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A Newlyweds Hilarius “Drunk History”

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By Airec Sype.

After surviving to the age of 23, with the help of alcohol, I started noticing that everyone was entering serious-long-term relationships. Then after the age of 24, everyone and their mammas were getting married. Since then, I’ve been to a few weddings and engagement parties. One of the reoccurring tasks that I noticed couples doing at these occasions is the retelling of how they first met. I’m sure it’s a story that they have all rehearsed and painfully enjoy telling. Those love birds. It’s their day after all.

One newlyweds, Justin & Jill, created a lifehack to tell their origin story to all of their families and friends at their reception in one fell swoop. Like many that have come to pass before, they created a video. However, it’s not just any ordinary video, it’s a parody of Comedy Central’s Drunk History. If you have no clue what Drunk History is, then let me explain: it’s basically a bunch of comedians getting drunk and retelling history. Pretty simple and awesomely funny. You should check it out.

I first caught news of this awesome video on BuzzFeed. I was hesitant at first, but I’m so glad I clicked on it. At first, I thought that it was going to be one of those sappy post about how two people met and fell in-love, like those on EliteDaily. Well it is . . . but this is soooooo much better and a million times more awesome.

A few words from the drunk lovebirds about the video:

Yesterday we got married. We didn’t want to waste time at the wedding reception having to answer the question “how did you two meet?”, so with the help of a few friends and a lot of booze we made this video to show at the rehearsal dinner. Enjoy! (WARNING: a few f-bombs from my drunken bride, delicate ears beware.)

What were their guest thoughts about the video after viewing? I don’t know. But I can assume that some definitely had a lot of side clinching laughs . . . along with some cringing disapproved faces. I would pony up an open bar at my wedding if my how-they-met-video can be as cool as this.

Here’s to a long and exciting marriage, Sype.

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Bros Guide to Creeping on Girls at a Festival/Rave

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At the hotel for EDC 2013 . . . does this turn you on? Sexy Asian.
At the hotel for EDC 2013 . . . does this turn you on? Sexy Asian.

NOTE: I did mean to write “rafe.”

 

            By Airec Sype

(Disclaimer from me, Sype, the thoughts and views expressed in this blog post does not reflect my views on women nor does it mean that I’m a douche at a festival hitting on girls. I respect women and respectfully creep on them from afar and would not physically creep on them. This is just a satirical response to my friend, and amazing writer, Stephanie Q’s, article: Flirting vs Friendly. So enjoy. Thank you.)

 

Alright bros, it’s getting to be that time of year again, my favorite time of year, FESTIVAL SEASON!!!

Festival season is great because you can rage hard, pump fists and hit on half-naked-chicks. The first two parts of my list are simple and easy to do, every bro from gym rats to nerds can partake with ease.

That last part however, might be difficult for some bros in the quest for that sweet sweaty rave gash.

So here are some quick easy tips for getting girls at a rafe. Use them wisely boys.

1.      1. If she likes your kandi, then she wants dat D.

Look bros, if some girl takes the time to burrow her way through the crowd to say “I like your kandi,” then that means she’s trying to talk to you. If she’s complimenting you then she’s deff hitting on you, dawg. No way that chick is trying to leave her pack of (pussy) cats, risking the chance of being creeped on by some beta if she wasn’t trying to get some of that ALPHA!

2.     2.  There’s no way a girl is just trying to dance.

If a girl is up there shaking her carefully crafted booty, then she’s waiting for some Alpha to say “sup.” There’s no way that she spent all that time in the gym, preparing all those pansy “meal preps” for the week and trying all those trendy fad cleanses to just be with the girls. (Unless she’s a lesbian then I’m fine with that. As long as I’m there.) She’s at a festival, so that means she’s down to party! Grow some balls, go up there and talk to her. The more baggage the better bro; bonus points if she hates her dad.

3.    3.   Bump and GRIND!!!

