After surviving to the age of 23, with the help of alcohol, I started noticing that everyone was entering serious-long-term relationships. Then after the age of 24, everyone and their mammas were getting married. Since then, I’ve been to a few weddings and engagement parties. One of the reoccurring tasks that I noticed couples doing at these occasions is the retelling of how they first met. I’m sure it’s a story that they have all rehearsed and painfully enjoy telling. Those love birds. It’s their day after all.
One newlyweds, Justin & Jill, created a lifehack to tell their origin story to all of their families and friends at their reception in one fell swoop. Like many that have come to pass before, they created a video. However, it’s not just any ordinary video, it’s a parody of Comedy Central’s Drunk History. If you have no clue what Drunk History is, then let me explain: it’s basically a bunch of comedians getting drunk and retelling history. Pretty simple and awesomely funny. You should check it out.
I first caught news of this awesome video on BuzzFeed. I was hesitant at first, but I’m so glad I clicked on it. At first, I thought that it was going to be one of those sappy post about how two people met and fell in-love, like those on EliteDaily. Well it is . . . but this is soooooo much better and a million times more awesome.
A few words from the drunk lovebirds about the video:
Yesterday we got married. We didn’t want to waste time at the wedding reception having to answer the question “how did you two meet?”, so with the help of a few friends and a lot of booze we made this video to show at the rehearsal dinner. Enjoy! (WARNING: a few f-bombs from my drunken bride, delicate ears beware.)
What were their guest thoughts about the video after viewing? I don’t know. But I can assume that some definitely had a lot of side clinching laughs . . . along with some cringing disapproved faces. I would pony up an open bar at my wedding if my how-they-met-video can be as cool as this.
“I want to wander into your Narnia of sexual terror and emerge like a freshly birthed calf.”
Ridiculous statements like this that express feelings with the vocabulary of a douche-bag is what drives viewers to love the fictional character Schmidt on Fox’s sitcom “New Girl.” Although it’s safe to say that every character on the show is uniquely loveable, Schmidt (played by Max Greenfield) always finds a way to climb into our hearts and ache our sides.
If you haven’t been following “New Girl” then the YouTube clip posted above will give you a sample of Schmidt’s outrageously hilarious nature. And if you haven’t been following “New Girl” (it’s in its fourth season btw), then all I have to ask is what’s wrong with you?!?!?!
In my personal opinion, this has been one of the best sitcoms since “How I Met Your Mother.” This is my personal opinion that isn’t based on some kind of TV facts or percentage or pie chart of TV shows out there; I don’t have those numbers and I’m not that kind of Asian to find it . . .
But to prove a bit of my opinion, you can find some of the awards and nominations that “New Girl” has received at this Wikipedia page. The list includes an award for Most Exciting New Series in 2011 and numerous of nominations for Best Comedy Series. I guess if I was that kind of Asian then I guess I would have done some real work and got facts off a more reliable page. (Wikipedia put me through college, so we have a history together #sorryasianparents)
“New Girl” is a single-camera situational comedy that follows a set of roommates (1 girl and 3 boys) and their wacky adventures living in LA. A lot of their misadventures involves the common obstacles that we face in life (romance, roommate living situations, friendship, that one douche bag friend who says stupid things all the time, and of course sleeping with your friends), making the show hitting-too-close-to-home relatable if you’re in your mid 20’s to 30’s.
Of course there isn’t as many penises and cock-teases (mind the pun) of dragons like in HBO’s “Games of Thrones,” or as many mystery’s as ABC’s “Lost,” but “New Girl” still pulls its punches with its great writing to make you laugh till your guts hurts and nearly shat your pants.
But back to Schmidt.
He’s that one guy that will say off the wall assertions that will make you always remember him. Like that one friend who says the most stupidest, most ridiculous, borderline offensive things that you were too afraid to say but it’s hilarious, kinda friend. He lingers in your mind like George Costanza.
As the Schmidt sage continues, one cannot forget a trope that original fans will always remember, the “Douche Bag Jar.” BuzzFeed has kindly compiled 27 relateable Schmidt quotes here. Despite those being hilarious, douche-baggy statements like these cannot go unpunished, or else this would inspire a wave of yuppie, boat-shoe wearing, fake tan having, douche bags shooting their mouths off . . . possibly.
“You’re a lesbian and a gynecologist, which makes you, well . . . a vaginous.”
Great fusion of words there, Schmidt. But still, that’s a dollar into the douche bag jar – a check and balance of Schmidt unflattering side.
But why are words like douchey and yuppie automatically used to describe Schmidt? Why are people easily turned off by his lifestyle and witty wordplay? I believe it’s because people cannot handle him, for Schmidt is a man who speaks the truth: for he is a visionary of the modern-day man; he is the combination of fashion and musk. He says the thoughts that we all think but are too afraid to say with use of colorful imagery.
The shows light may shine on Nick Miller, but it’s Schmidt who takes the stage and lets us know his presence. Nick lets life takes him away with its current, Wilson is too goofy for his own good, but Schmidt takes action; he knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to let his needs be known!
Along with his San Francisco-Marina-like side, Schmidt does have a heart. This fitness obsessed, career driven, Jewish man was not always this douchey. Originally a fat kid, Schmidt does have a soft side. With his constant pursuit after Cece and his selfless acts for his friends, one can accept his outlandish comments and unpleasantries. Here are some loveable moments at BuzzFeed’s 40 Things That Will Make You Love Schmidt Even More.
