skit “tasteless” in his article. He provides some example of the angry tweets about the comedic portrayal of a boy statutory rape. The examples claimed the skit to be “not funny” or just “wrong” because of the rape subject.
Uproxx has even more examples of offended people in their article concerning this controversial skit. But if you scroll down to the comment section of the piece, many commenters were not offended and shared a chuckle or two. Dan Del Aguaro simply said, “Oh get over it, it was hilarious.”
I’ve talked about this before, the thin line between comedy and offense in my SorryAsianParents blog. It’s true that there is a fine line between those two and that’s where the comedy lies: in between the cracks, exposing truth and humor. It simply comes down to intent of offense. Was SNL trying to offend people with their skit? No, probably not. Did they glorify rape for every teenaged boys fantasy? Hell yeah!
No wonder everyone claims that Americans like to be offended. It’s actually #101 on the Stuff White People Like blog.
Let’s get it right here, rape is bad. But is it wrong when a teen boy finally gets to bang that hot-teacher-that-every-boy-wants-to-bang-stamping-his-name-in-the-high-school-fraternity’s-history? Yeah, there’s no right way to do it actually. But let’s not pretend the boy whom hand is now broken from all the high fives isn’t also guilty. Unless the victim accused the teacher of unsolicited advances . . . well it’s actually still rape, but all those high fives doe.
Getting off point here. SNL is just a comedy group trying to comment on today’s society. “Teacher Trail” was not “tasteless” and it was done in a good manner. Cecily Strong portrayal of the teacher the right on the money as she portrayed her character like . . . well a school girl, in lust. Pete Davidson was right to be a gloating teenager because if Strong was my teacher, I . . . actually wouldn’t know what to do because I’m a scared lil Asian boy. The judge and father in the skit also represents how some phallic-centric-masculine-America feels when a teenage boy slashes a hot teachers gash.
Don’t get mad at SNL for how they portrayed their “truth” of this crisis in America. If you want to point the finger at someone then point it at the teachers who are betraying their code of conduct and the American judicial system for giving hot female teachers light sentences. Like in Denise Keesee case in Oregon, who received only 30 days for having sex with a 16-year-old.
Figure out who’s really at fault here when you form your lynching mobs. Leave comedians out of this fight, and if you can’t handle the(ier) truth then stop watching comedy.
Till next time, Sype
Here is a bonus of the names the kid was called in the skit, provided by GoldenTrawick of YouTube:
The man
Luckiest guy ever
My hero
Baller
Lil pimp
Lil baller
The one
Good year pimp
Fred Pimp-Stone
Ren and Pimpy
King of the Teachers
After school special
Teacher’s petter
The boy who lived
Gavin the Great
Magic the Gavining
Legend
Supercalifragilistic-this be such a dope kid
He who has sex with teachers
Exploring Microaggression: What the hell is Microaggression?
ever wanted to say something but didn’t because it might be a little offensive? well there is now a way to do that with the help of MICROAGGRESSION!!! Check out what that word means by reading my latest post on Sorry Asian Parents.
Laters.
By Airec Sype
The internet has always been a hub of good ideas: if you’re into stuff like DIY’s or trying to find a non-trendy-but-trendy-hipster place to brunch, or trying to gather up magical tips to help you lose your virginity for the first time. (Porn isn’t a reliable source for educational virgin tips for getting women or losing your virginity btw. Not everyone is lucky enough to just stumble into a threesome). But if you troll the internet a lot, like I do, you will notice that it is a Wild West of ideas with raw-uncensored thoughts. Which, of course, without filtration, the internet is saturated with a lot of racist (but sometimes hilarious) comments.
Instead of me calling it “internet racism,” lets ground this phenomenon in the scholarly world. First coined by Harvard professor Chester M. Pierce in 1970, psychiatrists have described these light “insults and dismissals” as
View original post 1,315 more words
#SorryAsianParents: A documentation of my failure and success as an “Asian-American”
Hi this is Airec here. So of y’all might know that I’m Asian, no shocker there. So I decided to have a new writing project call SorryAsianParents. It should be funny, wacky and super random so check it out.
I just found this hat and I really love In-N-Out
By Airec Sype
I am Asian-American.
What does that mean exactly? Shit, I don’t really know.
I guess if you break AA down to its two root words, my ethnicity is composed of Asian and American. (Also being American can mean a bunch of different things, in this sense I’m talking about mainstream “white-America,” I guess. But I’m not trying to be racist here, or at least not too racist).
So I’m Asian-American. Parents were born in Asia, I was born in America; I have spiky hair and sharp eyes, but I don’t have an Asian accent . . . most of the time, sometimes it just slips out, just the tip (;P). All of these things that compose me are borrowed cultural stereotypes and figures that mix the two worlds into my own.
Even though two different cultures are…
View original post 1,117 more words
#FirstWorldProblems: Africa Assumptions by an Asian in America
By KokoKai and Sype
Everyone has heard of #FirstWorldProblems, a hash tag that people in privileged nations use to complain about their . . . well, first world problems. But after watching a video (you can see down below) titled “First World Problems read by Third World People” by Water is Life, you start to feel like maybe using that hash tag is a little over the top.
