A little Humor Before Gay Pride San Francisco
By Airec Sype.
As many knows by now, Trevor Noah will be replacing Jon Stewart on The Daily Show later this year on September 28th. Noah will be the 3rd person to succeed a host for the show and the fans were not too happy when they heard the announcement. You can read this Huffington Post article on what Stewart ha to say about Noah and why the fans were outraged, but I’m here to talk about the video of his standup that I shared.
Pride week is upon us in San Francisco, and this weekend is about to be crazy. I work in a “tourist” restaurant so I’ve been preparing for the chaos that is about to unfold: there will be drunk people in short shorts (mainly dudes rocking out with their c*cks out), out of towners coming into SF f*cking the city up, leaving a rainbow puke trail that’s composed from many and countless dance parties with music ranging from hip-hop to funky house.
Just to be clear, I don’t hate what Pride stands for, I just hate how the city is trashed with people who don’t respect the cause. For example, someone got shot two years ago at the parade party at Civic Center. That doesn’t seem too prideful to me . . . well thats a different kinda pride.
So to mentally prepare myself for this upcoming weekend, I like to have a few laughs. I saw this video today and had to share it to the world (of blogging). Noah recounts his journey in Zambia and tells us how it’s a crime to be gay. He paints a funny picture; especially the idea of a gay crime force taking down undercover gays (or G-Foroce or G-Unit for short).
Please don’t take any offense from it. He doesn’t mean no harm and neither do I. I played football so I’ve done a little towel whip or ass slap or c*ck sucking pantomimes. No homo. I kid, but I do have respect for those who have embraced themselves and chosen to come out of the closet; I’m straight and I don’t hate gay or lesbian people. Well I love lesbians . . . but that’s besides the point.
I wanna make a shout-out to two of my homosexual #Bros4Life, Bryan Chu and Lance Blair. Chu is an amazing gymnast and borderline ninja (also an amazing writer, but shhh don’t tell him that.) Blair, well, I hate that guy, his dark skin, pretty face, ripped abs. I hate/love (no homo ;p) him, but he is one awesome dude. Two of the coolest gay bros I know.
*That white guy isn’t one of the two.
If y’all do decide to take part of San Francisco Pride, please be safe and don’t trash the city. I know I’ll be out there in support of all my G-Bros out there. No hate y’all, equality for all!!! Yeah, I know that was lame. If you don’t know what to do for Pride and need some pointers, check out BuzzFeed list of 16 tips for a successful weekend.
Also, a bonus video since we’re talking about gay bros, here is a classic LifeAccordingToJimmy video called “Pinky Promise.” Gotta love that classic middle school question, “Does your dad know you’re gay?” Super funny. Bro.
Lessons from my 26th Birthday
By Airec Sype
It was my 26th birthday about two weekends ago; my brain, body and, especially, liver felt the wrath of the catastrophe. Lil naughty Asian boy I was. Pretty sure I drank enough alcohol to kill a baby elephant. Probably, but I’m not a doctor (#sorryasianparents).
So after the mess Pineapple Express caused in the Bay Area, another shitshow (my birthday) also caused reckless damages in San Francisco. Luckily, I survived both storms and have learned some valuable things from the event. Well not from Pineapple Express, but from turning 26 (yeah I know I’m an old man).
I know that some of this will not apply to everyone. Not to boast about myself, but I do have a lot of friends. And some of my friends are assholes, but they are my assholes. They may be cruel at times, but they’re cruel with good intentions . . . to f*ck you up on your birthday.
- You’re friends will try and kill you with alcohol.
The beginning of the night started off with a reluctant whiskey pre-game. Which then turned into a full fledged pre-game with about 15 people crammed into my room, all trying to shove alcohol in my face. Not to mention that once I got to the bar everyone was trying to buy me drinks. So for those who are new to the “of age” birthday game, DO NOT PRE-GAME FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! The main point of a pregame is because you’re either a poor bastard or because you’re cheap and/or Asian like me. But when it’s your birthday, everyone will buy you shots and beers and any random poison: a privilege that is normally reserved for cute girls. I learned this lesson first hand on my 21st: my buddy bought me a 4 horsemen and I puked my brains out! THREE TIMES! They say friends care, but best friends want to see you burn!
- You will get drunk, trust me.
Like I said, don’t pre-game. You’re going to get drunk if you go out to a bar where about 30 or more people are there to celebrate the day of your birth. So if you don’t want to get drunk then grow some balls and reject those free shots or just keep it casual and simple. I didn’t last to midnight.
