humor

USA Challenges Japan in a Robot Fight

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By Airec Sype.

MegaBot, Inc. challenged Suidobashi Heavy Industries yesterday to a battle of robots! HOLY CRAP!!! If you watch the video provided by MegaBot’s YouTube page, then you will know that these mechs can do some damage.

You don’t understand how much this tickles my nerdy side. The little Asian boy inside my big boy body is just giggling with excitement. Do you know how many hours of anime I have watched?!?! Something like this becoming tangible is just mind-blowing.

This is great timing too since 4th of July is around the coroner. What’s more American than challenging another country to WAR??!!!

!!!USA USA USA USA USA USA!!!

Of course you gotta love the YouTube comments under the video. In one funny but unnessary exchange:

SmarterEveryDay: “Why can’t I stop giggling? I am way more excited about this than I should be.”

theblazer: “Cause you’re a f*cking q*eer who’s never got laid.”

Geeze, way to step on our fun bro. If you’re watching this video then you must also be excited to watch two giant mechs, that took a team of scientists to build, battle it out with crazy weapons! How is that not excited?!?! And how does that make us nerds gay? Someone’s a lil in the closet.

Another exchange that included at little bit of history:

NinjaCharlieT: “Challenging Japan to a robot battle is not a smart thing to do.. but then again, it’s ‘murica!”

Futurefighter49: “We’ve taken japan before! How hard could it be to do it again?”

It could be too soon for that joke, but hot damn it was cringingly funny.

Well, I hope this really does happen. I will join the mass of oversized man-childs waiting for that epic moment in Gundam history . . . I mean robot battles. Getting a little toooooo ahead of myself here.

 

A little Humor Before Gay Pride San Francisco

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By Airec Sype.

As many knows by now, Trevor Noah will be replacing Jon Stewart on The Daily Show later this year on September 28th. Noah will be the 3rd person to succeed a host for the show and the fans were not too happy when they heard the announcement. You can read this Huffington Post article on what Stewart ha to say about Noah and why the fans were outraged, but I’m here to talk about the video of his standup that I shared.

Pride week is upon us in San Francisco, and this weekend is about to be crazy. I work in a “tourist” restaurant so I’ve been preparing for the chaos that is about to unfold: there will be drunk people in short shorts (mainly dudes rocking out with their c*cks out), out of towners coming into SF f*cking the city up, leaving a rainbow puke trail that’s composed from many and countless dance parties with music ranging from hip-hop to funky house.

Just to be clear, I don’t hate what Pride stands for, I just hate how the city is trashed with people who don’t respect the cause. For example, someone got shot two years ago at the parade party at Civic Center. That doesn’t seem too prideful to me . . . well thats a different kinda pride.

So to mentally prepare myself for this upcoming weekend, I like to have a few laughs. I saw this video today and had to share it to the world (of blogging). Noah recounts his journey in Zambia and tells us how it’s a crime to be gay. He paints a funny picture; especially the idea of a gay crime force taking down undercover gays (or G-Foroce or G-Unit for short).

Please don’t take any offense from it. He doesn’t mean no harm and neither do I. I played football so I’ve done a little towel whip or ass slap or c*ck sucking pantomimes. No homo. I kid, but I do have respect for those who have embraced themselves and chosen to come out of the closet; I’m straight and I don’t hate gay or lesbian people. Well I love lesbians . . . but that’s besides the point.

I wanna make a shout-out to two of my homosexual #Bros4Life, Bryan Chu and Lance Blair. Chu is an amazing gymnast and borderline ninja (also an amazing writer, but shhh don’t tell him that.) Blair, well, I hate that guy, his dark skin, pretty face, ripped abs. I hate/love (no homo ;p) him, but he is one awesome dude. Two of the coolest gay bros I know.

image

*That white guy isn’t one of the two.

If y’all do decide to take part of San Francisco Pride, please be safe and don’t trash the city. I know I’ll be out there in support of all my G-Bros out there. No hate y’all, equality for all!!! Yeah, I know that was lame. If you don’t know what to do for Pride and need some pointers, check out BuzzFeed list of 16 tips for a successful weekend.

Also, a bonus video since we’re talking about gay bros, here is a classic LifeAccordingToJimmy video called “Pinky Promise.” Gotta love that classic middle school question, “Does your dad know you’re gay?” Super funny. Bro.