Just sneakily walk up behind her and start pumping that fist. Flex those biceps, shrug those shoulders, you’re not wearing that tank top cuz it’s comfortable. You spent all that time in the gym and taken all the diet meth that GNC sold ya, so walk up to her and show her what those steroids got cha. Strategically pump that fist next to her and “accidentally” bump into her. If she bumps back then that means she wants it.

4.      4. Uplift her hand and into her rave panties.

Right before that sick drop from one of those awesome Top 10 bangers, there is an overused build-up. You gotta look at her and say, “I love this part.” If she says something back, even if you don’t hear her, you gotta grab her hand and lift it in the air. This shows her that you’re sensitive and shit. They like cheese, feelings. At this point, she should have either retracted your hand cuz you’re a rapist or kept it there. And if it’s still there then she is left defenseless and you gotta seize this moment to hold her hand or strategically give her a twirl into your back attack grinding position.

5.      5. Hugs baby, hugs.

Rave chicks love to hug and cuddle. Give her the nod, then she’ll know she’s yours. During a song, hug her. It’s a reason to get close. Make sure she smells your alpha smell that has been manifesting since the banger dropped. Cuddle hard and remember that girls love it when you say creepy things to them.

6.      6. She doesn’t just want to be friends.

No Alpha settles in the friend-zone. If she says that she only wants to be friends then you gotta move onto the next cunt. She’s not ready for an alpha like you. However, if you want to try and fist pump your way out of the friend-zone, then you better hope you’re alpha enough. Just play the friend card for awhile. Girls like aggressiveness. It’s an uphill battle but you can do it bro.

Alright bros, I’ve given you some tips on how to be successful at getting that sweet rave thang. Just don’t be Chester the Molester here. Don’t creep hard because no girl likes a desperate bro. If she don’t like you then just move on. You got this bro. Rave hard. BE. ALPHA. AS. F*CK!!!!

 

PS, don’t do any of this . . . bro.

 

Top 10 Things that K&A Hate and Love About EDC (or any other festivals as well)

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By: Koko and Airec

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Zips chillin for a pose at EDC 2012. Rage.

The Electric Daisy Carnival is the most magical place on Earth (sorrywerenotsorry, Disney). Over the years the location of this magical insomniac wonderland has changed, but that doesn’t mean that the aesthetic feel of its importance is lost. (Dem feels bro). The current home of this electronic fairy tale, that is waiting to be written by the likes of 400,000 attendance , is in the Graceland, or Sin City, of Las Vegas.

There are so many reasons to love EDCLV! This event has got it all. DJs, rides, art … and of course your best friends by your side. With the good comes the bad, and the world wouldn’t be balanced if there wasn’t a sense of Yin & Yang to the Electric Daisy. Here is a list of the top 10 things we utterly hate and absolutely love about the past 3 years of Las Vegas’ Electric Daisy Carnival.

the picture of our credentials of past EDC, Koko and I are in all 4 of em, the only members of our group to do so
The picture of our credentials of past EDCS, Koko and I are in all 4 of em, the only members of our group to do so.

Please feel free to add your hates & loves in a comment below!

HATES

1. LACK OF SANITATION

This is more of a personal problem but we know we’re not the only ones with our panties in a bunch about it. Not all port-o-potties have hand sanitizer in them. Yuck! Come on Insomniac.

Sype: Dudes, just make sure you drip properly and try to not get any piss on yourself. Being drunk isn’t an excuse. However if you do, just wipe it off on your pants; no one will know if you don’t tell anyone . . . not even your bros . . . cuz that sh*t is gross

2. DJ OVERLAP

Insomniac forces us to make some serious life decisions when they decide to have some of your favorite DJ’s playing their sets at the same time. If only it were possible to be in 2 places at once, but this isn’t Harry Potter and we can’t all have Hermione’s magical pendent. (We both LOVE Emma Watson FYI. Especially Sype because he’s a creeper).

