movies

Merry Christmas from Koko and Airec and Deadpool

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I forgot to re-blog this from Xmas. Opps. Typical Airecisms

#SorryAsianParents

By Airec Sype.

Howdy y’all. It’s been some time since we both have posted on our blog but here we are today. We both have been working on various different projects and still have been writing on different platforms. So it’s sad that we have been neglecting our baby. I (Sype.) am posting on this site because my credit card that was funding the payment for A Dark Minded Giggle expired and it was gonna cost me about 100 bucks to buy back the domain name . . . yeah, f*ck that. So I’m using this.

Let me start off with MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Whereas most families are spending their Xmas together, my dysfunctional but functional Asian family is spending it not together (I’m sure there is a better word for that). Any who, I’m sure we will all be together right before I leave.

Some khao poon and sticky rice with chicken and Thai green chili lime sauce Some khao poon and sticky rice with chicken…

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Bros Insight on the Oscars: Broscars

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Now that the Oscar hangover is said for and done, it’s time to really look back at the 86th Academy Awards. Oh wait, I didn’t watch it.

It’s not that I think the Oscars is stupid, or useless, nor do I believe it represents every single Americans view of “Best Picture.” I know when I think of kick-ass movies that are superbly badass none of the Oscar nominees are on my list. To be honest here, I had always thought that the Oscars and Academy Awards were two different award shows . . . I guess it goes to show how much I pay attention to this kinda stuff . . . like high fashion, pff.

Well shit, it’s not like they have any of my favorite movies on the nominated list. I mean, was American Pie (1-Reunion) or Friday Night Lights or Warrior nominated. Even in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences –or the AMPAS for short, the people who oversees and runs the Oscars- attempts to include more of the vast movie consumers of America by adding different nominated categories, the AMPAS failed to include such animated films like Evangelion 1.11-3.33. For those of you who don’t know, Evangelion is an anime about giant robots killing giant aliens. Kind of like what Pacific Rim is about, actually it is entirely what Pacific Rim is about. But the anime came first. And Pacific Rim is a badass movie so I can’t complain. (Just as one more rant, I think Paul Rudd or Sean Williams Scott should win a fugging Oscar. Just saying.)

In short, I respect the Oscars, or the Academy Awards, or whatever you choose to name that golden phallic trophy, but I do not care for it. I know some people love it and even have viewing parties for it, but come on. It’s just a bunch of people talking about how grateful they are for winning an award for a movie and thanking everyone and their mammas. For Tim Tebows sake, it’s not like it’s the Superbowl or anything. Now that is something that you should give a shit for. Sports baby *kisses my bicep*

CollegeHumor posted a video of what the Oscars would look like if it was not ran by the AMPAS but instead by FratBros: The BrOscars. It’s fugging awesome. Watch it:

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With award categories such as ‘Most Jacked’ and ‘Best Funny Ass Part’ (and many others), this is an award show that you should watch. Or rather (mainly) I would watch. All it’s missing is ‘Hottest Chick in a Movie’ and ‘Baddest Bitch.’ I can smell its greatness.

However, despite my lack of superior interest in the Oscars, also the fact that I did not watch the Oscars nor did I have time (would rather go to the gym or bars or read or masturbate or something), the internet did have some awesome things to say about it.

Mashable complied 20 Weirdest Things at the Oscars. Some of it is cool and some of it is alright I guess. It’s not as much as weird but more of ‘Celebrities Doing Stuff that Seems Cool!’ Jennifer Lawrence falling down was kind of funny though. And that whole selfie thing was just over-hyped. I don’t get why the internet was so jizzy over a bunch of celebs in a “selfie” picture. I think most selfies are overrated anyways . . . unless it contains a girl in yoga pants; then we have a different story.

Lawrence  alone is a whole mess of weird, and dorky, and hot. I mean like really hot. But kinda crazy hot. Like if you broke up with her she will show up at your work place and tell all of your co-workers that you suck at sex and might stand outside of your window, kinda crazy hot. But in the end she’s still pretty fugging hot. Maybe it’s that ‘I’m a badass’ and ‘I do what I want’ kind of attitude that she has that skyrockets her level of hotness above others. I don’t know but I’m getting off track here. But we should look at what BuzzFeed has to say about her 19 Best Moments at the Oscars.

We can’t talk about this year’s Oscars without mentioning Leonardo DiCaprio. He is a 4 time loser of the Oscars. But should this lack of a phallic statue discredit him as a badass actor? Naw brah. Elitedaily has a funny (one of those funnies where you laugh at your friends when they get hurt or turned down at a party kind of funny) complication of DiCaprio’s face when he is told a familiar tale of losing, again. Hell, in this complication, you can see the field day that the internet had with memes of DiCaprios lost. Tough luck. Kind of how I felt when I was runner up for the Mr. Ranger competition in high school, almost was like homecoming king. You don’t even know man.