- Your house will get destroyed if you don’t manage to leave your house.
I unintentionally hosted a pre-game and post-party and a sloppy brunch. So if you don’t want your house in shambles and spend your actual birth day cleaning with your roommate pissed off at you, then I would recommend that you raise your voice like Hilary Duff and tell everyone to get the hell out! Drunk friends equals a wrecked house. It’s simple math.
- People will show up and some people won’t, it’s life.
In my case, a lot of people showed up. So make sure the venue you chose can fit and accommodate everyone! The only problem with this is that because of the vast amount of people, I did not get a lot of quality time with everyone. So if you’re the kind of person who likes to have hearts to hearts with your friends, then don’t invite more than 15 people. While some people show and some don’t, you can’t be upset at them. Life is bigger (brace yourself) than your birthday. We’re all adults now so understand that as adults we all have things to do.
- Nothing ever really goes as planned.
You can plan and plan, but nothing ever goes to script when you’re planning on gathering a group of drunk people. Also if you’re the birthday boy, nothing will ever go as planned if YOU’RE DRUNK. Simple, don’t plan stuff if you’re planning on being drunk. Never works out, trust me.
- You will be disappointed. So it’s ok to get mad and break shit. It’s your birthday!
Sure we’re all adults and sure we all have our own logical reasoning. But we can’t help but feel angry and betrayed if a friend doesn’t show up or if you miss your birthday brunch because of your drunk-ass friends, or if your house is filled with drunk loveable idiots destroying shit. So get mad, get angry, break some bottles or push a friend over a bush. It’s your birthday, you do what you want!!!
- No matter how old you are, there will be drama.
When you gather a group of 20 or more drunk people together, there will be drama. No matter how hard you try avoiding it, drama always follow drunk people. You can hope to not be involved and gather some popcorn to watch the drama occur around you. Or do the simple mature thing by cutting the drama out of your life. But if you have an uneventful life like mine, the drama adds a little spice.
- Try to embrace the chaos.
Like I said, things don’t go as planned or you will get angry. CHAOS WILL HAPPEN! So try to embrace it and enjoy the ride. It’s much easier to enjoy the destruction while being under the influences of alcohol. So before the sun rises and your hangover kicks in, enjoy it. It’s your birthday, have some fun!
- Learn from your mid-20s because you’re quickly about to hit your late 20’s.
Right before I hit 25, I was going on vacations, attending frat parties, going to music festivals and just living life. Then after graduation and my 26th birthday, I quickly learned that sometimes you’re toooooo old for shit. Sure I still like a good rager. But as I got older, my focus started shifting onto different things. I started, what’s that word? Maturing! Slowly tho. It’s just life, you can’t live in Neverland pho eva. Have fun now, make some mistakes and, oh, have some fun. Your late 20s will be the time of growth and maturity, so be prepared because life is a bitch.
- Birthdays SUCKS!!!
I hate birthdays; too much pressure in my case from family and friends. I’m going to be honest, I always felt like birthdays are for other people. I do enjoy the times and making memories that I won’t remember, but birthday celebrations sometimes suck. Gotta enjoy your alone time. #FullEmo
With that all being said, I did enjoy my (not so mature) birthday, with its ups and downs. These are just the lessons I learned from this particular b-day. I love all my friends and their impact on my life. It’s sad to remissness on how some friends whom I’ve became close with came and went, but hey that’s life. You can’t dwell on past memories, just got to move on and cherish the time you have now.
26 is going to be an interesting year pho me. Those student loans are going to catch up and I’m getting more wedding invitations as the day passes. So here’s to life. Wish me luck on my 26th. I’m going to need it.
-Till next time, Sype.
A Bros Insight on Valentine’s Day: A Day of Hate & Love?
Ah yes, it’s that time again, a time where couples ravish one another with elaborate gifts and post Facebook status singling single people out, once again reminding them of their lonesome partner-less life. It’s mother fugging Valentines Day!
A little history lesson (after browsing Wikipedia): Valentine’s Day is also known as Saint Valentine’s Day, named after the saint (you probably guessed it) Valentine. And who is St. Valentine? He was a saint back in the day who was imprisoned by the Roman Empire because he preformed weddings for soldiers who were forbidden to marry.
Anyways, blah blah blah, wrote a letter to the daughter of his jailer before his execution and signed it with “Your Valentine,” blah blah blah. Christian churches also celebrate his feat with the Feast of Saint Valentine, blah blah blah.