Sype: So plan your time wisely. Even if you do plan on seeing half a DJ’s set to make it to another, you can still miss out on some of the best drops or musical performance the set. Tip: see your favorite DJ last 30 minutes instead of the first. I know this because Ish was forced to carry me KICKING AND SCREAMING as we left Mat Zo’s set when he dropped “Rebound” last year. I will never forgive him. Also remember that sometimes things change; I didn’t expect to leave Above & Beyond for Fedde Le Grand, but hey, it happened (thanks Koko).

3. THE SUNRISE BOOT

When the last DJ finishes the his/her set, the Speedway security will try to kick everyone out right away. Thus abruptly ruining your magic as you’re reminded that once you leave the top stairs of the Speedway- reality awaits you.

Koko: It would be really nice to ride a few rides and refill my water bottle before making the journey back to the strip.

Sype: Girls, don’t forget to use the restroom or else you’re gonna be like that one girl at EDC 2012 rushing out of the shuttle bus and peeing on the side of the road as she beaver shot everyone. Guys . . . well we’re pretty much covered. Thank you penis.

4. DOUCHEBAGS & BITCHES

Me flexing, I just turned 21. . .yes I know I looked like a douche bag for taking this picture, but hey, I just turned 21
Me flexing, I just turned 21. . .yes I know I looked like a douche bag for taking this picture, but hey, I  had just turned 21.

And when we say D-Bags and B-Word, we mean it in the most constructive, positive way. Maybe we don’t understand you, so we don’t know why you’re acting like this; maybe you had a bad childhood and the only way of life that you know how to live is one full of rudeness and vile attitudes that cause you to lash out in society with your scowl. But please, even with all of your baggage, this does not give you the right to be a fugging as*hole!

We hate it when someone is pushing through the crowd with fierce elbows, stomping on our feet as they try to bull-rush to the front. We also hate it when someone runs into you without saying sorry. We also hate . . . well, we simply hate it if you’re just being plain rude! (Exclamation marks times infinity!)

Why you gotta be like that?!? We understand you may be high or whatever, but please be considerate of the people around you and mind your manners. We know yo mama didn’t raise you to be no fool!

Koko: So be kind, practice your PLUR.

Sype: Or just don’t be an AS*HOLE!

5. PEOPLE ASKING YOU FOR DRUGS

We understand that you like to party, but please stop asking us if we have drugs. And if we say no, please don’t nag us with statements like: “we know you have some” or “please, it’s my first rave.” That just makes you desperate and a rave sl*t. And girls, don’t whore yourself to guys for free hits of molly, just because you have a pretty face doesn’t mean it will always get you what you want. (Like those hot Canadian girls who tricked our friend at EDC 2012, his little head won their battle but lost his war)

Sype: Also, just because I’m Asian and I’m wearing a panda cap smiling as wide as my eyes, doesn’t mean I’m rolling!!!

asian boyfriend
Asian hat + Asian eyes = makes for a cute Asian boy ;P

6. LOSING YOUR FRIENDS

Losing your friends is never fun. It’s dark, it’s loud, and there are a million people around you. SO DON’T FREAK OUT. You wanna see your favorite DJ but you fear never being able to find your friends again in all the madness.

Losing your friends sucks, but what’s worst is losing your girlfriend or boyfriend, then that would really suck. You don’t know who’s trying to squirrel up your nut. The worst part about this is that there is slim to none cell-phone reception so . . . good luck.

But if you’re a #zip then you know your crew has specific meeting times in case anyone is ever lost. Genius!

Meeting at the Zipper, #Bros4Life
Meeting at the Zipper, #Bros4Life

Just try to enjoy the moments as EDC throws them at you when you get lost. Make the best of it. Sometimes the most fun is when you’re by yourself and free to do whatever you want.

7. HAVING TO LEAVE WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD

This has happened to all of us, we’re enjoying a set and we have leave for some reason or we just gotta get out of there. Leaving a crowd always sucks! You gotta push and shove your way out of a sea of sweaty, angry people because you’re disrupting their experience as they brush off your “sorry’s” and “pardon me’s.”

I'm just wondering around
I’m just wondering around..

Then to tack onto this not-so-pleasant experience, the trip back. If you left a girlfriend/boyfriend or your crew, you are faced with the decision of fighting your way back through the same people you just pissed off or, do you enjoy the set from outside of the mass? Your choice.