One funny thing that I did see on Facebook though was when 12 a Slave won best picture and my friend Joe’s comment: “Hey, sorry for slavery, take this Oscar as a token of our sympathy and gratitude for helping to build America.” I don’t know if this is true or if this can be proven, so I could only respond with something slightly racist: “#WhiteGuilt” And for those of you wondering, yes Joe is African-American.

So there you have it, the Oscars, just a bunch of celebrities and a select group of movie critics stroking each other off as they try to one up each other movies. Until movies like Hot Tube Time Machine or 300 gets nominated and thrown into that snub mix, I’m not gonna watch it . . . unless my future wife forces me to. I’m pretty easily whipped as my friend Juno knows.

-Until next time, Sype.

PS, Give Sean William Scott an award already.

A Bros Insight to ‘Her’: Along with Subconscious Hipsterisms

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Her

Along with subconscious hipsterisms

A few days ago, my bromigo, Jose, and I decided to spend our evening watching the new Spike Jonze film, Her. Now it’s perfectly normal for two heterosexual males to watch a sci-fi romance movie, it’s not gay.

Seriously, not gay; we men have an emotional side too, with feelings and shit.

A Quick Recap of the Movie:

            Written and directed by Spike Jonze, Her is a complicated movie where Theodore Twombly, played by actor Joaquin Phoenix, falls in-love with his operating software, or O.S., after suffering a heart-breaking divorce.

Or according to my inner-bro, Her is a movie where some loser hipster falls in-love with his Apple computer (probably since he’s a hipster and all) that sounds like Scarlett Johansson (and nothing like the realistic Siri, that little smart-mouth-twat) and wants to bang it but can’t and can only creepy and weirdly vocal-bang it.

her status

Broster-view (Broster = Hipster + Bro):

            Let me start off by saying, still not gay.

THE END OF THIS POST CONTAINS PARODY VIDEOS of Her, or you can just skip to the end if you don’t wanna hear a bro complain about #hipsterproblems.

My first reaction to the movie,as ripped from my Facebook comment:

“i like it. it was chill. felt like everyone in the movie shopped at american apparel or urban outfitters. but it was a good movie. i wouldnt watch it again tho. it was too depressing for me. but it does show the true concept and troubles of love. super hipster tho man. like fucking hipster as fuck. but it was done really well and was good. but super fuckin hipster. like emo hipster. but good. but hipster. but also really good. i hope this redundant review of the movie helped you. just fuckin watch it.”

But anyways, Her is surprisingly a very good movie. Yeah, it’s kinda weird (pretty fucking weird actually), but it’s a good movie. It has a very hipster-esk quality to it. Everyone has mustaches and looks as if everyone shopped at American Apparel or Urban Outfitters. Seriously, not a bro was in sight. I didn’t know that in the future, Hipster-Apparel has dominated the clothing market and people only wore high wasted slacks with a fully buttoned-up shirt. And oh yeah, EVERYONE HAS A MUSTACHE!

And don’t even get me started on the computers. It looks as if Apple had defeated the P.C.s in the great computer war in the future. I mean, the movie did not specify what kinda computer that universe was using, but it sure as hell looked like G.D. Apple.

Despite this whole complex-futuristic-concept of a man trying to finger-bang (as well as cock-bang) his O.S., it does raise some important philosophical questions about love. I wouldn’t say it’s a new concept since movies like Weird Science and Catfish had previously explored this “Man loves Computer” theme. Well, Catfish might be a different scenario since its some lady pretending to be somebody else, but it does have a lonely depressed guy falling in love with a computer screen in the mask of Facebook.

Random tangents aside, the question that I was confronted with after seeing this movie is if love belonged to just us humans in a form of mind and flesh, or is it a more universal emotion that only requires the ability of thought and desire?

I personally do not know the answer to that question because there has been relationships in the world that have been solely built on online dating and weird World of Warcraft marriages and shit. And I don’t really know jack-shit about love.

Here is what my friend Cameron has to say about the movie:

“i really liked Her. i feel like it spoke to something inside of me, on a more primal level about what it really means to connect with other beings and how limited our minds can be when it comes to who we decide to connect with/let into our lives, and what defines a true genuine connection for that matter as well.”

Aside from the hipster-accepted-form-of-insanity-love in the movie (if you saw the movie you would get that last jumble of words), some awkward parts in this movie are the sex scenes. When Twombly first have online sex (which reminds me of a not-so-distant-past of AOL Instant Messenger “cybering”) in a chat room, you are left kinda freaked out after a cat gets thrown into the mix, followed by tears of either joy or subconscious unresolved sexual problems. It was definitely weird, but funny. But weird fosho. It was also super hipster tho. I could imagine some hipster people drinking PBR in a tiny apartment in the Mission saying, “Wouldn’t it be funny if you can have online sex with a girl and her cat somehow gets involved.” And especially the first sex scene between the A.I., Samantha, and Twombly, it’s super uncomfortable and a little over the top. Sure Samantha is voiced by the blonde bombshell Scarlett Johansson, but . . . but . . . WE DON’T EVEN GET SIDE BOOB OR ANY BODY PARTS OF JOHANSSON!!! ALL WE GET IS JOAQUIN PHOENIX FACE CLIMAXING!!!