 

 

Jimmy Tatro Shows Us “How To Have Sex On a Plane”

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By Airec Sype.

YouTube bro-king, Jimmy Tatro, produced a “How To” video about having sex on a plane with Brittney Furlan on his LifeAccordingToJimmy page. Although I doubt that this would work in real life, especially now that this guide for all you bros and hoes out there is out for all GDIs to see. It does provide some useful tips just-in-case you wanna try having sex on a plane.

So if you feel ballsy enough, try it out. I know I wouldn’t try it. Not because I wouldn’t mind joining the “Mile High Club” but mainly because I’m a giant p*ssy. This isn’t attributed to my Asianness, it’s just because I’m scared of getting caught. Also the idea of having sex next to the shitter probably would make me wanna shit myself. Iono, I just have a bowel problem and I enjoy my time on the throne. Or at work I call it “my office.”

I’ll admit that I haven’t thoroughly enjoyed a Jimmy T video as much as this one. I will agree with other people, via Internet, that the old Jimmy is back.

Also, I don’t know who this Brittney Furlan is but it seems like the YouTubers in the comment section hates her. She’s hot enough to get my attention. Unless she’s like a racist or doesn’t date Asians then I don’t really have any reasons to trash her name.

Till next time, Sype.

Oh and GO PI KAPPS!!

Entourage Honest Trailer Adds to the Hype

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By Airec Sype.

After waiting for about an eternity, Entourage (the movie) finally hits the big screen this weekend. I’m sure an eternity isn’t calculated by my own self-centered judgement of time, but for a little bro (such as myself) it feels like forever. Why am I super stoked on this movie? Well, it has everything: bros, girls, debauchery, more broing out and of course more girls. Seriously, it’s like lifestyle porn for bros.

Right before I saw the movie, I watched Screen Junkies “Honest Trailer” for the flick. And even though “trailer” had negative remarks, it hyped me up more than ever!

For those who don’t know, Entourage is about a close-knit group of friends that rises to stardom. The series is also loosely based on Mark Wahlburgs life and his own entourage. There’s a lot of booze, partying, sex, women, bros, breathtaking Hollywood lifestyle, more L.A. life porn, whatever. In simpler words: it’s one giant effin’ party.

I could say that this movie has much more to offer than bros being bros like friendship, loyalty, commitment, perseverance, yadda yadda yadda. But at the end of the day it is what it is. This movie is awesome, has a bunch of funny burns and jokes and contains that loveable cast that everyone grew up watching.

However, not everyone shares my passion and enthusiasm for this movie. Samantha Grossman wrote in her TIME article that “maybe if people see the misogyny and racism” in the honest trailer then “they’ll boycott it and stay home to read bell books instead.”

She’s not the only person to public share her distaste on the Entourage franchise. Just scrolling down the YouTube comments of the honest trailer you can see negative criticisms.

Like Jesus Mohammad as he states, “Seriously, one of the worst f*cking shows ever!” Right, tell us how you really feel. Supplanter Law even thanked Screen Junkies for saving him time and money from watching the show. One of the funniest comment I saw was when a YouTuber called another user a “Nerd” for complaining about the show.

I could probably provide examples of people who supports the show but I’m not going to because I don’t have to. This show is awesome and it’s FICTIONAL. Sure it glorifies the naughty things that boys do with money, but it’s just ENTERTAINMENT!!!

Entourage isn’t trying to branch out to a wider audience; if you’re gonna watch this movie then you probably already made up your mind. Boys and girls alike.

Nobody bashed this hard on Sex in the City as it told the tale of four women that went on a journey to banged an entire city in the name of feminism. And if your girlfriend (or whatever thang) made you go watch that movie or other movies like Twilight, then you have the right to drag her butt to this epic film!

It’s entertainment people, get over it. If you don’t like its content then don’t watch it and don’t judge other people for indulging in their naughty bro fantasies.

There’s a reason why this show has won awards and have been nominated for a few others. Like Best Writing for a comedy series by the Writers Guild of America three years in a row.

The critics on Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 29% rating. But who cares what they think right. Entourage is a movie for its fans. And the people have spoken. The audience gave the movies a mixture of stars but plenty of 4 stars were prominent. Fans call it “fun and hilarious” and “really really really good.”