Sype: Yeah, fugg that, I’m old. I’ll just stay out there and enjoy it from afar. My friends know where to find me.

Koko: Especially at Circuit Grounds. WTF is going on that there is a 20 degree temperature difference if you walk an extra 5 feet toward the stage? Eff that. I’ll stand in the back where I can get a breeze. Or get a VIP wristband from somebody and enjoy that Very Important Person view 😉

Koko getting a breeze . . . and just adding a little sex appeal ;P
Koko getting a breeze . . . and just adding a little sex appeal ;P

8. HIGH WINDS/BEING COLD

High winds in Vegas can ruin your EDC experience . . . like how the vicious winds of Las Vegas robbed us of Markus Schulz EDC 2012. We had just experience a pleasing set from Calvin Harris and had just arrived at Markus before the winds kicked it. WE WERE ROBBED!!! Our 2nd day ended early. This maybe unrelated but our friend DeathMetal puked his brains out after Markus reluctantly told the crowd they had to leave the majestic A State of Trance stage . . . but that might be because of something else.

High winds ROBBED us of DAY 2 of EDC during my (Sype) fave DJ set, MARKUS SCHULZ
High winds ROBBED us of DAY 2 of EDC during my (Sype) fave DJ set, MARKUS SCHULZ

Koko: Being a girl, we know that when we go to raves, we might not be wearing the most father-approving clothes. So when those high winds kick in, we’re freezing out little tutus off. Burr. This is the most appropriate time to create a cuddle puddle in the grassy field or ask a guy friend for his sweater (;P)

9. LEAVING THE SPEEDWAY

When the sun is already high in the morning sky that can only mean one thing, the festival for the day is over. This also means another thing . . . RAVE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!

RAVE ZOMBIES!!! Thank God we don't dress like this or get as zombified anymore
RAVE ZOMBIES!!! Thank God we don’t get as zombified anymore.

And trust us, nobody looks good in this zombie light. When the day is over, there are hella amounts of brainless ravers trying to rush out the Speedway in a slow Walking Dead like fashion. Everyone smells like cigarettes, body odor, and of course Vicks.

Don’t even get us started on leaving the Speedway parking lot. There is no such thing as PLUR in the Speedway parking lot. It’s over packed with people who are coming down and trying to GET THE HELL OUT! Everyone is cutting each other in-line and doesn’t seem to know where they’re going.

One time leaving the Speedway on the last day of EDC we saw some ravers get out and start shuffling outside their car in traffic . . . while they must have still been high, this irritated us. Get in your car and move! While stuck in traffic, the only thing we could have done was channel our anger to these kids who were still living EDC . . . damn those kids.

damn kids and their shuffling
damn kids and their shuffling

Koko: While stuck in leaving-the-speedway-traffic, we exchanged booze and kandi with some nice ravers in the car next to us. Traffic isn’t all that bad when people uphold the PLUR.

Sype: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE! Be safe.

10. SAYING GOODBYE TO YOUR FRIENDS AND RETURNING TO REAL LIFE

saying goodbye always suck #demfeels bro
Saying goodbye always sucks. #demfeelsbro

After spending an amazing week in Vegas and living in a magical wonderland of EDC, no one wants to leave. Trust us when we say there will be water works; floods of tears will fill hotel rooms as one-by-one your crew starts to take off into the abyss of adulthood.

It’s hard to say goodbye to something that made you really happy for a whole week, it’s also hard to say goodbye to your friends who you only see once in a blue moon, or this could have been one of the rare times where everyone is together, fact of the matter is that no matter how tough you are, saying goodbye at EDC is going to feel like one giant Death Cab for Cutie concert. It’s clinically depressing.

Koko: Every time I leave my friends after EDC I cry. I just can’t help it. We’re all depressed, the highs have plummeted to painful lows, and everyone’s climbing aboard the feels train. All we can do is start the countdown for the next year’s EDC.

