My Disinterest in Today’s Society’s Interest in the Act of the Personal Portrait Called the #Selfie

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This is how girls looks like while taking a selfie . . . we do make a bunch of ugly girls.
This is how girls looks like while taking a selfie . . . we do make a bunch of ugly girls.

This is Airec Sype here letting you know that I HATE SELFIES!

Seriously, Je*us. Ever since Instagram pop’d up on every smart phone, every mother effer in the world is taking selfies.

Now, if you’re a hot chick and want to show the world how hot you are in your skimpy and delicious outfit for the night or if you wanna show your hot & sweaty body after the gym with your abs straight flexing then sure, take a selfie. I know as much as the next guy we would love to see your tight body so we can conduct a forum with our bros the next day to debate about how much we’ve thought about spank-banking you. But please, only take one selfie. I know that you’re in a club bathroom looking fine, but I don’t know how I can handle seeing 20 selfies of you and your bi*ches out on a night of vodka and bathroom bl*w.

Well, I guess the only exception for my selfie rule is if you’re like ridiculously hot or if you’re a celebrity, then fuggin selfie away. But remember, not all of us can be as hot as the Chainsmokers “#Selfie” chicks.

haha, hashtag bitches. It’s in the video so don’t attack me.

And guys, why are you taking selfies? I think as a man I don’t really have to explain this. I mean sure, if you’re at some event or place of importance during some kind of revolutionary time such as EDC or a riot or if you just wanna take a quick selfie of you laying down pipe just so you can prove it to your bros later . . . then sure, take a selfie. But don’t take selfies if you just woke up or if you think you look “fly” for some freshmen-sororosluts party tonight. You might as well send dickpics . . . take notes on this parody video:

I guess get “some bl*w” and “take another dickpic” . . . Make sure you’re the “Edwardsissor hands of pubes” so you don’t have the “hipster bush.”

But all in all, I’m not your master, you can do whatever the fugg you want. Take selfies, just . . . I don’t know how to end this. Just . . . GAHHH I don’t like selfies.

On a side note: Yes, not all men but about 99.9 percent of males are perverts and have a spank-bank. Don’t judge us, just accept us for who we are.

Back to the topic at hand: If you keep on taking selfies you might get kicked in the face like this stupid kid:

“He kicked me in the head?” he said after receiving a boot to the face. Of course you did, that’s what you get for taking a #selfie.


P.S. Snapchat users, you guys look like eff idiots when you make those stupid faces on the MUNI or when you’re walking to class and documenting it in a video to send to your “bytches.”

P.S.S. Girls please continue taking hot selfies of yourselves and your girls so we guys can discuss your choice of attire the next day.