Yeah, that’s probably all the history lesson we need.
But here in America, Valentine’s Day is more of a commercial celebration instead of a religious stature. Like I said, on V-Day (I know, it sounds like a horrible STD, ironic right) singles are reminded of their singleness (Valentine’s Day AKA Singles Appreciation Day), and couples try to outdo one another; framing their courtship via social media.
Lets say it’s V-Day morning and you decide to wake up and browse your news feed and lo and behold, your news feed is dominated with couples doing couply things, pictures bragging their love and valentine gifts are in your fucking face telling you they have someone and you don’t. But you can’t be mad at them, it’s not their fault that they’re annoying the love out of you . . . oh wait, no, it is their fucking fault!
Elite Daily has some examples of these habits you’re doomed to encounter on social media:
Check out their three examples of people you will see on V-day, its pretty spot on.
Social media is not the only place where you will encounter Valentine’s Day frustrations. Once you step out of your dark and lonely room and into the love tainted world of Feb. 14, you will run into couples, lovey dovey couples, everything is painted fucking pink and red with false shaped hearts every-fucking-where, alongside the war-zone of cupids’ arrow. And prepare for the worst when approaching young love birds. At first, they will seem cute and warming. . . and then once their innocent love is tainted by lust and pornographic heathenism, you cannot help but avert your eyes!
Here is Guyism telling us 7 of the Worst Things about Couples:
I probably agree with number 4: PDA the most. Especially in enclosed environment, such as public transportation, is the fucking worst. Seriously, we’re on the bus and not a fucking rave, take your hands out of her pants and stop trying to eat your partners face. You don’t need to show me your “love” on the MUNI because it’s fucking disgusting. PUT YOUR TONGUE BACK INTO YOUR MOUTH AND SAVE IT FOR HOME!!! I don’t care if in the comfort of your own home you cats like to make out or practice the Australian Kiss (a kiss from down under), just not next to me on the bus. The SF MUNI is already vomitous and full of diseases; I don’t need to worry about catching anything else.
Well, all of that said, we single people are not the beez-knezz either. Yea yea, we are reminded that we’re single and (imagine me saying this in a hippy-hipster voice) “Valentine’s Day is a lame consumerist holiday made up by the card companies” blah blah blah . . . but we can’t help but feel left out in all of cupids’ magic: so we hate.
Here are some people who felt left out of the magic and tried to make up for it (and probably some of these are parodies):
Or, you could be one of those people who’s actually in a relationship but actually wanna break up with your partner because you hate Valentine’s Day – or you secretly hate them – but you’re too pussy to break up with them so you just ride it out. . . I guess you can take some helpful hints from Jimmy Tatro on how to instead of breaking up with your partner, you can annoy them in breaking up with you:
Seriously, watch this video. Fucking. Brotastic.
But V-day is really a day to celebrate love with your partner. I mean sure, you can rebut that you don’t need a day to show your love, but fuck it, you don’t need a day to give presents but you have Christmas; you don’t need a day to get super drunk while your friends try to kill you with free alcohol but you have birthdays; you don’t need a day to randomly drunkenly kiss a stranger but we have New Years; you don’t need a. . . I’ll probably just stop here.
Oh, here’s a tip guys: If your girl, or whatever she is, says to you that she doesn’t wanna do anything for Valentine’s Day then she’s a FUGGING liar. She’s just saying that so the words Valentine’s Day is in your head. Just do something, if anything something small. Shit, get her a Happy Meal. Just something.
Death Cab for Cutie will explain my emo feelings for this day:
My friend Juno posted something on my Facebook wall with the caption of #ForeverAlone to remind me of my Valentine’s Day defeat.
And yes, he has a girlfriend, and yes, he is a douchebag.
But the link he posted up was a Facebook study stating that San Francisco is the worst place to try and obtain a relationship. Hmm wait, I currently live in San Francisco . . . shit.
Oh well, you can’t depend on Facebook for everything. But I can try and beat the odds. I guess if I wanna get into a “relationship,” according to Facebook, I’m either gonna have to move to Colorado or somehow con a woman in getting into a relationship with me and passing the benchmark of three months. Seems easy enough.