Would this show continue if Max Greenfield didn’t portray the animated and loveable man with a deviant smile that’s up to no good trickster named Schmidt? I think not. This witty Jewish man can turn any random coupling of words into a semi-offensive-witty-hilarious-break-you-from-concentration quote, which will probably turn into a meme with the help of the internet! Well, I’m sure the goofiness of the other characters will still drive the show, but none will be as memorably bold and loose-lipped as Schmidt.
PS, my buddy Juno often compares me to Schmidt since I grew up largely overweight and don’t have a filter for a mouth (so I tend to say stupid things). Probably why I wrote this tribute.
Everyone who’s friends with me on Facebook knows that I love to browse the internet for funny shit and that BuzzFeed is one of the blogs that I frequently “share” on Facebook. Earlier this week, I came across a BuzzFeed post about some vicious attacks on Lorde, 17 year old pop-singer from New Zealand, and her boyfriend, James Lowe.
According to BuzzFeed, the original “attack” came from rapper Tyler, the Creator. I put attack in quotation marks because I don’t know if it was intended as an attack (something which you can never really know because Tyler, the Creator, is fucking crazy).
Now, I’m not focusing on the non-feud between Lorde and Tyler, the main disgust I feel is from the Twitter attacks that followed.
Tyler, the Creator’s tweet sparked a clash of resistance against Lorde, primarily attacking her boyfriend of Asian descent.
The onslaught of Twitter attacks were brought on by One Direction and Justin Bieber fans. These tweens accused Lorde of calling their false demigods ugly.
In Lorde’s defense, she did not accuse One Direction or Justin Bieber of being ugly.
I’m not going to go into details about what these little girls and stupid boys were saying about Lorde and James, but some of their Tweets contain the words “Hoe” and “Chinese old fart.”
Who knew that these little tweens can be so blood thirsty behind a keyboard?
Now, I’m not saying that I think One Direction and Justin Bieber sucks, but I don’t particularly like their music; however, I respect other people’s opinions that like it. This are just one Asian boy’s opinion.
And if you like Justin Bieber and don’t like my opinion, you can either write a comment or, hell, get your own site and BLOG ABOUT IT!!!
Linda West, of Jezebel, stated to BuzzFeed, “Even the tweets that don’t specifically mention Lowe’s race, I suspect, are at least partially driven by our culture’s nasty stereotyping of Asian men as unsexy and sexless.”
Why is it that in America (and I say America because this is where I live and where I have experience dating shortcomings), Asian males are viewed as “unsexy” and emasculated when paired up against the standards of attractiveness?
Is our skin too yellow? Do our wide eyes scare you? Are we too smart and weird and nerdy and geeky to be attractive??
This type of “thought” makes it hard for Asian Americans to date outside of their race.
I know other races have their own “sexual identification:” black males being “big,” Hispanic males being exotic with a splash of Spanish spice, European males with their thick charming accents. But what is Asian American males’ identification? The ability to do your homework for you? The person to rely on to fix your broken iPhone screen?
Of course I know that not everyone is the same. I know that some girls don’t date Asian males not because they are racist; they are just simply not attracted to them. And I know some girls who do date -and in some cases only 🙂 – Asian males.
Here is a random funny video about Asians in a library:
This rant probably went off course about what I wanted to say, so let me just sum it up here: I hate how it’s so easy for people over the internet to attack an Asian male’s sexual identity when they’re in an interracial relationship!
I could probably go on further into this subject, I was once aspiring to become an Asian American Studies minor, but I will spare you an earful of preaching.
Another thing that was brought to my attention by my friend Lili is Lorde and her boyfriends’ age difference. Lorde is 17 and her boyfriend is 24 . . . (O.O)
Yes, I know that here in America their relationship is taboo. Better yet, illegal!!! But minute facts like that still didn’t stop me from trying to date a freshman when I was 18 in high school! Bro-five!
But the age of consent in New Zealand, where these two are from, is 16. And in their eyes (haha James Lowe’s eyes), and also by Mexican culture standards, 16 is the age of being a woman and thus being the legal age of consent.
But what’s the difference? Is it just because Miley’s ex looks good in a tight t-shirt while Lorde’s boyfriend looks like your tutor in math class?
If we look at this through the eyes of Americans, then yeah, 24 to 16 is kinda gross.
However, if this is an American ethical standpoint we’re tackling, then let’s look at one of the great American actors, Morgan Freeman.
Not only did he date someone younger, but the woman that he left his wife for was his adopted granddaughter. E’Dena Hines is granddaughter of his first wife, Jeanette Adair Bradshaw. Freeman and E’Dena are not related by blood; the only connection they have is through his first wife, whom is E’Denas’ grandmother Bradshaw . . . (o.O)
Just something to point out in that link, E’Dena is trying to dispute that she and Freeman are related, but she called him “my grandfather” . . . that’s just a little gross. Just a little bit . . .
And yet no one talks about this (O.o)
Now, I’m not trying to justify a couple’s relationship age difference, I’m just trying to highlight the crude racist comments against Asians on the internet. I know I’m not a saint myself when it comes to race . . . but these people are just being mean!!!
So here we have it. In Lorde’s case, 16 is legal in New Zealand (and her boyfriend does kind of look like a Hipster Asian), but in Morgan Freeman’s case . . . let’s just say family reunions will never be the same.
-Hope y’all have a good one, Sype.
-PS, here I’ll leave you some screenshots that were the roots of this blog post! You can also see what my friends had to say on this matter!!!