useless conversations

I Always End Up Being the Asian Housewife(Husband)

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I haven’t posted in awhile, so I thought I would take this opportunity to post up another conversation that Koleana and I had, in which we somehow came to the conclusion that I end up getting emotionally/physically abused in our fake marriage.

I don’t know how it turned out like this. Of course we never intentionally meant to make fun of abusive relationships; it just started off as emasculating jokes against me and now I’m her Asian housewife who makes her imaginary Facebook dinners.

I’m pretty sure in the future I will write a post on how this all started, but for now enjoy this great post that turned into useless banter- accompanied with memes that I created!!!

Here’s one of the memes that started it all:

Asian house husband
Asian house husband

Now here’s the conversation!!!

Airec Syprasert to Koleana Kai McGuire

  • today i met a sophomore who is studying human bio at ucsd and she expressed interest about becoming a physical therapist, but she spoke of the difficulties, so i told her about the legend of Koleana the doctor McGuire and I think she was inspired.

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Koleana Kai McGuire Hahaha glad i could be an inspiration! I hope you didn’t give away too many of my secrets

Airec Syprasert haha what should i tell her when i see her next? ride unicorns to the top?

Koleana Kai McGuire Tell her the solution to everything is glitter and unicorns!

Airec Syprasert umm . . . on second thought, maybe i wont say anything more, you know, i wanna end the tale on a high note bahaha

Koleana Kai McGuire Hahaha you dick. Real talk though, tell her the solution is having a strong stomach, she’s gonna spend a lot of time in cadaver labs…especially being a human bio major

Airec Syprasert she said shes cool with everything . . . but needles. and no your a dick: a dick covered in glitter that shoots out rainbows

Koleana Kai McGuire So she gets squemish around needles, but not dead bodies? Haha ok.

Airec Syprasert i thought all white girls were squemish around needles lol

Koleana Kai McGuire Well you thought wrong!

Airec Syprasert you snow flakes surprises me everyday

Koleana Kai McGuire How dare you make generalizations based on race/skin color! Now go make me some dinner!

Airec Syprasert no please lower your voice or else people on facebook will hear; i didnt mean to make you mad. ill be a good asian wife and get started on dinner now. :*(

Airec Syprasert i hope fried rice is ok

Koleana Kai McGuire I suppose. JUST MAKE SURE ITS VEGAN!!!!

Airec Syprasert *sob *sob ok, just please dont hit me again. i told you that that pork fried rice i made you was accidental *sob *sob *hellokitty *sob

Koleana Kai McGuire No excuses! *slap*

Airec Syprasert *cries my mother warned me about white girls. why must you beat an immigrant child even more with the right hand of america

Koleana Kai McGuire Hahahahahahaaha ok this is getting outa pocket & the unicorn needs her glitter sleep for tomorrow

Airec Syprasert yeah, i think the rest of this conversation should be done on text messaging or fb message. but next time i see her ill tell her the secret to success is by beating an Asian house husband and blowing a load of glitter in his face. lol night

Daniel Uchiyama Fucking hilarious

Airec Syprasert thats the comedy style of #kokoandairec

Koleana Kai McGuire Yes, crude and almost offensive.

Airec Syprasert thats right! Good job partner *high fives laptizzle screen*

Now here is a rebuttal to my original meme (which I still forgot to post pictures from Hawaii).

whos the house wife now

-Hope y’all have a good one, Sype

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Is Stripping Aerobics for me?

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Girl: Anyone know where they offer stripper pole aerobics classes in the area?

Me: My house ;P

Today via Facebook, one of my friends back from home posted a status that announced her interest in a new form of exercising, Stripper Aerobics.

The girl is a good friend from high school, so I decided to take the opportunity to make a witty remark. I mean my friend is a pretty attractive girl, no lie about that, so she probably (or actually, if you look at her FB wall) gets a lot of guys randomly hitting on her. It’s the small town of Visalia, so you have those kinda guys creeping on her FB all the time. I guess it’s the small price you pay for being pretty.