Personally I like Valentine’s Day and would love to ravish some girl with my courtship n’ all-up-in-that. But sadly I’m single and do not have anyone to give my seed **cough** I mean my gifts, to. I guess I could do what I did last year and take a friend out on a Valentine’s Day date and throw money around just say I did something . . . or I can gather a group of single people my age and say FUCK IT and go to a rave. . . I think I’m gonna do the latter (:P)
-Till next time and hopefully you wrap your tool and not get an STD this V-Day, Sype.
-PS, here are some funny anti-Valentine’s Day gifts from Buzzfeed:
-PPS, I love bad bit***s and that’s my fucking problem. –A$AP Rocky
A Ratchet-less San Francisco
Today BART trains stayed in their stations and were not ran. BART union workers striked for higher pay and other accommodations. Many people from the East Bay were not able to commute or venture into San Francisco . . .
And thus, today was the first ratchet-less day that San Francisco has seen since 1972. (Trust me, I caught the end of Gay Pride yesterday after work and that was ratchet as fuck).
Hoping y’all find another ride to the City or hoping you’re having a fun time at home, I know it messed up my day.
-PS, I say this without meaning to offend anyone
Read the story about SF BART strike here:
A Deeper Look into Airec’s Mind
Yo yo yo, Airec again. I guess since my partner did it, I might as well do it too. I am a creative writing major at San Francisco State University, living in the beautiful state of Cali, Cali, Cali. I was originally raised in Visalia, a town in the middle of nowhere California. I usually say I’m from Fresno since noooooo one knows where V-town is. I moved up to San Francisco about six years ago to start my college “career.” Yes I’ve been in college for six years. And no, I’m not working on my masters. I don’t regret being in college for this long, although my parents still believe (desperately) -despite me telling them multiple of times that I’m not- that I’m getting my masters. My Asian parents, when are they going to learn that I am not going to become a doctor.
I am a goofy person, witty and kind of an asshole. I like to push people’s limits and I’m blunt about things. This is where I get myself into the most trouble. Most of the time people don’t know whether to laugh or to scold me. But after being around me for a while, people just see it as Airec being Airec. That’s when the laughter comes rolling in, when you get pass this tubby surface. This duel-blog is going to be good because where I like come off rough and strong, Koleana will be here to provide some comfort from the crude things that I’m going to say. I’m going to admit that I am an idiot at times, I’m not going to tip toe around that, but I do love to talk. My goal in life is to make people laugh and entertained. This blog is going to be my vehicle to bring smiles to people faces with my stupid antics and commentaries.
In my free time (like Koko) I like to be active. May it be going to the gym or going on hikes around the city; being active is ingrained in my DNA. This is probably because I used to weight 230lbs in high school, and I DO NOT want to revert back to that lil chubby kid. Given I played sports in high school, I was still that fat Chinese kid . . . despite the fact that I’m not Chinese. As quoted from the Austin Powers movie, I had more chins than a Chinese phone book. I blame it on my mother’s cooking and my love for fried food (especially fried chicken). Aside from being active, I like to play video games and attended concert and shows. I really like rock music (especially Alt. and indie) and electronic music (trance is my favorite EDM genre). That being said, I like to attend electronic dance music festivals. (Some of you may know what I’m talking about) I’ve attended five EDC’s. Yes, I’ve wasted –blissfully and willingly- hundreds of dollars and put my body through hell to have the privilege of being at five Electric Daisy Carnivals. This year, Koko and I will embark on another EDC with our crazy fun group of friends. So there will be some post regarding EDM and festivals I attend.
What am I going to blog about? Hmm . . . pretty much anything that pertains to my thoughts and adventures. Hopefully I will be sober enough when I attend shows so I can blog about them later when I wake up with a nasty hangover. Like Koko, I come from a really “unique” family. My parents are of Laotian and Thai decent, immigrants from Southeast Asia. I am the first generation of the Sypraserts. Yes, I know my last name has a lot of consonants in it. Now try pronouncing it. I am also the first of not two, not four, but nine kids . . . That’s a lot of kids. So some of my views on American living are going to be different; I’m just a boy who is an Asian American, trying to survive in an American and Asian world. So expect some post about that.
What I ask from you guys is to please not take everything I say to heart. I’m going to reiterate this again, I am an idiot. I like to be a smartass and I derive my style of comedy from the great comedic mind of Dave Chappelle and Asian comedian Kevin Shea, and also from fictional characters like Stifler. So please be patient with me. Just be glad that Koleana is here to grace your eyes, as well as protect my ass, with her elegant and cheery writing. Well, this is going to be fun; I know you’ll enjoy the ride (;P)