Sype: We men don’t cry, but we can go on walks. Trust me, when everyone is leaving just say a quick goodbye and give a light hug so you can jolly-off on a dark stroll down the bright neon lit Vegas strip, it helps.

 

 

LOVES

1. FREE WATER!!!!

Need we say more? Don’t pay for that shiiiiizzle.

2. FREE RIDES

What other carnival/fair offers free rides!? Pretty dope.

weeeee pho fleeeee
Weeeee pho freeeee

3. FRIENDLY COPS

Once you’re inside the motor speedway, the security and cops are super nice! You can always spot them fist pumping at a stage or trading kandi with ravers. It really makes the whole experience more comfortable when you know that the cops will party with you and protect you at the same time.

4. LAS VEGAS LOVES US.

The city of Las Vegas had no idea what hit them EDC 2011. L.V. citizens were like ‘WTF is EDC and why are all these kids running around in tutus!?’ Now the city welcomes us with open arms by holding EDC week where all major hotels, clubs and pools are on board with the raving mayhem. They love us for bringing in millions of dollars in revue in a week’s time, and we love them for being so accommodating.

Cheers! WE'RE IN VEGAS
Cheers! WE’RE IN VEGAS

5. EDC SCHEDULE

We love that the EDC website has an interactive schedule maker so you can create your schedule for each day and even share it with your friends through social media! Remember the days of having to hand write a schedule of DJ sets? Yikes.

6. THE PRODUCTION

What makes EDC standout from other festivals is the time and money that Insomniac puts into their production: the art, the variety of colorful stages in tuned with the music that is being preformed there, the lights, the vast amounts of performers and entertainment, ALL OF IT!

Clowns plus a marching band?!?!? oh yeah that's sick . . . unless you're afraid of clowns and hate music, then sucks for you
Clowns plus a marching band?!?!? Oh yeah that’s sick . . . unless you’re afraid of clowns and hate music, then sucks for you.

Sype: One of my favorite memories of last year EDC was after Koko and I left Above & Beyond to see Fedde Le Grand and she pointed out the lights in the sky. As I looked up, I saw multiple streams of white light from all around the Speedway that met in the middle. This I thought gave EDC that final touch of a magical environment that sealed off any influence of the outside world and strengthened the illusion of being in a magical wonderland. Unless that production *cough Art Cart cough* blocks your view and plays loud amateur DJ music robbing you 10 minutes of Ferry Corsten’s set, then yeah the production sucks! But everything else is awesome.

7. RANDOMLY FINDING YOUR FRIENDS

We found each other! lets make hearts with our hands!
We found each other! Let’s make hearts with our hands!

As anyone would know, getting lost fugging sucks. And to make this worst, due to the massive amounts of people at EDC, that smart phone that you flashed to all of your friends with its bells and whistles (and especially in front of that one friend who still has that museum-grade-flip-phone) is now useless. It basically becomes an overpriced camera with a digital clock. When you’re lost and really really really want to find your friends, this can kill your experience. But somehow with a stroke of luck and a pinch of EDC magic you do happen to find your friends, there is a sheer thrill of happiness that one cannot describe. Finding your friends allows you to not only create memories, but it also allows you to have the pleasure of knowing that you created those memories with your friends and loved ones.

8. NEW FRIENDS

6 of 70, the first of us to enter in EDC 2013 Day 3
We just met these cool people from New York.

You know that song “No New Friends” by DJ Khaled featuring that crippled guy on Degrassi Drake? Well that’s bullsh*t! That kind of mentality does not fly here at EDC. Sure you came with people, but you got to realize that you have the potential of making 400,000 new friends in this magical wonderland.

Given if that person isn’t an as*hole or a c*nt. Then steer away from them; they’re just here for the beer and b*tches. Try to look for goodness in everyone, but try not to get taken advantage of.

We started our festival group with a handful attending EDC 2009, and now we’re about 70 people large and GROWING! #ZipperSquad So make some new friends, it’s totally worth it!