But speaking of hot chicks, I didn’t realize that Amy Adams is Amy. Yea, I realize how ironic the characters name is now. This is due to Adams blonde hair in the movie instead of her natural red. But never-the-less, she’s still pretty hot. She kinda looks like the hipster girl of my dreams, high wasted jeans and all.

All-in-all, Her is a good movie but I probably wouldn’t see it again. I could live without hearing Joaquin Phoenix make sex noise again, and I deff don’t wanna bang my computer.

Some Awesome Parodies of Her:

My favorite parody is with Johan Hill on Saturday Night Live called Me.

I love the awkwardness of Johan Hill mixed in with super awkwardness of trying to bang your computer; it just makes it super fucking awkward. And the ending scene with Michael Cera nails it. This could almost be better than the movie. It made my favorite line of the movie (the whole “love is like a socially accepted form of insanity blah blah blah”) seem super stupid. Ah, now you see that world jumble I had earlier. And man, that Cera robot-sexy-dance is one pimp move I gotta try on the ladies; panties droppin in no time.

This parody is called Him and is produced by Paul Gale Comedy. Instead of Johan Hill, we have Seth Rogen’s voice in this one and with a more stoner feel. It’s like Pineapple Express had sex (real or computer) with Her and birth this. Again, this parody makes fun of the great hipster stuff that Her has, including that insanity line.

I’m sure you can find more parody online of Her. But anywho, like always, you don’t have to take my word pho it. Just watch the movie yourself and see what you think. I mean, I saw it and I like it. But it still doesn’t mean my bro side can just forget about all the hipsterness of the movie. Iono, just watch the effin movie.

-Hope you have a good one, Sype

PS, don’t try to bang your computer, I don’t think Apple care supports damages done by your dick.

PPS, either via phone or AIM, we all cybered once in our life. Don’t deny it.

PPPS, don’t bang your computer, Apple doesn’t have a warranty for that crazy shit and you might cut your junk up.

Plane Dynamics

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Life on a plane is never boring, Pondering the dynamic of the passengers is a great pay to pass the time. Every stage, from boarding the plane to enjoying the flight, there is much to keep the mind occupied.

I notice the carelessness of some right away. When the flight attendant announces the rows that can begin boarding, people rush to get in line. Pushing, bumping, and completely trampling anything in their path. Really people? We’re all going to the same place. No need to rush. Haha.

Good thing I planned ahead and checked in online, I was able to reserve myself a window seat, and request a vegan meal. I was sat in a row of 3; the window on my left, a twenty-something white guy to my right, and an older white-haired lady taking the aisle seat. They keep to themselves. The white boy is even nice enough to not hog the elbow rest, keeping his arms crossed over his chest nearly the entire 8 hour flight. Only moving when needing to reach for the menu buttons on the personal movie screen mounted to the back side of the headrest in front of him, or to accept the meals and drinks the flight attendants routinely bring around. The lady at the end appears to have slept a majority of the flight.

I love the window seat. I love having something to lean my head up against, and the opportunity to watch the clouds before the night shades the view. The only difficultly of the window seat is when nature calls- and I must interrupt white boy from his marathon movie watching, awaken old lady from her seat, climb out, and make those two move so I can make my way to the nearest lavatory. Neither of these two have needed to make any restrooms trips so far. Strange to me, being the unfortunate soul with a tiny bladder.

Whoever is sitting behind me is driving me crazy. I feel CONSTANT pushing and poking at the back of my seat. I’m contemplating turning around and saying something, but I don’t think it would come out very nicely, lol. I’ll find a way to adjust.

I like this airline; my first time flying on British Airways. The offer 2 meals, endless beverages (water, juice, coffee), they even give us blankets and pillows, toothbrushes and toothpaste, a selection of movies and headphones, all for free. Which is great considering how long this flight is, we fly overnight and over the Atlantic ocean.

I’m taking advantage of the free movies: so far I’ve watched Life of Pi, The Campaign, and Lincoln. Life of Pi started off slow- I almost wanted to find something else to watch, I couldn’t handle how thick of the story took so long to get going. But it turned out really well. The graphics and fantasy-like scenes kept me intrigued. The Campaign caught my eye because Will Farrell is fucking hilarious. The movie wasnt the funniest thing I’ve seen this year, but I’d still recommend it to those who have a crude sense of humor. It made me laugh. Lincoln starts with a graphic war scene- not my cup of tea. The only reason I wanted to check it out is because I’m a history nerd. If you can tough it out through the action and bloody battling parts, I’d say it has potential to be a great film.

I’m gonna try to squeeze in a nap before we land in London.

#lifeofaunicorn

“Doesn’t hog the elbow rest on the plane- gentleman.”