Also, trolling on FB is something I’m really good at.

But stripper pole aerobics? YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Stripping is not degrading; therefore, there is no shame in wanting to do stripper aerobics.

Here is an article by Jean Lawrence on MedicineNet.com explaining how stripping aerobics can shed off those unwanted-latenight-icecream-binge.-

To give professional strippers credit, stripping is hard. And yes this is a real profession known as EROTIC DANCING. In fact, anytime you have to pay taxes (I’ve learned), it’s considered a real job in the eyes of the United State Government.

But you know what, I applaud you stripping aerobics. Stripping is hard, I’ve tried it. And trust me, my so-called-strip-show for a bunch of sorority girls one random drunk night was not as good as the ones I’ve seen on Broadway Street on a late night in San Francisco.

Think about all the movements you have to make, all the muscles you have to use to climb up that slippery (and gross I know) silver, sometimes gold, pole, and all the dance moves you’re going to have to choreograph or reinvent to entertain your tent-pitching-guest.

Look at Carmen Electra. With her series of videos Carmen Electra Aerobic Striptease, she is one of the first pioneer of stripping aerobics. You know what, say what you want. But at age 40, she looks good.”

So girls, if you want to pick up stripping aerobics, I encourage you to. I mean when you walk into a really professional strip club, you should look at how good of shape those girls are. And I use the words “really professional” pretty loosely.

Of course however, stripper aerobics can’t fix a stripper’s face; but that’s your luck of the draw when you decide to stumble into a strip club after you and your buddies decide to leave the bars.

Who knows, maybe one day what you learn in stripping aerobics can come in handy. Maybe one day, you’re going to be trap in a fire and the only way out was to shimmy up a greased up pole that smells like cheap perfume. Or maybe perhaps (this would probably be the more practical use) one day, you and your future partner are brain storming ways to spice up your marriage and voilà! You’re able to pull out what you’ve learn in your erotic dancing [;)] classes. Then after you give your marriage a lil-spicy-salsa, you’re going to think ‘Thank you Airec, for convincing me to take stripping aerobics.’

Wishing you girls all the best and please don’t hurt yourself, Airec 😉

Here is a picture of me FRESHMEN YEAR, so about 5 years ago, striking a super sexy pose that I usually end my strip show with ;)
Here is a picture of me FRESHMEN YEAR, so about 5 years ago, striking a super sexy pose that I usually end my strip show with 😉

This is why we need to be professional bloggers

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  • Airec Syprasert we’re deff on the road to being mature
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Maturity at its finest!
  • Airec Syprasert oh yeah, this is deff the engineered work of soon to be college grads
  • Koleana Kai McGuire We will be such valuable assets in society
  • Airec Syprasert oh yeah, the world needs more dicks made out of food pics
  • Airec Syprasert that should be a future project, travel the world to make sexual organs out of food. . .you in?
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Down. We all know va jay jay rules the world!
  • Airec Syprasert you shut ur face
  • Airec Syprasert no doubt i love va jay jay, but no penis wins
  • Koleana Kai McGuire You’re trippin brohammer. Imma take a nap before homework and working out. Figure out the drop box thing!
  • Airec Syprasert how many naps do u take granny? and i will. go rest ur va jay jay
  • Koleana Kai McGuire I need my beauty sleep. Being a unicorn isn’t easy!
  • Airec Syprasert stop throwing ur unicorness in my face or else im going to slay you in the name of markus
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Don’t get your panties in a bunch!
  • Airec Syprasert too late, stop being mean to me or else ill tell. . .the neighbors are going to hear
  • Koleana Kai McGuire You better take your ass back to the kitchen where it belongs! Don’t make me get the belt!
  • Airec Syprasert please stop, i no want to hurt no mo. my momma warned about evil white people like you. yall folks made us build the muni tracks.
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Whatevs. Irish had to built the first transcontinental railroad. Everyone has a story to tell about shit their people went through…
  • Airec Syprasert yeah my story is about how koleana mcguire an irish immigrant decent beat me and asian decent. . . .sad
  • Malia Kai McGuire hahahaha!^
  • Will Scott I love how this started as a penis joke, which turned to a bajingo rules issue & then you pulled the “special” unicorn card & finally ended with a racial profiling beat down! Herhehehhehe
  • Airec Syprasert never a dull time with koko and airec
  • Koleana Kai McGuire This is why we need to be professional bloggers…so we can make money off people being entertained by our lives
  • Airec Syprasert I just create our twitter. Now let me play a few games if halo before I work on our blog