9. SEEING YOUR FAVORITE DJ/ THE MUSIC

Why do we go to EDC? WELL IT’S FOR THE MUSIC!!! We love the music that EDC offers us. Or else we wouldn’t be spending a bunch of money risking our health by dehydrating ourselves in the middle of a freaking desert.

I couldn't help but life up one of my best friends when we heard Sander Van Doorns "Eagles"
I couldn’t help but lift up one of my best friends when we heard Sander Van Doorns “Eagles”

Sype: If I wanted to do that I would have stayed in Fresno. There is something about the combination of music and friends that when you combine those two, that song or DJ set will forever hold a place in your heart. So every time you listen to an old live set or hear that special song, your mind will be rushed like a fireman’s hoes with euphoria as your body shivers as your reminded of that time and place where you and your friends jumped in joy when that song first encompassed you guys like a warm blanket of merriment.

10. THOSE MAGICAL MEMORIES

Those little magical memories make up our story, as told to us by Above & Beyond
Those little magical memories make up our story, as told to us by Above & Beyond

We may not know the meaning of life, and it’s probably not hidden in the subtext of EDC, but we do know the meaning of “live in the moment.” Not YOLO, because that is a load of bullsh*t young kids say before they do something stupid or slutty. But EDC is our favorite place to create these magical memories which was forged by “living in the moment” that will forever binds us to our friends, helping us on the road to happiness down this “meaning of life.” Despite the constant alcohol abuse and head injuries, we will never forget the magic that we and our friends have fostered at EDC, in the Las Vegas Speedway or on the Strip.

May it be the memory of someone clogging our toilet on the third day of six at EDC 2012, forcing us to use the lobby bathroom every time we had to pee or poo, or may it be the memory of seeing the sunrise on the last day of EDC that year as we watched and heard Aly & Fila perform their hit “We Control the Sunlight.”

All of these joyous times we will carry with us until the day we die. We will forever remember our time at EDC and the happiness we felt. It truly is a magical place, we hope that you guys will be able to make your own magic during your adventures there because even if, God forbid, EDC gets shut down, EDC will forever be alive in our hearts and memories.

Till next time, please have a safe and fun EDC from Koko and Airec. Laters.

night 2
EDC 2013 Night 2, everyone, plus a few new friends, together

P.S. A last note from Sype: Koko will not be attending EDC this year due to her amazingly-awesome responsibility (and representing us #ZipperSquad) in the Peace Corps in South Africa. I will have to admit that my group and I will be deeply sadden with her absence. Not having a partner in crime, who has been with me closing out EDC for the past 4 years, is going to not feel (opposite of happy feelings words jumble). But when she comes back, we will rage. Even in 20 years when we all have kids and are married, we shall meet up and live it up, cherishing our moment, everyone’s moment, together. It’s a promise.

We dressed classy to get trashy for this trance event, POP NYE 2012/2013
We dressed classy to get trashy for this trance event, POP NYE 2012/2013

 

 

A Bros Insight on Valentine’s Day: A Day of Hate & Love?

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Ah yes, it’s that time again, a time where couples ravish one another with elaborate gifts and post Facebook status singling single people out, once again reminding them of their lonesome partner-less life. It’s mother fugging Valentines Day!

A little history lesson (after browsing Wikipedia): Valentine’s Day is also known as Saint Valentine’s Day, named after the saint (you probably guessed it) Valentine. And who is St. Valentine? He was a saint back in the day who was imprisoned by the Roman Empire because he preformed weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry.

Anyways, blah blah blah, wrote a letter to the daughter of his jailer before his execution and signed it with “Your Valentine,” blah blah blah. Christian churches also celebrate his feat with the Feast of Saint Valentine, blah blah blah.

Yeah, that’s probably all the history lesson we need.

But here in America, Valentine’s Day is more of a commercial celebration instead of a religious stature. Like I said, on V-Day (I know, it sounds like a horrible STD, ironic right) singles are reminded of their singleness (Valentine’s Day AKA Singles Appreciation Day), and couples try to outdo one another; framing their courtship via social media.

