dehydration

How Chicks Get Ready for EDC

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~~~How chicks get ready for EDC~~~

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Step 1: Eat less.

That’s right. The #1 way girls ‘get in shape for EDC’ is by eating less.

Notice: I didn’t say ‘watching what you eat’ or ‘making smarter eating choices’.

Oh, no. That would require legitimate knowledge of nutrition and healthy diet planning.

This is the thought process girls go through…

“Instead of eating 4 cookies, I’ll eat 3. I need to lose weight for EDC.”

“Maybe I should only have soda every other day. Gotta get that EDC body ready!”

“If I eat a salad with my burger, the greens cancel the fat out- its a wash. So it’s like I didn’t eat.”

No need worry about healthy substitutions or purposeful meal planning to stock up on necessary vitamins and minerals for the upcoming marathon of drinking and substance abuse. Nope. Just eat less. That’ll do the trick.

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Step 2 for getting that bod ready for a week of partying is to work on ‘abs’.

Traditional situps and crunches are the way to go. The abdominals are only engaged during the first 45 degrees of the movement, while the second 45 degrees engage the iliacus and psoas major more than the abdominals. Which is exactly why we transition into crunches. So we can not target the abs, but we think that we are!

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Step 3:
Attempt a ‘lemon water cleanse’ in the final days leading up to the event.
Eat nothing. Drink only water with lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup.
Swallow down this terrible concoction 5 times a day, and don’t you dare eat any solid foods.
You must deprive yourself of all nutrients, resulting in low energy and dehydration so that you are fully prepared to rave in the desert in the middle of June.
Who cares if you dabble on the line of heat stroke? As long as you look sexy as you’re getting hauled away on a stretcher.
Rave on you sexy beasts!
     -KokoKai
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