Max H claims that “this a movie ABOUT assholes, MADE by assholes, to be WATCHED by assholes.” That is true my keyboard warrior. But he also enjoyed the movie as he claims that he “was (also) one of those assholes.”

The storyline in this movie is simple and nothing carefully layered like The Hurt Locker or The Notebook. This movie is one of guilty pleasures and ego stroking. Just have fun. This is a crazy ride that hits close to home because we all have a Vinny, Drama, Eric, Turtle, and that one loud mouth asshole that we all hate but love, Ari Gold, in our entourage. Watching this movie is just like the night before Thanksgivings in your hometown, reunited with old friends for another rager.

Here’s to broing out and bulling your way to the top, Sype.

EPIC HALO vs CALL OF DUTY!!!

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By Airec Sype.

RackaRacka released an epic video of Call of Duty players battling Master Chief on YouTube earlier this week. This video contains it all: pestering grandmas, nerdy man-child(s), Elite energy swords and yes, even the non-stop barrage of C.O.D. zombies. Well instead of Nazi zombies, we have a bunch of old people . . . so kinda like zombies.

I came across this video while at work and I instantly knew that I had to sneak away in the bathroom to watch it. One of my managers walked in half-ways through and I didn’t care because I had a smile that stretched across my face, as wide as my eyes because this video is that got dang awesome.

This short has it all, all the weapons and mods and care packages that every F.P.S. (First Person Shooters for you non-virgins-before-19 out there) nerd can want in a live-action video. Although the ending of the video doesn’t really answer the age-long question about “Which FPS shooter is better, Halo or Call of Duty?” You can still leave satisfied as you watch these fans duke it out in attempt to please the inner-nerd in all of us.

THEY EVEN GOT THE HALO T-BAG!!!

For anyone who no longer has the time for video games, RackaRacka will remind you of that childhood that was not too long ago. I can’t help but think of microwavable foods, stale cherry pies that cost a dollar from Food4Less, the stench of man-boys who haven’t showered in days because of the relentless video game playing. (Well, this went on until high school because I eventually started playing sports and had to hide my nerdy Asian side from all the cute white girls . . . go ahead and ask me about Dance Dance Revolution.) Oh yeah, this definitely touched that little Asian boy inside of me . . . in a non-sexual way.

Be sure to check out other RackaRacka videos on their YouTube page. They got some good ones on there for your other nerdy pleasures.

Till next time and keep playing video games, growing up is a trap!!!

Happy Not So Happy Mother’s Day!!!

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milfs and mothers day

by Airec Sype.

It’s Mother’s Day! Or it was Mother’s Day. I surprisingly found out a bunch of random and dark information off of National Geographic article by Brian Handwerk while researching how to correctly spell M-Day.

Also, a fun fact, this year marks the 101st birthday for this Hallmark holiday.

If you read Handwerk’s article then you will find out that this holiday is much more than afternoon brunch in the Marina, over-priced flowers and posting an Instagram picture of you and yo momma.

The roots of M-Day started in the 1850s when Ann Reeves Jarvis organized a Mother’s Day festival . . . I mean workshop (LOL MILF Festivals) . . . to “improve sanitary conditions and try to lower infant mortality by fighting disease and curbing milk contamination.” This army of mothers also tended to the wounded from both sides of the U.S. Civil War.

After Jarvis’s death, her daughter Ann Jarvis (same name) created Mother’s Day in 1908 to honor her deceased mother. The reason why Jarvis decided the name should be “Mother’s Day” instead of “Mothers’ Day” is because today is the day to celebrate “the best mother you’ve ever known,” this day is not to celebrate all mothers. Let’s face it, some moms can be b*tches.

The sad part about the Jarvis story is that she spent most of her life trying to fight the commercialism of Mother’s Day. Her intimate day to love her mother was rapidly stolen from her. The American capitalists saw that there was money to be made and transformed M-Day into what we now as overpriced flowers and a cheap reason to bring your mom to a bar for a free shot. Well not my mom- she’s Asian so she doesn’t drink. Alcoholism only runs in the boy’s side of my family (;P)

With Americans spending about $19.9 billion a year on M-Day and reports saying that M-Day is the most popular day for dinning out, it makes me a little sad that Jarvis made no money from this. She was obviously not successful in her battle against the evils of the mainstream and commercialism.