Wouldn’t it be cool to actually be a doctor?

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  • Koleana Kai McGuire Hahahahahahha I feel like I’d be letting some people down if I don’t become a doctor
  • Airec Syprasert well you can advise your football players to take a day off if they feel sore, that is kinda like what doctors do right?
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Gives advil to a football player- doctor
  • Airec Syprasert tells football player to walk it off after receiving a hard hit, physical therapist
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Tells football player to alternate drinking water & gatorade- licensed nutritionist
  • Airec Syprasert a little blonde girl on Hawaii’s football sideline in a swarm of gnarlly football players during a game. snowflake
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Being 1 of 5 females on a field full of 130 dudes- successful?
  • Airec Syprasert being an athletic trainer working on a college football team, one of airecs dreams
  • Koleana Kai McGuire It’s not as glorious as it sounds…hella work with no recognition lol
  • Airec Syprasert well i give you recognition. you get to hang out with football players in a school that ACTUALLY has a football team while i hangout with bloggers. . . lol. if i could throw you a parade i would but for now ill just clap for you in my room in front of my laptizzle
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Stops writing in a journal and starts a blog- blogger
  • Airec Syprasert eats at a hole in a wall restaurant in sf and post a facebook status, food blogger
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Writes a yelp review about most recent restaurant experience- food critic.
  • Airec Syprasert puts a table together from ikea, craftsmen
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Buys the latest Drake cd – gangsta
  • Airec Syprasert buys booty shorts and runs around with a boy who just bought the latest drake cd, hoodrat
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Buys a box of cake mix and bakes the cake- martha stewart
  • Airec Syprasert drinks guinness at an Irish bar, honorary irish man
  • Koleana Kai McGuire drinks a corona on cinco de mayo- mexican
  • Airec Syprasert eat a vegetarian burrito on cinco de mayo, hipster mexican
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Buys 1 pair of vans shoes- skater
  • Airec Syprasert joins an MMA gym, UFC fighter
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Girl draws stick figures that her parents hang on the fridge- aspiring artist
  • Airec Syprasert has a baby with a pro football player she met at a club, Real Housewife (or JACKPOT!!! works too)
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Goes to ruby skye in club attire, not knowing Hardwell is playing- raver
  • Airec Syprasert random drunk asian girl grinding on her asian bf at hardwell and poking airec in the eye, ninja assassin
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Creeps up behind a girl dancing in the club and starts dry humping her- future husband
  • Airec Syprasert pushes a guy who started randomly humping her from behind at a club because shes a strong independent woman who needs no man to dance, feminist
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Suggests ab workouts to a friend trying to lose inches- personal trainer
  • Airec Syprasert tells a freshmen not to eat that slice of pizza at the DC and to be aware of the freshmen 15, nutritionist
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Drinks milk straight from the carton- rebel
  • Airec Syprasert Pushes little brother into the pool but quickly pulls him out because he doesn’t know how to swim, lifeguard
  • Koleana Kai McGuire Builds a fire with flint rock- Bear Grillz
  • Airec Syprasert tells his friend that he will find another girl better than his ex who just broke up with him and not to feel down, psychologist