So I, Sype, decided to ask my own ignorant American questions to my partner who is currently serving in the Peace Corps in South Africa. I tried to think of the most hyperbolic questions possible without seaming too racist (and stupid).
-And I, KokoKai, am happy to answer his questions because these are things that I even wondered about before moving my ass over to this side of the globe.
I cannot live without WiFi, WHERE IS THE WIFI!?!?!?
For being in the developing world, internet is surprisingly accessible here. Not a lot of people have home computers or laptops so a lot of young people will invest in smartphones so they can access basic internet services and social media.
People don’t have running water but they’ll have a BlackBerry with internet services? #priorities 😛
Sype: If I ever go visit I’ll prob bring my Driod so I can . . . surf the web . . . at night . . .
Does Africa have running water? All the African videos I watch has everyone living in huts.
In the rural villages, a lot people do live in huts or tin shacks and don’t have running water. Some also don’t have electricity. If you find yourself in a town or city, it’s like being in suburban America- big houses with pools, fancy cars, running water & electricity.
Sype: I wonder what they call Pizza Hut out there o.O
How do people hook-up without a Tinder?
See – “There Is No First Date When Being A Peace Corps Volunteer”.
Sype: They probably do a lot of web . . . surfing.
Are there lions and cheetahs and rhinos everywhere? Like the Lion King?
Yes, there are tons of these wild animals. No, they don’t go running through the villages. Most of these animals have been contained in areas that we call ‘game reserves’ which are huge areas of land that have been fenced off because animal poaching is such a big problem here, but the animals are still able to roam free in their natural habitats. Even though game reserves do add a level of deterrence from hunting, but poachers are sneaky and still find ways to break in and kill animals. See this recent article about the rhino population…
Spye: JUMANJI!!!!
How do you know what your friends are up to if not everyone has a Facebook?
Facebook has monopolized all communication forms in the present day, but it is not the only way to contact people. Whatsapp is actually the most common communication tools we use as Peace Corps volunteers to communicate with each other, and for communication back home here is, of course still email and the perennial snail mail system. FB may seem so extraneous, but having access to it makes me feel incredibly connected.
Sype: I see Africa also does late night regretful Facebook booty calls.
Do movies come out at the same time as it does in America?
For the most part, yes. Sometimes it may take a week or two for the new releases to show up on our big screens.
Sype: I wonder if the whole cast of Lion King was there when the movie came out . . .
Do you have to hunt for your food?
Considering I’m a vegetarian, the answer would be NO. I do garden however, so I guess you could say I grow & cut my own food. Which is almost like hunting. Expect the food isn’t running away from me, it’s stuck in the ground.
Sype: What about ‘playful’ hunting? Where you shoot guns filled with love?
Do you know any monkeys?
I actually made friends with some Samango monkeys recently! And by ‘made friends’ I mean, they liked to steal my food and I let them because I wanted their friendship. And I was slightly too scared of them to refuse.
Spye: Abu!!!
There is No ‘first date’ When Being a Peace Corps Volunteer.
By KokoKai
An assumption my family & friends are constantly buzzing around is that I’ll find the love of my life while serving in Peace Corps. Let me clear the air by stating that Peace Corps is not a dating service nor a marriage agency. With that being said, there may be some truth to the saying that when you surround yourself with people on the same mission as you- I suppose it can be relatively easy to fall for one of them.
Peace Corps Volunteers are grouped together in cohorts and sent to developing countries for our service. We don’t get to pick who is in our cohort, headquarters put us together based on the type of work we will be doing abroad. I met the other 34 members of my cohort in Philadelphia, then we all hopped on the plane together to South Africa.
We all fall in to 1 of 3 categories: 1. married and serving with your spouse, 2. in a relationship with someone back in America, or 3. (most are) single…wondering what their romantic life will be like these next two years. Speaking from personal experience, I came to this country without dating being on my priority list, I hadn’t given it much thought (ahem, already kinda wifed up at the time). I came to work, to immerse myself in my village and to try to make an impact in whatever way I can. Saving the world and such. After being in country for a bit, I quickly realized that Peace Corps can be like an extension of college life . . . if you replace the college keggers with humanitarian work.
“How often do you see other volunteers?”
Volunteers work full-time, most weekdays, but when weekends come around, we look for every opportunity to get together with other PCVs and rage face for 2 days before starting the cycle all over again. There are a lot of Dr. Phil venting sessions fueled by booze and tears, and yes, there is sex too, all mixed in with hikes, safaris & a general interest in exploring Africa’s terrain. Here is a funny read about sex and the Peace Corps from a fellow (sex ninja) RPCV.
I didn’t expect to be in such close proximity to other volunteers, to be able to see them basically every weekend. I didn’t expect booze to be so readily available, and so God-awfully cheap! It’s like summer camp for over-sized kids who want to save the world! And most of all, I didn’t expect romance to creep up into volunteer life as much as it has.
“Do people date in Peace Corps?”
The struggle is that there are no ‘first dates’ in Peace Corps. While people in first world countries can say things like “let’s get to have coffee” or “let’s get together for lunch one afternoon” if you want to spend a little time getting to know someone interesting, us PCVs are trying to navigate through a different structure of dating…“Wanna spend the weekend together?”