Lets say it’s V-Day morning and you decide to wake up and browse your news feed and lo and behold, your news feed is dominated with couples doing couply things, pictures bragging their love and valentine gifts are in your fucking face telling you they have someone and you don’t. But you can’t be mad at them, it’s not their fault that they’re annoying the love out of you . . . oh wait, no, it is their fucking fault!

Elite Daily has some examples of these habits you’re doomed to encounter on social media:

http://elitedaily.com/humor/the-most-annoying-people-youll-encounter-on-social-media-this-valentines-day/

Check out their three examples of people you will see on V-day, its pretty spot on.

Social media is not the only place where you will encounter Valentine’s Day frustrations. Once you step out of your dark and lonely room and into the love tainted world of Feb. 14, you will run into couples, lovey dovey couples, everything is painted fucking pink and red with false shaped hearts every-fucking-where, alongside the war-zone of cupids’ arrow. And prepare for the worst when approaching young love birds. At first, they will seem cute and warming. . . and then once their innocent love is tainted by lust and pornographic heathenism, you cannot help but avert your eyes!

Here is Guyism telling us 7 of the Worst Things about Couples:

http://guyism.com/humor/worst-things-couples.html#1-7-of-the-worst-things-about-couples

I probably agree with number 4: PDA the most. Especially in enclosed environment, such as public transportation, is the fucking worst. Seriously, we’re on the bus and not a fucking rave, take your hands out of her pants and stop trying to eat your partners face. You don’t need to show me your “love” on the MUNI because it’s fucking disgusting. PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK INTO YOUR MOUTH AND SAVE IT FOR HOME!!! I don’t care if in the comfort of your own home you cats like to make out or practice the Australian Kiss (a kiss from down under), just not next to me on the bus. The SF MUNI is already vomitous and full of diseases; I don’t need to worry about catching anything else.

Well, all of that said, we single people are not the beez-knezz either. Yea yea, we are reminded that we’re single and (imagine me saying this in a hippy-hipster voice) “Valentine’s Day is a lame consumerist holiday made up by the card companies” blah blah blah . . . but we can’t help but  feel left out in all of cupids’ magic: so we hate.

Here are some people who felt left out of the magic and tried to make up for it (and probably some of these are parodies):

http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6952530/13-baes-caught-slippin-this-valentines-day

Or, you could be one of those people who’s actually in a relationship but actually wanna break up with your partner because you hate Valentine’s Day – or you secretly hate them – but you’re too pussy to break up with them so you just ride it out. . . I guess you can take some helpful hints from Jimmy Tatro on how to instead of breaking up with your partner, you can annoy them in breaking up with you:

Seriously, watch this video. Fucking. Brotastic.

But V-day is really a day to celebrate love with your partner.  I mean sure, you can rebut that you don’t need a day to show your love, but fuck it, you don’t need a day to give presents but you have Christmas; you don’t need a day to get super drunk while your friends try to kill you with free alcohol but you have birthdays; you don’t need a day to randomly drunkenly kiss a stranger but we have New Years; you don’t need a. . . I’ll probably just stop here.

Oh, here’s a tip guys: If your girl, or whatever she is, says to you that she doesn’t wanna do anything for Valentine’s Day then she’s a FUGGING liar. She’s just saying that so the words Valentine’s Day is in your head. Just do something, if anything something small. Shit, get her a Happy Meal. Just something.

Death Cab for Cutie will explain my emo feelings for this day:

valentines day pic

My friend Juno posted something on my Facebook wall with the caption of #ForeverAlone to remind me of my Valentine’s Day defeat.

And yes, he has a girlfriend, and yes, he is a douchebag.

But the link he posted up was a Facebook study stating that San Francisco is the worst place to try and obtain a relationship. Hmm wait, I currently live in San Francisco . . . shit.

http://www.theverge.com/2014/2/13/5408968/facebook-relationships-singles-data

Oh well, you can’t depend on Facebook for everything. But I can try and beat the odds. I guess if I wanna get into a “relationship,” according to Facebook, I’m either gonna have to move to Colorado or somehow con a woman in getting into a relationship with me and passing the benchmark of three months. Seems easy enough.