Instead of capitalizing on the financial success of her holiday, she took the high road and did not give in to greed. She never had children of her own so it’s tragic to see her one creation taken from her and reshaped into something she hated in front of her very eyes.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed Mother’s Day. I almost forgot to call my mom yesterday. She would have been a sad panda . . . I’m a bad Asian. So next year remember it’s about showing your mother how much you love her, and not about expensive gifts. However, if your mom does expect an expensive gift then she doesn’t love you and is only using you so you need to break up with her and get a new mom who will love you unconditionally.

Keep up the good work moms of the world. And you bad moms out there, tisk tisk.

Till next time, Sype.

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SNL Offends EVERYONE on the Internet with Teacher Rape Skit

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By Airec Sype

The internet was lit on FIRE when Saturday Night Live premiered their skit, “Teacher Trail,” last week which displayed a fictional trail of a teacher who is accused of having sex with a student.

I’m usually a MadTV fan, but once in awhile I’ll come across a SNL skit that I didn’t find too over-the-top-witty and just damn right funny. This was one of those moments.

After watching the skit and hearing the outrage of the moms of Twitter, I didn’t find it offensive at all. It was just a satire on these hot female teacher rape cases (AKA every prepubescent boy-who-has-ever-watched-porn dreams). I mean, I wish I had sex with the cheer-leading coach when I was in high school, but I guess that rite is reserved for the chosen ones.

Harry Shuldman of the NYPost called the skit “tasteless” in his article. He provides some example of the angry tweets about the comedic portrayal of a boy statutory rape. The examples claimed the skit to be “not funny” or just “wrong” because of the rape subject.

Uproxx has even more examples of offended people in their article concerning this controversial skit. But if you scroll down to the comment section of the piece, many commenters were not offended and shared a chuckle or two. Dan Del Aguaro simply said, “Oh get over it, it was hilarious.”

I’ve talked about this before, the thin line between comedy and offense in my SorryAsianParents blog. It’s true that there is a fine line between those two and that’s where the comedy lies: in between the cracks, exposing truth and humor. It simply comes down to intent of offense. Was SNL trying to offend people with their skit? No, probably not. Did they glorify rape for every teenaged boys fantasy? Hell yeah!

No wonder everyone claims that Americans like to be offended. It’s actually #101 on the Stuff White People Like blog.

Let’s get it right here, rape is bad. But is it wrong when a teen boy finally gets to bang that hot-teacher-that-every-boy-wants-to-bang-stamping-his-name-in-the-high-school-fraternity’s-history? Yeah, there’s no right way to do it actually. But let’s not pretend the boy whom hand is now broken from all the high fives isn’t also guilty. Unless the victim accused the teacher of unsolicited advances . . . well it’s actually still rape, but all those high fives doe.

Getting off point here. SNL is just a comedy group trying to comment on today’s society. “Teacher Trail” was not “tasteless” and it was done in a good manner. Cecily Strong portrayal of the teacher the right on the money as she portrayed her character like . . . well a school girl, in lust. Pete Davidson was right to be a gloating teenager because if Strong was my teacher, I . . . actually wouldn’t know what to do because I’m a scared lil Asian boy. The judge and father in the skit also represents how some phallic-centric-masculine-America feels when a teenage boy slashes a hot teachers gash.

Don’t get mad at SNL for how they portrayed their “truth” of this crisis in America. If you want to point the finger at someone then point it at the teachers who are betraying their code of conduct and the American judicial system for giving hot female teachers light sentences. Like in Denise Keesee case in Oregon, who received only 30 days for having sex with a 16-year-old.

Figure out who’s really at fault here when you form your lynching mobs. Leave comedians out of this fight, and if you can’t handle the(ier) truth then stop watching comedy.

Till next time, Sype

Here is a bonus of the names the kid was called in the skit, provided by GoldenTrawick of YouTube:

The man
Luckiest guy ever
My hero
Baller
Lil pimp
Lil baller
The one
Good year pimp
Fred Pimp-Stone
Ren and Pimpy
King of the Teachers
After school special
Teacher’s petter
The boy who lived
Gavin the Great
Magic the Gavining
Legend
Supercalifragilistic-this be such a dope kid
He who has sex with teachers