Yeah, you’re going to have to speed through a feeeeeeew steps.
We have to travel several hours on public transportation to visit each other, so visits are not simply for a few hours only. If you think you might have a connection with someone, you spend an entire weekend together to explore that spark. Nightlife and other forms of entertainment are so uncommon here, that you’ll spend a lot of face time just getting to know each other without the distractions of other people or noisiness of clubs.
So it’s like the opposite of Tinder . . .
Here is a video for someone else P.C. love story:
“Do PCVs only date other PCVs?”
I’m glad you asked. There are PCVs who date HCNs (host country nationals), but that’s a whole nother beast. We came to this country to fight HIV, and sadly some PCVs leave this country having contracted the virus themselves. So while mixing & mingling with South Africans may seem enticing and easy, a lot of PCVs steer clear of this temptation and turn to other PCVs to satisfy the natural need for carnal embrace.
“Is it true people will want to marry because they want to become US citizens?”
The answer is Yes, and it’s extremely annoying. Walking to and from work everyday, it is common to hear “I love you baby I want to marry you” being shouted in my direction from across the road. These guys are partially just being asses, but mostly serious. They will cat-call, stalk you, and shout marriage proposals over & over until they get your attention- all over the assumption that marrying an American girl will somehow grant them American citizenship, wealth and fame. It’s almost like being creeped on by Sype at a club.
The host country females are on this same hype too. “Do you have any brothers?” is a common question chicks like to ask me. I guess in the hopes that I’ll organize a betrothal for them to an American man. Why does everyone think America is so great? Hahaha. If they only knew the truth . . .
Romantic relationships blossom in a peculiar way when serving in the Peace Corps, and maneuvering the ebb & flow of volunteer life becomes more bearable when you have another PCV to hold your hand through it. They say roughly 80% of PCVs return to America in love. I don’t know how much I trust stats floating around the internet, but it gives you an idea of what Peace Corps dating is like.
Don’t feel sorry for us though! At least we are able to avoid the awkward self consciousness that comes with first dates, as described by Wedding Crashers’ Vince Vaughn:
❤ KokoKai
The Humor (and babes) of World Cup 2014 (so far)
NSFW WARNING for one of the last pictures down.
By Sype
The last two weeks the world has been submerge(d) in the all might FIFA World Cup 2014. The World Cup is a ginormous soccer (yes, I said soccer and not futbol because despite surprisingly being into the WC2014, I am still an American) tournament where 32 international teams comes together to play their hearts out for a trophy that was probably made in China. (This is a reference to one of the memes from The Chive, I don’t personally know where the hand-reaching-the-ball trophy is made so don’t come after me.)
I will admit that I am not a soccer fan, obviously, but there is something about this W.C. fever that has gotten a hold of me. Since I love football and it’s not in season, I need something to fill my competitive spirit and UFC is too expensive to watch all the time.
This blog however is not going to report on the sport of the World Cup, I don’t know anything about soccer, but of the humor that is following this historic event.
Also before I continue, I just wanna say . . . AMERICA WON THEIR FIRST GAME IN THIS SERIES!!!! #Americanoutlaws #MURICA
The Chive, a great website/blogsite full of . . . guy stuff, complied the first batch of “best of” memes.
Check it out here. There 25 memes and meme #6 is what i referenced in my intro. And I’m sure meme #10 is how most people who hasn’t felt the World Cup Fever feels like right now as they dread every Facebook post about this field game that we all played in 6th grade.
Now when everyone (mostly non-soccer fans who are a little bro-ish) thinks of international soccer, we Americans (again non-soccer-bro-fans) cannot help but think of INTERNATIONAL BABES!!! Soccer: love or hate it, everyone loves international futbol girls. (Probably mostly bros.)
My, my, my, seeing them on my T.V. as the camera man does his rightful job as he picks the perfect one out of the crowd, that really does make me believe in beauty again.
It’s a break from all the hipster and sorority girls that San Francisco is infested by. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.
And who can forget this gem that surfaced the internet today!!!
Man, Brazil really do love their soccer . . . and their girls.
I guess sometimes you dance so hard that your titties pop out. You can check out this sure-soon-to-be-infamous-via-blogs on imgur. Trust me, check it out.
This beautiful woman was so enticing that it stopped my roommates and I Halo game. You know we’re frat bros if something as simple has an accidental-bouncing-nipple could stop us from focusing on the amazing FPS that is Halo 4. Aside from the girl, check out the two guys next to her as they both realize the situation that is bouncing between them . . . and the other girls as they do a self-check up on the durability of their tops.
I would probably be that Asian guy in this picture . . . in all amazement
Now I’m not trying to objectify women in the World Cup, but sometimes you just gotta admire beauty when the internet gives them to you.
Well, that’s all for now I suppose. I’m sure as the rounds continue and emotions draws high, there will be more amazing-World-Cup-but-not-World-Cup hilarious moments. And of course more futbol babes.
Till next time and GO AMERICA!
Inside the Dark Minds of Koko and Airec 