Personally I like Valentine’s Day and would love to ravish some girl with my courtship n’ all-up-in-that. But sadly I’m single and do not have anyone to give my seed **cough** I mean my gifts, to. I guess I could do what I did last year and take a friend out on a Valentine’s Day date and throw money around just say I did something . . . or I can gather a group of single people my age and say FUCK IT and go to a rave. . . I think I’m gonna do the latter (:P)

-Till next time and hopefully you wrap your tool and not get an STD this V-Day, Sype.

-PS, here are some funny anti-Valentine’s Day gifts from Buzzfeed:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/buzz/Anti-Valentines_Day_Gifts

-PPS, I love bad bit***s and that’s my fucking problem. –A$AP Rocky

Spreading PLURR

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One downfall of the rave culture in Hawaii is the lack of PLURR. The EDM scene is plagued with underage bandwagoners, who think they are cool by taking hella drugs and going to raves. We are trying to change that mentality. You see those kinds of people everywhere, but especially here. Raves are about the music, having a genuine appreciation for the artists, sharing those moments with your friends, and doing your best to make sure everyone has a good experience.

PLURR is a popular acronym in the rave culture, standing for Peace, Love, Unity, Respect and Responsibility. (Also seen as PLUR) It’s been a common theme among ravers since the 1990s once a popular DJ named Frankie Bones shouted it out when a fight broke out during his set at an event.

PEACE- Keep the peace with everyone. Don’t go to raves causing fights, bringing drama, and spreading bad energy. Dance, enjoy the music, and savor every moment.

LOVE- Show love for each other. Show love to the DJs. Show your love for the music. Share with each other. You have gum? You have water? Share it. Acts of kindness always come full circle, and you will be rewarded in some way.

UNITY- The beautiful thing about electronic music is that is unifies people. Ravers come from all walks of life, and they can show up to these events and feel connected to each other. We all fit in. We all belong. We are all one with the music and with each other. There is a oneness of mind and feeling.

RESPECT- Show consideration for others. Especially for the venue hosting the event. Be polite, don’t litter and don’t make a mess. Show kokua for the environment.

RESPONSIBILITY- Don’t act a fool. Be smart with your alcohol & substance consumption.  Make good choices. Also, look our for your friends. Whenever I hear stories of ravers being carried away on stretchers, the first person I blame is the friends of the victim. You gotta look out for people. You come as a group- you leave as a group.

One of these most common ways of spreading PLUR is through giving kandi (like pictured above). Beaded bracelets made by hand to be given or traded with other ravers. The beads usually are a standard size, they come in all different colors, and lettered beads are often used to spell out words or phrases on the bracelets.

Every rave I go to, I try to make plenty of kandi to give out or to trade. I often make custom ones for my friends I know I will see at the event. I also make some generic ones to give out to people or trade. When I see a raver not wearing a kandi, I make a point to give them one. There is a series of hand gestures in which the kandi gets transferred from my wrist to theirs while we hold hands. If they have never been PLURRed a kandi before, I make sure I explain it to them, and encourage them to come to the next event with kandi, and join in on the PLURR.

I attended  a rave called Winter Wonderland last night. Mat Zo was deejaying. I brought over a dozen kandi with me and gave them all out through the course of the night. One guy I gave a kandi to had his friend take photos of every PLUR step so that they will know how to do it from now on =) They said they now feel accepted … It made me happy to see them so excited.

We do not judge those who are new to the scene, nor do we try to keep newcomers out. Instead we welcome them with open arms. And while doing so, we educate them on the concept of PLURR and encourage them to acclimate themselves to the way we do things in our culture.

Demonstrating PLURR is something I always promote and strive to do myself. Keeping these practices alive is very important to me. If ravers showed a little more PLURR, it might help change the reputation of the scene, and keep the culture bustling!

-Love Koleana Kai McGuire

“Strings a bunch of beads together during arts and crafts, jeweler.”

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